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Collettesweetbear

I pulled out my Christmas decorations as always and Scooter right there as we went through them and put them up together. I remember saying things like “scooter does this look straight to you?” And, she would just stand right there watching. I didn’t want to put up or bring out any of the decorations because that was ”our thing together”. Then I thought Scooter would want me to pull them out. Maybe she will be able to see them. Everything I brought out took me back to our time together. I smiled, I cried, I smiled, I cried. Flood of emotions. I did everything with Scooter. I wasn’t even thinking about the decorations until now and that too I did with her. Everything I did was worked around Scooter. She was top priority over everything else, always. Won’t be cuddling with her under the covers on Christmas morning like the last 17 years. That might be a really hard day for me. Still heartbroken I am so sad.


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This is a journey that is so much harder than anything can prepare us for, harder than anyone can begin to describe.  From the moment Arlie was gone...I'd give anything to have him back again.  It was a decision I had to make to relieve his suffering, but I remember thinking, "He could still be alive..."  I still feel that except I know he would not be, he would have greatly suffered to death, I did not want that for him.  He deserved better than that horrid "C" word.  Nothing can prepare us or console us for this!  I'd give anything to be able to put my arms around him again, to see his beautiful smile.

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I think the same thing every day.. "Daisy could still be alive". I just have to keep telling myself that one day I will be with her again. I will be able to pick her up and hold her. Yes, Christmas is going to be hard on me also this year. Daisy always had toy's and treats under the tree. I do not care what other people say, I have to believe she is there waiting on me. The time I have left on this earth is not the same for her now, 2 minutes of my time could be 20 years in her time. I am just so very thankful I had the 14 years with her. If someone else had spent the time with her I did they would understand why I get so upset. Yes, maybe my mind wants to see her so bad I imagine it but who is to say when I see her it is really not her spirit? She knew when I was coming home and was always waiting on me at the basement door. She knew when I was pulling in the parking lot at the kennel. The woman that ran the kennel even made a comment Daisy started carrying on when I pulled into the driveway. She could not see me and was in a in closed area but she knew I was there. I have to believe that it will be the same when I die. She will know I am there and she will find me. It will be the same for the two of you, Scooter and Arlie will know and will find you. It does not matter if it is a person or animal love is love and that has no boundaries. I know Daisy can feel me thinking about her and she knows I still love her that is why I still see her time to time. She is letting me know.  

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Collettesweetbear

Aweeeee, Daisy, Arlie, Courage, Scooter. I can close my eyes and just picture you pulling up in your car and they said Daisy already knew. And, KayC would throw her arms around Arlie. If I could just hold her and kiss her. Sometimes I just can’t believe she’s not with me anymore. I wake up and the reality hits me everyday. I have to be hit with the heartbroken reality every morning. I’m like ok, how many years will I be alive until I can be with Scooter again? I actually count...and then cry because each day now is too many. It’s not fair, it’s just not fair. She’s been gone almost a year now and I’m still saying “scooter please don’t leave me” 🥺


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@dko  Continue to believe; hope is all we have, we need to cling to that.  Don't listen to naysayers  (my mom was one).  Time is no more in our next life, neither are tears, sorrow, or pain, our animals are happily awaiting us but not fearful or hurting like here.  I think they're having the time of their lives, not in anguish like us.  Yes we will find each other again, I believe Arlie and I were fated to be together, that I happened to see his beautiful face smiling at me in the newspaper (rescue) and I knew he was meant to be mine.  The years proved that.  We were a perfect match.

Until then, my heart goes out to us, the heartbroken, but one day all this will be a moot point and we'll be happy forevermore.

