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Grief changes your relationship with other people


Lex

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Hi,

I lost my dad last year due to colon cancer and at that time I was 18 and now I am 20. It was hard because it was the beginning of adulthood and that's where I felt like I just started being an adult and I lost him like he was only in my childhood. It was not easy I wish I could have found more resources such as this grieving website to better handle my grief. He died in the hospice and so they provided me a grief counselor but that was the only person I sadly talked to about my grief and I felt alone because I didn't hear other people's stories going through the same thing. It felt hard when people you know on the outside give you that face when you know that they know that your dad passed. I was very sensitive at the time and protective over my father. I would talk to friends they would say things that would just break my heart even though they knew that I was such in a sensitive time. I lost friendships such as my best friend for 4 years and then lost all my other "friends" because they were in their own friend group and I didn't feel like I belonged such as what they talked about such as saying mean things about other people and saying mean things to me like bad words or my problems don't matter. With grief you can find out those who will actually will be there to support you and those who will only be with you just for fun. Eventually, I couldn't sleep I felt so alone I felt like when I tried to make it a good day it would just be a bad day again. That's the thing in this world life goes on and to be honest that is not an easy thing to do when you're dealing with grief and everyone acts the same as if nothing has happened. I feel like with people who have dealt with grief and pain there is a sense of understanding of one's emotions and feelings. I hope I am not alone.

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Dear Lex,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Please know you are not alone. (((hugs))) I'm so sorry for all the pain and sorrow you are feeling. It is so hard to lose a parent. For me it was the rawest time in my life and some days it still is.

What you wrote resonates with a lot of people. I too felt disappointed in friends and family for not being more sensitive about my loss. There were times there smiling faces made me angry. Like you said its only during this sad time that we learn who our true friends are. It's another layer of pain. I've had to reevaluate a lot and I think that is part of the grieving process. I too find it difficult to see the world keep spinning as it were while I'm still struggling and mourning my loss.

I wanted to give a little hope. For me finding this forum and others at Grief Healing Blog, Grief in Common, What's Your Grief and reading articles has helped me a lot. The kindness of strangers saved me. 

No matter our situation or feelings we are never alone. There are good people in the world that will stand with you.

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I understand your feelings completely because I too think that my personality, my perspective has changed. It also exposes people who don’t care about you at all. Grief rewrites your address book. It forces you to face truths about people you thought you knew. And you are right, only people who have been there at exactly the same age or life situation can actually understand what this feels like. Nobody else can or does. People just enjoy having a good time and when someone is not able to provide them that, then they drop that person. 
keep writing lex. I have found it helps and is therapeutic in a way. 

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