Members Nayana Posted December 2, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 2, 2020 It's been two months since my mom died. I find moments of hope, where I can carry on with my daily activities. But then there are times when the thought of doing this another day overwhelms me. I dont want a version of me that she will never know to exist. I feel so disconnected from my friends and family. I know they can't understand my pain and I dont want to scare or overwhelm them. I'm tired of pretending to be okay. I know it's just been two months but honestly it feels like it's been years since I last saw her. I thought the suicidal thoughts would stop after the first few weeks but they're back and the scariest part is that I've accepted them as if they will eventually come true. It comforts me to know that there is an out but the fear of actually going through with it just frustrates me more. Sorry for ranting, if you've read till the end, thank you. And I really hope you don't relate, because feeling this way when you're 21 sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Genrou Posted December 2, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 2, 2020 I am so sorry. Remember, your mother would want you to keep on living because she loved you. It would break her heart to know you’re even thinking about harming yourself. You should consider speaking with a therapist. Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members awiles16 Posted December 2, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 2, 2020 i’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. i lost my dad 2 weeks ago and i know how you’re feeling. i’m so overwhelmed with life and so exhausted all of the time. i hate that i can’t share everyday things with him. sometimes i feel normal and then something in me says “YOUR DAD IS DEAD!” and it’s like someone punches me in the stomach. I know people say that it will get better but I’m not sure when and I don’t know how long I can do this. Please reach out if you need to talk. You’re worth it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Zee24 Posted December 2, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 2, 2020 It is a punch everyday when you get up, i don’t think I have had that calming and peaceful slumber anymore. People do say that with time it gets better, I read here and it really touched me from one of the commentators, that with time you just get better at hiding it. That’s certainly true. You learn self control so it becomes a part of you. Just like all the things that have happened. I don’t think nayana any of us are ranting, so keep writing and know we are listening. I am so sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nayana Posted December 3, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted December 3, 2020 18 hours ago, Genrou said: I am so sorry. Remember, your mother would want you to keep on living because she loved you. It would break her heart to know you’re even thinking about harming yourself. You should consider speaking with a therapist. Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com Hi, thank you for replying. I do talk to a therapist and it does help. I try to think of what my mother would want, that's my only guiding force these days 17 hours ago, awiles16 said: i’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. i lost my dad 2 weeks ago and i know how you’re feeling. i’m so overwhelmed with life and so exhausted all of the time. i hate that i can’t share everyday things with him. sometimes i feel normal and then something in me says “YOUR DAD IS DEAD!” and it’s like someone punches me in the stomach. I know people say that it will get better but I’m not sure when and I don’t know how long I can do this. Please reach out if you need to talk. You’re worth it! I'm so sorry for your loss. I can honestly say that I'm in a better place two months down the line compared to two weeks, but it's still incredibly hard. I have that same voice in my head too, anytime I'm doing something it's there to remind me that "YOUR MOM IS DEAD, why aren't you freaking out". After a point it stops hurting every single time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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