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Collettesweetbear

Ok, this one I need some help guys. “Scooter, do you know where mommy’s keys are?” Oh, wait, no scooter . “Scooter, mommy can’t find her shoe?” Oh, no scooter . I haven’t mentioned this but, I have been doing that since she past. Well, actually I’ve been doing that for the last 17 years, it’s just she died and I’ve never stopped. So, I’ve been talking out loud to her for 18 years. I guess it’s a habit? But, I’m like walking into the kitchen feeling just ok and I need to text my sister so, I automatically just “Scooter...?” And, then the sharp reality hits. i mean I’ve talked to her for so long that I understand but, it’s just like when her face pops in my head and the instant cry buttons pushed. Any suggestions?


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It IS a habit, nothing but passage of time helps these triggers.  EVERYTHING was a trigger for me when I lost George (my husband).  I remember a year after he died, I had my car worked on and their shuttle took me back to work.  Suddenly it hit me that HE had ridden on that same van!  And I lost it, I started sobbing, and everyone on the van got quiet.  I couldn't talk to even explain to them.  I'm sure they thought I was nuts and were glad when I was dropped off at my office.

It's like that for a while.  In the beginning after losing Arlie, everything was a reminder because he'd been an integral part of my daily routine.  The fact that I no longer had to get up at 4 and cook his breakfast was a trigger.  My daily walks were very much a trigger.  Our routine, everything!  From where he'd laid around the house, I could see him smiling and then it'd fade away.  His doghouse, his yard, the fence I had built for him, his toys, bed, everything!  Memories...routines...

It's been 1 1/3 years almost, I'm not triggered as often, but it still happens.  I will never stop missing him.  I will never stop loving him.  I never went through this so much with any of my other animals, although I miss them too.  I was closest to him, he was my soulmate in a dog.

If I lost Kodie I'd be devastated too, he's VERY much a part of my every waking moment!  He's very sweet and loving and interactive.  And that builds bonds.  But even things about him remind me of Arlie, either qualities he does not possess (I could lean on Arlie while getting a rock out of my shoe on our walks), or qualities that are similar, a way he looks, smiling, impish!

I realize this does not address your question as to what to do, you could immediately distract yourself but I wouldn't recommend it. 
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/12/finding-crying-time-in-grief.html

When we FEEL OUR PAIN, our grief, it's part of our processing, not to be avoided.  However, some have found help in meting out their grieving, with myself, I never felt the need to, I was distracted some when working but most of the time there WAS no avoiding it, it came to me unbidden like a thunder storm!  It's important not to obliterate or shut off from our grief, we need to go through it.

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/grief-understanding-process.html

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I actually had someone tell me dogs and other animals were not allowed in heaven. I asked her if she had been there and how was she so sure? Two other people have told me animals go to a different heaven. Until someone has been there and can tell me what it is really like I will believe what I believe. I loved Daisy and I know she loved me, that has to mean something beyond this life on earth. My my crazy brain is just seeing things but Daisy has come back to see me several times since she passed away. The last time she was very close to me and I actually thought it was my new puppy sitting on the bed looking at me. When I became fully awake I realized he was still asleep and that it had been Daisy. I even noticed she no longer had her collar on, it is on top of her box of ashes next to my bed. I do believe she hears me talking to her and she comes back to let me know she is okay. I have had other dogs in my life but there was something very special about her. There was a connection and bond I did not have with the others. It would be nice if they were all there waiting on me, that would be a very nice Heaven. 

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It really hurts because I could not do anything to help Daisy. I spent 14 years taking care of her and making sure she was okay. I would have given anything and done anything for her. That has to mean something. I know I made mistakes but no one is perfect. I just have to believe that she will be there. 

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like Mother of Pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.

 He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

 "This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

 "Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

 "Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

 "Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.

 "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

 The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

 "Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?"

 "Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there".  The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate.  "Come on in."

 "How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.

 "There should be a bowl by the pump."

 They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them.

 "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

 "This is Heaven," he answered.

 "Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."

 "Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's Hell."

 "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

 "No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind."

 

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3 hours ago, dko said:

Until someone has been there and can tell me what it is really like I will believe what I believe.

