Members Tryingandcrying Posted November 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2020 Almost four months ago the impossible happened to my tiny family. It was essentially something that never crossed my mind as a possibility. My mother suddenly passed away after a brief illness. I still struggle with the reality of it. It was highly traumatic for us, as she passed suddenly in my father’s arms. We followed everything the doctors said, though COVID definitely caused significant delays in her receiving proper treatment. They told us to go home and she would recover. But we never could have imagined losing her so fast. She supported everyone in our little family and kept us all together. It kills me knowing she gave so much of herself up and never got to enjoy a relaxing retirement. She spent the good part of the last 10-20 years caring for her aging mother. Everyone in her side of the family lives into their 90s, so we feel robbed of 30 more years with her. My mom was my best friend and confidante and my father’s absolute everything. Without her he is a broken, lost man. Since we were such a small, close knit family it’s been that much harder to lose a member. I keep thinking it feels as though God robbed a family that was already so poor in its members, support, and strength. It’s been so so difficult to rally support for myself and my dad, and even harder to build connections during COVID times. I struggle with essentially losing Home and family with my moms loss. Because where she was was home, and she herself was ‘family’ to me. It’s pretty much just me and my dad now. When I think of the future it seems so sad and empty without her. I can’t possibly imagine milestones, holidays, or travels. I’m left to worry about my father’s loneliness and mental health as well as my own. It’s so hard to look around at other families that seem to be full and thriving when we’ve had a dark cloud for a very long time even before Mom passed. Any words of support, advice, comfort would be appreciated. I’d like to find others to connect with to try to support each other. I try so hard to keep moving and honor mom’s memory but it just gets so hard for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted November 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2020 Dear trying and crying, I’m so sorry for your loss and for all the pain and sorrow. It’s tremendously hard to lose the most important person in your life and the heart of your family. I remember losing my father and feeling extremely raw for two years. I know it feels like nothing is ever going to get better but very slowly the intensity of the pain will lesson. For myself I found a lot of support on this forum and at others. Grief in common, the grief healing blog, and what’s your grief helped me a lot. Keep taking it day by day. Please know you are not alone and we are here with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BEQUET93 Posted November 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2020 Please accept my condolences for your loss. While every person and family is unique, On 11/2, I lost my own mother and I have some idea of what you are going through. There have been moments when I have felt like part of me died with her. For decades, I talked to her every day and she lived with me for her final six years. The losses that brought all of us to the forum were substantial. Our mothers and reader's father were important and large pieces of our lives. How we are feeling is evidence of what they meant to us. I think this forum will be helpful to you. It has helped me to not focus so much on myself and my own feelings, by giving me the opportunity to communicate with others who are experiencing similar feelings. Grief support or counseling might help. I am going to start therapy in December, just so I can work through all that happened with my mom. I wish you and your father the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monty Posted November 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2020 Tryingandcrying, I lost my Mum suddenly 4 years ago and I too watched my Dad in immense pain at the loss of the love of his life after 42 years of marriage. It was hard to support him and deal with my own grief too. My Mum died of a brain aneurysm at home and Dad blamed himself for not finding her sooner. I found my Dad a good grief counsellor which gave him someone outside the family to talk to. Thankfully he was open to it. She helped teach him mindfulness and grounding techniques. It helped him a lot. Would your Dad be open to that? Remember to be kind to yourself amongst all this too. You need space and time to grieve in your own way. Take care. We are here on this forum should you need us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tryingandcrying Posted November 25, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2020 16 hours ago, reader said: Dear trying and crying, I’m so sorry for your loss and for all the pain and sorrow. It’s tremendously hard to lose the most important person in your life and the heart of your family. I remember losing my father and feeling extremely raw for two years. I know it feels like nothing is ever going to get better but very slowly the intensity of the pain will lesson. For myself I found a lot of support on this forum and at others. Grief in common, the grief healing blog, and what’s your grief helped me a lot. Keep taking it day by day. Please know you are not alone and we are here with you. Thank you for responding. Yea I find I really have to take things day by day, as it can be overwhelming to try and think of the future. I'm someone who already had a tendency to overthink everything, but I just need to try and stop somehow. I was hoping to find connections with others who can understand the pain and ripple effects of a major loss. I think my depression