Losing my dad unexpectedly at 22

[wonderkat]

My dad passed on October 18 from a heart attack when he went cycling with his friends. 
I really don't know how to feel. 
The first month was a blur with all the arrangements for the services, but now that everything is done and slowing down, I feel all of it.
I feel angry, depressed, guilty, and numb.
I can't sleep, eat, or even find comfort in my friends or my partner. 
I have never felt so alone. While some people may have gone through what I did, no one will ever truly understand how I am feeling. 
I can't really explain how I feel except that I am really tired and drained. 

To think that he will never be there for my milestones. 
I finished nursing school a week after he passed. He didn't even make it to see me finish, to see me become an RN. 
He's not going to walk me down the aisle, he's not going to meet his grandkids. 
The guy who taught me what love is, what family is... is no longer here. 

I don't know how I can get through this. 
I like to believe I am strong and resilient, but this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. 
I lost my uncle (his brother) last year on New Years from a heart attack as well. 
I lost a close friend to suicide earlier this year in May.
And now I lost my dad, my hero. 

Looking back at the memories, I can't help but think how unfair it is. That I only had 22 years with my dad. That's it. 
I like to think I'll see him again one day, but what if I don't. Then that's really it. 
I don't know how to get through this, and sometimes I don't know if I want to. 
It's been a really rough year and I can't take it anymore. 
If you have read this far, thank you. I really just wanted an outlet to talk about how I feel. 

[Zee24]

Dear Kat, I am very sorry for your loss. This is very painful to go through and it hurts so much. I can feel your pain. I think it sucks too that you only had twenty two years with him, that is unfair whatever way you or anyone looks at it. And the thought of all the milestones that will be missed. I know and I understand. Its been a rough year and I hope the next one brings you well deserved happiness. 

[Monty]

Wonderkat,

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like your Dad was very special to you. Continue to make him proud of you.

It is normal to feel alone. I can only imagine what it is like to be 22 and experiencing such a great loss. 
You have been through a lot. Be kind to yourself. 

[BEQUET93]

Venting your thoughts and feelings can be really helpful. I have learned that the members of this forum are very kind and willing to listen and offer advice, so you may want to bookmark it and come back to share, as your loss was so recent. Losing a parent is difficult at any age, but as a young adult, it can be especially tough. I was 19, when my dad died. That's been 26 years, but I still remember being scared and feeling that he had been cheated out of a lot of years. Everyone my age was thinking about the future, while I was living in the wake of my father's death. 

You loved your dad and your dad loved you. As you said, he taught you about the important things in life, so he is still with you in that he molded who you are. He would want you to get through this and you will, but it will take time and patience. I wish you the best.

[reader]

Dear wonderkat,

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your beloved dad, uncle and dear friend. 

Please know you are not alone. And you are safe to talk out your feelings with us.

I also wanted to suggest these websites for additional support and comfort. Grief in Common, What's Your Grief and Grief Healing Blog and GriefShare.

Thinking of you.

[Reagan]

I’m so sorry for your loss! I lost my uncle/father figure last year and I related with so much you said. I’m also 22 & it’s hard not to be able to connect with people my age because of this loss. They don’t understand because they haven’t lost anyone being this young & its lonely in my grief. I think about those milestones too, that he will miss, and it hurts so much I try blocking those thoughts out sometimes. It’s overwhelming at times & I just joined this group too in hopes that connecting with people that understand loss in some way will help me find some kind of comfort. if you need someone to talk to you can message me