Me too, DKO, me too!  I look at it logically...God created animals and put mankind in charge of their care.  He knew we'd love them!  If heaven is a paradise without pain or tears, how could it be heaven without our animals!  ALSO, the bible says the lion will lay down with the lamb (in speaking of heaven) so we KNOW there are animals!  Why would He have a lion and lamb and no dogs or cats?  Does not make sense to leave animals out.

They say since animals do not have souls, they don't go to heaven.  How do they know?!  Maybe mankind was the only ones Jesus died for as we alone entered conscious sin, but animals have no need of salvation as they're pretty wonderful as is!  I STILL think all of our animals are there, birds, horses, dogs cats, hamsters, gerbils, etc.!

No one can tell me any different.  My mom was a huge naysayer, but then she was nuts so I consider the source.  Don't mean to sound disrespectful to her, but it's a known fact, she had mental issues ALL her life!  Don't give the naysayers another thought, a waste of energy!

XOXO

 

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1 hour ago, dko said:

It really hurts because I could not do anything to help Daisy. I spent 14 years taking care of her and making sure she was okay. I would have given anything and done anything for her. That has to mean something.

And it does mean a LOT!  That's how it was with my Arlie too.  I only got him 10 1/2 years (he was one year just after I rescued him) but I took the best care of him I could, including cooking for him as he had acute chronic Colitis all his life.  He couldn't tolerate antibiotics so I had to manage it...the vet couldn't help him so I did it myself.  I'm glad I did, I wish I could have done something about his cancer, but alas the vet didn't diagnosis him until it was too late...in spite of his regular visits.  :(  II'd give anything if he was still here.

 

1 hour ago, dko said:

we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind.

Love this!!!

Interestingly, my mom took her dog to the vet to have him put to sleep (he was middle aged and well) because she worried the rapture would come and leave her dog uncared for.  She lied to me about it and told me he had cancer.  I found out the truth from my sister after my mom died.  I was so upset about it, he was a sweet dog!  We hoped the vet rehomed him instead of putting him to sleep.  I would have taken him in!  But this shows my mom's mental state and what we were dealing with.

BTW, the laws here in Lane county say you can't euthanize a perfectly healthy non-vicious animal.

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Hi Kay,

  A friend sent me that story a long time ago when I lost my a dog I rescued name Blackie, she wondered up at the farm back in 1984 and died in 2002. My mom was not going to let me keep her but after spending some time with Blackie she decided she could stay. She ended up becoming my fathers dog and went with him everywhere, even rode on the tractor with him all day. 

  It really makes me sad to think Daisy would have been put to sleep if I had not gotten to the vet when I did. I can't think about what my life would have been like with out her. She was such good companion. I never felt lonely with her in the house with me and I do believe she was put in my life for a reason. Now I have Teddy and he reminds me so much of her. He does things that I forgot she used to do when she was young. When I am walking he is right behind me pressing his nose against the back of my legs. Daisy used to do the same that when I first got her, I think it's a herding thing. Last night he was sleeping on his back with his front legs curled up like a praying mantis, I have a picture of Daisy somewhere sleeping like that. 

  There should be laws about having animals put to sleep like that. I questioned getting a puppy so many times because there are so many dogs looking for a home. Teddy did not come from a breeder so I don't feel so bad about getting him. I do plan on getting another one at some point, just not sure when. 

   I miss Daisy so much. 

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Collettesweetbear

Dko, my heart is so sad for you. You miss your baby. 🥺. You love Daisy so much. I wish Daisy, was with you so you can wrap your arms around each other. You took such remarkable care of Daisy. She just loved it all with you.


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5 hours ago, dko said:

When I am walking he is right behind me pressing his nose against the back of my legs.

Kodie does that!  I never had a dog do that before, I wondered what it was about!