and negativity is wearing on my friends. I have definitely noted that the support and check ins began to wane after a few weeks, but the devastating effects linger on for so much longer. I joined Grief in common with the hopes of finding a buddy to connect with and check in on. Haven't gotten a response yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tryingandcrying Posted November 25, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2020 14 hours ago, BEQUET93 said: Please accept my condolences for your loss. While every person and family is unique, On 11/2, I lost my own mother and I have some idea of what you are going through. There have been moments when I have felt like part of me died with her. For decades, I talked to her every day and she lived with me for her final six years. The losses that brought all of us to the forum were substantial. Our mothers and reader's father were important and large pieces of our lives. How we are feeling is evidence of what they meant to us. I think this forum will be helpful to you. It has helped me to not focus so much on myself and my own feelings, by giving me the opportunity to communicate with others who are experiencing similar feelings. Grief support or counseling might help. I am going to start therapy in December, just so I can work through all that happened with my mom. I wish you and your father the best. Thank you for your condolences. We were such a close knit family that the loss hit us so hard. We spent every holiday, vacation together, pretty much every day. My father and I are seeing a bereavement counselor and while she is very kind, it so far hasn't been near enough for us to feel supported and secure. I wish we had more friends and family who stepped up to check in and be there for us, but it just didn't materialize. I don't have enough words to express the confusion and frustration we are left with. I'm still hoping to find that sense of community and family to fill the void, yet I'm not sure I'll find it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted November 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2020 Dear Tryingandcrying, I hear you and sadly so many people experience the same thing and feel let down by friends and family during their this sad and difficult time. People do tend to drop off and it's hard to find the right support. I too talked to a counsellor and went to a support group but like you, I didn't feel particularly supported or secure. Please know different things work for different people. Grief in Common also offers Zoom group chats and one on one counselling. I also checked out some Facebook support groups and that might be another place to connect with people. My own family told me they didn't want to hear about my sadness anymore and friends dropped off after a year. It's really hard finding people that you can share with and that you feel understand where you are coming from. I don't want you or your dad to feel alone. There is also a program called Grief Share that might help and Grief Recovery Method. Please take care and know we are with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Zee24 Posted November 30, 2020 Members Report Share Posted November 30, 2020 So sorry for your loss trying and crying. We are all trying but it’s very hard. I can understand your feelings, theres a lot of confusion and frustration because you just don’t understand what has happened. Grief becomes a part of you, it seeps in. Even words are inadequate really for there is nothing to be said is there. Just i am so sorry for your loss and we understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members awiles16 Posted November 30, 2020 Members Report Share Posted November 30, 2020 My father passed away on Nov 17th and I’ve felt completely shattered since. It was unexpected and we too are a small family. I am the only child but I am married so it’s now just me, mom and my husband. I feel so alone and I wish my extended family would help more because I feel so overwhelmed trying to care for myself and now my mother on top of everything. It’s so hard to think about Christmas without him and I’ve had a constant knot in my stomach since I got the call.... You are not alone and I would be happy to talk and share stories at any time. Hang in there... I hear it gets better but I’m not sure when. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BEQUET93 Posted December 2, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 2, 2020 On 11/30/2020 at 4:57 PM, awiles16 said: My father passed away on Nov 17th and I’ve felt completely shattered since. It was unexpected and we too are a small family. I am the only child but I am married so it’s now just me, mom and my husband. I feel so alone and I wish my extended family would help more because I feel so overwhelmed trying to care for myself and now my mother on top of everything. It’s so hard to think about Christmas without him and I’ve had a constant knot in my stomach since I got the call.... You are not alone and I would be happy to talk and share stories at any time. Hang in there... I hear it gets better but I’m not sure when. I am sorry for the loss of your father. That is so recent and the wound is still fresh. You grew up with a family of three and losing a member of that group would leave anyone feeling shattered. Like you, I am dreading Christmas. Mom liked to read Country Living magazine and, during her illness, she asked for what was then the latest issue. It's theme was holiday decorating and she realized that she was unlikely to live to see the holidays and began crying. For now, when I think of Christmas, that image pops into my head. For all of us, these are difficult times, but they will one day get better. Those we have lost would want us to get better. My best to all of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.