Members nuvar Posted November 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2020 I cant seem to find that purpose. Be it to work, exercise, find friends or even eat. Everything seems to be a chore and pointless The festivals/holidays are so pointless Im 36 this year, father has dementia and my mum is gone after being badly advised by doctors. I feel tremendous guilt, tired and really find it hard to continue because I find everything pointless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sadlaura Posted November 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2020 We have some similarities but in reverse. My mom has dementia and my father passed away in October as a result of questionable medical care. I also feel a lot of guilt and am tired and finding it hard to wake up every day and do everything I have to do to keep going. Having to take care of my mother is the hardest because it is so difficult to take care of someone with dementia. How long have you been feeling this way? I'm asking because it sounds as if there is a chance you may be depressed. Grief is difficult and it can take time to recover from it. But the symptoms you are reporting could also be depression and sometimes grief and depression intersect. Feeling like everything is pointless and there is no purpose and feeling guilty and tired is normal part of grief ... But it's important to eat or your health will be affected. Is there anyone that you can talk to about how you are feeling? Does anyone support you in any way? Please reach out to someone if you can ... It is difficult to go through these feelings all alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted November 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted November 28, 2020 Dear Nuvar, I’m so sorry to hear how you’re feeling. I know it has been devastating since your mom passed away. And dealing with the stress of caring for your father. Like you I also feel tremendous guilt about the circumstances of my father’s passing. I think there is something in our culture that makes it extraordinarily difficult to get over this deep sense of responsibility for elderly parents. So often like you I also feel life is pointless without my father on this earth. But I hope you are listening to Laura and try and find some support. Depression is real. Anxiety is real. I know it has been so hard but I hope you’ll find a way forward. Keep going day by day moment by moment. I truly hope for all of us there will be some light. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted December 2, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 2, 2020 Dear Nuvar, How are you? I wanted to check back and say we are still with you. Please take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BEQUET93 Posted December 2, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 2, 2020 I have been wondering if some of the feeling of meaninglessness that comes from losing our parents stems from losing part of our own identities, in addition to the loss of our parents. From our births till their deaths, we were someone's child. Even when roles are reversed and the child becomes the caregiver, there is still the parent and the tie to that one role we have always filled. Without them, we lose that oldest part of ourselves. For me, in the month since my mom's passing, I have felt unmoored from reality and like I am just going through the motions of living. I agree with reader that we should take it moment by moment and wait for the light. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nuvar Posted December 5, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted December 5, 2020 I dreamt of my mum last night/morning. Cant remember fully everything what transpired but flashbacks of her and her hospital stay. She told me to take my breakfast Woke up crying. Died for nothing, just an experiment for the doctors. Now my finances are in shambles also, life as well. Boss owes me 3 months pay. Im so tired of life. Thinking of dying but no guts to end it and dont want to be a joke for my relatives make 10,20 grand per mth all married with kids and their parents alive. Everyone gainfully employed but im so useless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sadlaura Posted December 5, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 5, 2020 On 12/2/2020 at 1:53 AM, BEQUET93 said: I have been wondering if some of the feeling of meaninglessness that comes from losing our parents stems from losing part of our own identities, in addition to the loss of our parents. From our births till their deaths, we were someone's child. Even when roles are reversed and the child becomes the caregiver, there is still the parent and the tie to that one role we have always filled. Without them, we lose that oldest part of ourselves. For me, in the month since my mom's passing, I have felt unmoored from reality and like I am just going through the motions of living. I agree with reader that we should take it moment by moment and wait for the light. Yes, definitely, I think that is a big part of it, without parents you are no longer someone's child, you are an orphan, which is a new identity. The loss of a parent entails so many different losses: losses of someone who remembers us as a child, loss of our unique relationship to the parent who died, loss of connection to their past (their parents, grandparents, etc.) which if we did not take care to record before they passed is gone forever, loss of the possibility of improving the relationship (if it was strained) and probably a dozen other things that I can't think of now. For me there is also the loss of my life as I knew it. Now that I am responsible for my mother I have a lot less freedom than I used to have. I miss my old (pre-father's death) life so very much ... much more so than I miss my father in some ways. I am sitting in my father's easy chair now. It is positioned exactly where the hospital bed in which he died is positioned. I want to cry almost every time I sit there. There is just so much pain and sadness tonight. I had gotten a big break for a few hours but now the pain and sadness has returned .... Oh grief, why are you so cruel? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jacx Posted December 5, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 5, 2020 Hey nuvar,One thing I try and hold onto since my Dad passed is his attitudes towards life; especially meaning and holidays. My parents were never together, and as I got older I’d always bounce around between their celebrations. Trying to be there for both and stressing myself out , holding onto past regrets and overall hating the season. In recent years I’ve made my own meaning, it doesn’t have to be a big show for every holiday. Just a quiet time to enjoy some food, a movie, and company when I get it. You’re not useless, your post here helps me personally not feel so alone in the season. What I’m trying to get at is I hope you’re able to make some meaning, maybe find some peace in this season. Dont give up, this world still needs you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tessa Posted December 5, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 5, 2020 Hi Nuvar, Like Laura and reader have said, are you able to get help for depression. Someone to talk to always helps. Jacx makes a good point when s/he says make your own meaning. Make your own meaning and let them judge you anyway they want, that's their problem, not yours. Stay with us and outlive them. PS - Hi, Reader. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nuvar Posted December 7, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted December 7, 2020 im just very tired dealing with my life. caring for my dad, working with owed wages for 3 mths and asking for help from others....... a lot of times people help you with motives in mind, not only that, it's a favour you sometimes cant repay, even after you repay the sum of money my estranged relations with relatives and some friends... my job isnt really even here even when im doing more because im not getting paid a cent for 3 farking months. and i applied for studies when i have got no money. full time studies....... job offers arent coming in for part time studies too i... really have this hope that i'll just die from sleep sometime soon, totally honest. not whining for sympathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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