I tried to go through rescues this last time and it did not work out, got six dog bites & some permanent damage to my hands....I was lied to about them.  Also tried once more and they wouldn't answer my questions, were not helpful at all so forewent it.  Kodie is from a first time breeder and I've been attacked about that, but I am unapologetic, totally!  I've adopted many rescues  in my life, but when my son brought me this puppy, conceived when Arlie died, born on my birthday, the name that popped into my head was the same name (unbeknownst to me the breeder had given him a name and my son had typed it onto a tag misspelling it) that was on his tag when my son brought him to me!  He's been what I didn't know I'd need this year during this pandemic, but he is very loving and always nearby!  (Now if he'd just quit digging!:D)  He never keeps me awake during the night and waits for me to get him out of his kennel, never peeps all night!  So I guess I can forgive a little digging.  He chewed the carpet in four places when he was teething but other than that, a pair of shoes, and some socks, he's never chewed anything but his toys. I bought some rugs to protect the carpet and cover the bare places, no real harm, at least it's old carpet!

It doesn't alleviate my missing Arlie, they are totally different in most ways, I will always love and miss my Arlie, nothing can fill that void.  Yet I don't know what I'd have done this year without Kodie, I hope we have many more years together!  I feel almost paranoid about anything happening to him.  I guess that's how we are after such deep loss.  :(

 

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Hi Kay,

  Teddy is also teething. I have a lot of those bully sticks available and the bully buddy. I also buy the no hide chews for him to gnaw on. He is not chewed on anything he was not supposed to, I say that and who knows what he will do tomorrow. He does not do well in a kennel, barks and yelps . I have been taking him to puppy daycare twice week so he can play with other dogs and just to get him used to being somewhere else. 

   Someone called Daisy an old soul. I wonder if that is referring to maybe her being reborn in another body? Is it selfish of me to not want that? I would not want to think she has been reborn and is out there somewhere with someone else. The people that had Daisy before me kept outside, that is how she got out of the yard. She was not an outside dog and I would never have done that to her. I read about one of those animal communicators believing that animals are reborn in another vessel, I do not believe that. I was so worried about Daisy when she died, I just want her to be safe and loved. I would like to think she is sitting there wagging her tail every time I say her name and that she can hear me talking to her. The bond we had is not broken just because she died. She is just waiting on me to join her.  

  

   

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Collettesweetbear

Oh, KayC...I know, I’m so sorry you’re missing sweet Arlie. We will miss them forever. He had that gorgeous smile. I bet if you were in another room and then You looked at Arlie with that beautiful smile he has, you where so happy. I’m so glad you have Kodie now. What breed is Kodie?


