Feel lost without my mum

[Palmer]

Am 25 years old and I lost my mum a month ago. I feel lost without her like I don’t have a reason to go on with life. Everything seems harder to do. I feel a lot of anger,sadness and like am losing control. I feel like I haven’t been able to really grieve my mum cause i feel I need to be strong for my siblings, my dad and my husband. Everyone always expects me to be strong and that they can lean on me. Am also feeling a lot of guilt cause my mum wanted me to go home and see her, she lived in Australia while I live in New Zealand and with Covid and my husband not wanting me to go I didn’t get to see my mum again. I had to watch her take her last breath on video call. I feel like am starting to resent my husband. All we do is fight now days. Which makes this all even more worse. I don’t really want to talk to my family about how am feeling cause I feel like am being selfish cause their all going thru the same thing as me. I don’t feel like I really have any support from my husband either. Am the youngest of 7 but I’ve had to be the person my siblings talk to and I’ve comforted them making sure that their ok. I really just don’t know what to do anymore, I want to go home to see my family which they’ve been asking me to,but my husband says if I go we are finished. Which adds another bit of pressure onto me. Cause I feel like am having to choose and it’s making me feel even more depressed. I don’t feel like I have any closure I had to watch my mum’s funeral on a live stream and feel so alone. Am at that point that if I didn’t wake up tomorrow I’ll be happy with that. 

[reader]

 Dear Palmer, 

 I’m so sorry for your loss. I know it has been extremely difficult with Covid and being able to see family. It is totally understandable that you want to be with your family during this sad and difficult time.  I’m not really sure why your husband doesn’t want you to go to see your family. If you are able to take a Covid test and use every precaution it should be safe to fly.

   Please no it’s OK not to be the strong one. And it’s always OK to ask for help and to try to get the support that we all need during this difficult time. Grief just levels us. 

I hope you’re able to find some support in the community or through church. Please know you’re not alone in your feelings. We are with you

[Monty]

Palmer, I am so sorry for your loss which has clearly been compounded by the fact that you could not be with your Mum in her final moments or say goodbye at her funeral. It may help to try and find your own special way to say goodbye to your Mum whether ir be standing by the ocean, taking a walk in a forest whatever makes you feel closer to her.

Dealing with grief can put pressure on a relationship. In saying that, your husband should be supportive of you wanting to go back to Aus and be with your siblings. He may not understand if he has not experienced the loss of a parent himself.

Please know that you are not alone. We are here for you on this forum. 

[Palmer]

Thank you so much for your reply, I have taken a small step to try do something to bring me some form of peace. I had a bracelet done for my mum which I found peace cause it had things that meant a lot to her which in turn made me feel close to her. But then my husband has broken it and I feel like now am back at square one. I understand his trying to support me as much as he can but with added fights and Arguments am starting to feel like am not being understood. And that I have to be ok when deep down I know am not and am really struggling. My anger is getting the best of me and finding faults in everything at the moment