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Collettesweetbear

Dko, I’m so glad you have Teddy to love and look after. Like KayC said it doesn’t take away from Daisy one bit. I can surely understand that. But, I’m wondering for me if I could take the step? Right now since January 28 I still cry everyday. And yes rush to the saline to rinse out my eyes. My husband left me because of my depression. He loved me I know but, the poor guy just wanted to be happy and here I am laying face down couch, bed, the floor. It didn’t matter where. With a total down in the black hole flare of depression, I could be there for days... like 4, 5 days easy. David is a very good person but, he came to me one night and said....I love you Collette with all my heart but, your sever depression where you are out for days and cannot communicated at all. He wanted to have a “happy” life and so, one day I was cooking. It was getting late so, I was in there cooking and in walked my sister, the eye doc, my sisters husband and David’s sister And then David last. My sister (who does not cry in public, ever. She walked into the kitchen and said “Bear put the pan down” She calls me Bear for Teddy Bear, I was always carrying a Teddy Bear, it was to long for her so she called me Bear and has to this day. Sorry I got distracted. So, in they march and sister “bear put the pan down. I knew it was bad and actually very bad as I saw her eyes red and pooled with tears. I said what’s going on? David says I want to get divorced. My heart dropped in my stomach. And, I was in shock a little I think because I don’t remember replying back. And, he said I know you just got home from work but, I called your sister and husband and he brought his sister because we were very close friends...she was a terrific friend. He had already packed all his stuff and said “they will stay with you and I’m leaving now to my mom’s. He got into his truck and I ran out there and I said “you don’t love me anymore?” He had on sunglasses and it was nighttime. And he said “I will love you forever but, I can’t live with your depression anymore” he felt powerless to help me and expressed he was starting to become depressed trying to help me. He cried driving off. At that very moment I knew he was driving off for good. Not to return. That was 20 years ago and at that moment on I never married again. I couldn’t bring my depression to another happy guy. So, I grieved pretty bad for years and years. Different grief for husband then my scooter baby. After that night I never saw David again. Except at our divorce hearing. Asking me if I was ok with his sad face, I just turned my back. That was 20 years ago and never seen him since. I heard he moved to California. I didn’t date anyone I was too devastated that the person I loved could not mentally and physically live with my illness.
Now, I was in bad shape for many many years. And, then my friend told me she has a friend of a friend that is a breeder in Dallas and the last one nobody wants her. She didn’t look show perfect. And, her mother kept pushing her away to nurse. I told my friend you tell them I’ll take her. I said don’t give her to anyone else and sight unseen I drove from Houston to Dallas it too around 6,7 hours and I never stop to go shi shi break, nothing. I felt in my heart there was this little cat that her mother wouldn’t nurse and the mama cat ignored her. I ran and knocked and then right then me and baby scooter locked eyes and she was mine forever her life would be. She was a frady cat to everyone even the breeder. I reach out for her and she had big round eyes and so quiet. I seat buckled her carrier in the car and talked to her on the way back. She never made a peep she just kept looking up like “I guess this will be my new mommy” I fell in love with her in the car for 5 plus hours. She just looked at me. And, then her and mine beautiful life together started right that moment. I miss you baby scooter. I know I saved you from well I don’t want think about. And, she saved me from the sadness I had. We were together every day since. I never in my wildest dream thought she was going to leave me one day.?i I mean of course I do know these things but, it was never thought about while we were sharing our happy life together. She was a terrific pet and I know I’m all the better for having her with me that long. She taught me patience, kindness and love bigger then the entire sky. I still cry for you Scooter as u can see. I hope you are happy and being taken good care of. God will keep you safe. “You’ll never know dear how much I love you, please don’t take my sunshine away”

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18 hours ago, dko said:

I would not want to think she has been reborn and is out there somewhere with someone else.

Reminds me of "A Dog's Purpose" which I recorded but cannot watch yet.  I read "The Art of Racing in the Rain" but could not read the last chapter for MONTHS because I could tell what was going to happen.

18 hours ago, dko said:

The bond we had is not broken just because she died. She is just waiting on me to join her.

That's how I feel too.

18 hours ago, Collettesweetbear said:

I’m so glad you have Kodie now. What breed is Kodie?

I am too.  He is Klee Kai, a miniature Husky.  He won't get over 20 lbs (his parents both weigh that and he was the runt).  Huskies have always been my favorite dog, also Golden Retrievers, Arlie was both.  I miss him more than anything in the world.  They give us such unconditional love and are so loyal!  They don't judge us, they're always there for us...until one day they aren't.  :(

@Collettesweetbear  I do hope one day you will give another a chance.  You are right, it doesn't wipe out our grief, but it can give us someone who loves us, and we can watch as little by little our own hearts start to do the same, and it can give you purpose and meaning in your life again.

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I wanted to thank both of you for being on here. I am so glad I am not having to go through this alone and that I have someone to share stories with. I was depressed when Daisy came into my life. She made me feel like I had a purpose and something to look forward to every single day. I did not know those days would pass by so fast and the regrets that I would feel because of that. I will always feel like Daisy was supposed to be with me, everything that happened was not a coincidence. I have to believe that all of that will mean something in the end. With Daisy coming back to visit me over the last few months I have to believe she is watching over me. That she knows where I am and will always be able to find me. 

I tried to watch A Dog's Purpose but couldn't. I did watch Heaven is for real, after Daisy died I felt like I needed to watch it. 

I have my up's and down's these days. I will start to doubt things but then I focus back on the fact that Daisy has come back to visit me. I have to believe that it is really her sitting on the bed watching me sleep. That it was really her that I saw come into the living room the other night, I felt her presence. One night when I was getting ready to go to bed I heard someone knock at the door 3 times. I checked my camera and no one was there. That has happened two other times since then. I bought a book pet's and the afterlife and read in there it is a sign from your deceased pet. I do not want to think I am imagining things. I read other stories in that book from people that also saw their pet sitting at the foot of the bed watching them. The last time it happened Daisy was very close to me, I thought it was Teddy sitting on the bed watching me but he was still sleeping.  I have to believe that with the way Daisy came into my life why should I doubt she would find a way back to check on me? Who is the say a pet can't?  Anything is possible and I should have no doubt's. I just know I have always tried to do the "right thing" in my life and always thought everything through before I did anything. That is what kept my away from drugs and alcohol. I grew up around all of that and saw what it did so I just went the other way and stayed clear of it. I just hope in the end I provided the care and home that Daisy needed and my reward will be having her with me again. 

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Collettesweetbear

Omgosh, dko you have seen Daisy? Usually at night when your groggy? I haven’t seen a stitch of Scooter. I guess since it’s my fault she ended up dying, she feels I let her down. I don’t blame her. It goes around in my head every single day. I’ve come to think it’s my punishment and for letting my baby down in the end. I am haunted by it forever. . Why couldn’t God wake me up 30 mins before? Just 30 minutes and I could have given her pills down her throat even in a fast frenzy. 30 mins or even 20 mins. I was unconscious for days. I can be like that for many days. I guess no pee pee. Which is probably because I’m not eating or drinking the entire time. I am extremely weak from lack of food and not moving for so long. My poor baby was trying to call me to help her I just know it. I just know she would have and mommy was in a coma. I know we are all suffering the unbearable loss of our soulmates but, then to add on because of my depression it was a direct line to scooters untimely death. I’ll never forgive myself. I’m not the same person anymore. I know why I haven’t seen her. It’s because I did let her down. Shana had the most beautiful, loving, affectionate, safe, fun, life for 17 years. She never knew bad things like fear and stuff. She even had her own feline specialist vet all that time. She was groomed on a regular basis, she would have a little pink bow once in a while. She always smelled like baby lotion and baby powder. They must have used two sided tape. Whenever, I went into a room she followed me so, I would walk over and open the closet door she would look around and walk out then on to the pantry and closet in the bathroom. She did this a thousand times but, it was a little game she liked. I gave her this beautiful life and her me. Yet, it was all ruined in the end. I keep asking God why? Why me be unconscious for days and not wake me up 30 mins before? She should still be here. She would have still been her. Maybe that’s why I can’t get to the good stuff memories because I can’t get past the sense of hatred I have for myself. I didn’t mean to scooter. It was an accident with my bad depression you know mommy has. I’m so sorry I’ve said hundreds and hundreds of times. I never wanted our golden years to end like this. I wake up every night at 3 in the morning on a daily bases. Dark circles all around my eyes...no sleep and crying. I have a sinking feeling scooter will not ever come see me.


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15 hours ago, dko said:

I did watch Heaven is for real

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/jan/21/boy-who-came-back-from-heaven-alex-malarkey

This in no way recants people (or animals) going to heaven!  It just means that in this particular story, it didn't happen as first reported.  I wholeheartedly believe in heaven and afterlife!  It doesn't concern me at all that I can't prove it, some things are on faith and I find that to be even more essential than anything else!

15 hours ago, dko said:

I focus back on the fact that Daisy has come back to visit me.

That is special, don't ever let anyone discourage your belief.

I want to share something that happened to me.  No one will ever dissuade me of my reality!  15 1/2 years ago my husband died on Father's day, suddenly, unexpectedly, of a heart attack with diabetic complications.  He had just turned 51 that week.  He was my soul mate and best friend, the love of my life.  My life forever hence has been changed, altered, forever.  I miss and love him each and every day of my life.  I felt the same about Arlie when he entered my life...and left 1 1/2 years ago this week.  

I lost my dream job after George died, and spent 5 1/2 months looking for work, it was the beginning of the recession, 2006.  There were no local jobs so the nearest was 50 miles away, and I got it two weeks before my unemployment ran out.  2011 I'd been cut from full time to one day a week.  I actively sought work, applying to 350 jobs, any of which I could have done, easily.  For the first time in my life, no one would hire me, I faced age discrimination.  I finally got called back to week for four days/week, and made it work with 20% cut in pay.  One day I came to work and was told it was my last day and I could come back and clear out my desk on Saturday.  I knew I was done.  Not old enough to file social security but too old for anyone to want to hire me.  Shortly afterwards I could no longer see to drive at night, which cut out commuting options.  I'd prudently saved any $ I could while employed, and I knew I'd need to live on it before filing social security.  I held out as long as I could (I still have a mortgage and now a car payment) for four years but then I was broke.  I was one year shy of full retirement, but I had no choice but to take the penalty for life.  I called soc. sec. and held for an hour.  It was a Friday night and the employee that finally came to the phone was anxious to be off work.  She told me I'd only get $250/month!  I wanted her to doublecheck as it couldn't be right!  I've always worked, doing something!  No way could I live on $250/month, even if homeless!  I suffer from anxiety and she was sending me into a full panic!  She refused to check and told me to call my local office.  I tried but they'd just closed...I'd been holding for an hour when the lady had come to the phone.  It was a three day weekend.  I had to wait THREE DAYS to have someone verify what I'd get when my life was in their hands?!!!  

That night I was lying on the bed, full panic mode, and I suddenly felt George's hand on my back/shoulder area.  I'd know his touch anywhere.  I did not see/hear anything, just felt his hand on me, and immediately I was calm!  He had that effect on me.  Tuesday morning I called my local soc. sec. office and the nice man that answered gave me the true scoop and filed for me, even signing me up for Medicare, he was wonderful.  

I have never missed a payment or been late, nor have I missed any meals.  Somehow things have always worked out when I could not see how they would!

But never will I forget George's hand on me that evening, it will be with me for life.

Never doubt.  They are with us.  It's not easy for them to cross that veil or get signs to us,  but never doubt their love and caring and that their spirits are with us.  I can't explain it to satisfy a scientist, I can only relay my experience.

13 hours ago, Collettesweetbear said:

I guess since it’s my fault she ended up dying, she feels I let her down. I don’t blame her.

NO, NO NO!!!!  Do NOT think like this!  I wish I could get across to you that they do not blame us, they are GRATEFUL to us for loving and caring for them!!!

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Collettesweetbear

Yes, I believe whole heartily that you felt George’s hand/ and dko saw Daisy. Absolutely yes. In my case I’m worried that a year has gone by and Scooter hasn’t come see me. Maybe she is thinking about it but, needs more time. But, please of course my apologies, I do believe all this. I hope I didn’t mess up some how? I am so grateful dko has Daisy come look over her at the end of the bed. I’m so happy George put his hand of love and comfort on you. Sometimes I say things and it doesn’t come out like indented. Plus we can’t hear tone of voice in a text. All I can do is pray Scooter might one day come and say hello. I guess I just can’t say she will or won’t because I haven’t gotten there yet. Maybe next year, maybe Sunday? I’m going to try and not obsess about when. I will just hope someday. Probably when I least expect it.


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I wanted to thank the two of you for being on here, even if it is not related to something happy. I know I have to have faith that when my time comes I am with Daisy again. I have to believe that more than anything. It is so hard for me not to be sad when I look at her pictures and talk to her. I miss her so much and it's not easy. She was so a big part of my life and always in the same room I was in. If she wasn't I was looking for her, to see what she was doing. That is why I believe so much that it is really her coming back to check on me. Not everyone does see their pet after they pass away, it is different for everyone. With the way Daisy came in to my life things where different between us then other dogs I had. 

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Omgosh, you guys. I re-read my earlier post. Ok, please, please know I didn’t mean how it looked. So, since we can’t hear tone in a text, I will explain. Now listen to this with my tone being loving and exciting. I said, you saw Daisy?! Like that meant “Omg wow you saw her?” Not the groggy word was kinda dumb and sounds weird. What I mean is “and you were you asleep but, woke up when she came to see you on the end of your bed?” Ok, see the difference. Without tone sometimes I say with love and empathy or excitement! So, yes please guys I went to church all my life as a baby, toddler, teenager and and in my 20’s..at that age I handle a lot of the singles group outings. Big fun..those were the days. Thank you for letting me explain. So, of course I believe 100 percent Daisy came to see you and KayC George putting his hand on you. 🥺 it’s lovely you get visited. I’m not seeing Scooter fly by my side vision with a white flash she is really white white fur. She used to run around the apartment after going potty.... Lololol I don’t why. But, I would see her run the baseboards all happy. I could see her white flash running out of the side corner of my eyes. She had so many funny little things that makes me cherish those times even more.


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Hon, don't worry, you haven't created any offense!  No one is upset with you..  I understand your upset, but I hope you don't personalize that you didn't get a sign, it's harder than you think and we can't control it or wish it into existence.  We WILL see them again!  Our worlds weren't intended to cross, but we'll be with them again.  I never meant to upset YOU!  I was just letting dko know that I had one palpable sign in 15 1/2 years when I most needed it.  I don't expect George to contact me.  I'm not one to go to mediums, etc because of my beliefs so I accept whatever God has for me.  

I do know about decorating for Christmas though, it's not the same w/o them.  Arlie always got excited, even willing to give up his recliner by the window for the Christmas tree.  He'd lay on his bed behind the loveseat and gaze at the lights and ornaments.  He loved them.  Kodie seems to too.

 

2 hours ago, Collettesweetbear said:

Probably when I least expect it. emoji171.png

That seems how it works.  ;)

 

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Yes, KayC please go ahead and decorate for Christmas. Arlie would want you too, I want you too! Arlie will be able to see the twinkling lights like he loves so much. Yes, please KayC your Arlie and George would want you too. As bad off as I am right now crying my baby’s not here, she loved to swipe at the balls on the tree and hope one fell off so she could bat at it and chase it. She would sit there and watch the lights for a long time. I’m going to decorate for Scooter. I’m depressed and don’t want to, I’m still grieving. But, I want her to see the pretty lights and possibly making it easier to find me. She wouldn’t want to see me suffering crying with no Christmas decorations. That would really upset her and I’m not going to upset her.
Yup, I’m going to put on some Christmas music and decorate and think about all the wonderful things that Scooter did for me, having the honor of her picking me as her mommy and I’m so grateful. Best thing that ever happened to me and will be forever.


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I couldn't NOT decorate, I actually had my "helper" put up the tree & we decorated it the day after my surgery.  She didn't do anything else as she got up here too late, retired early, slept in late, so I asked her to because I knew it'd be hard for me to.  Don't know how/when I'll take it down but it can stay up a while, no hurry.  So far my hand isn't improving, still swollen and sore and the other one needs surgery, waiting until summer though for it.  Too hard in the winter with hauling wood, snow needing shoveling, etc.

I, too think about how much Arlie loved the tree, my husband too, I honor them in this.

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After my grandmother passed away my mom and aunts would take turns taking my grandfather to the doctor. One of my aunts would stay all night with him, when it was her turn. She said he would go in the bathroom and talk to my grandmother. She asked him why and he said "he talked to her because she was always listening". He was a Cherokee Indian and said even though she was no longer here it did not mean she was gone. I believe the same thing is true with Daisy, she not be here with me but she can still hear me. It is just hard on me because she is not here. When I pull into the carport now I no longer see her jumping around because she is happy I am home through the glass door. I did end up putting a gate at the top of the stairs because I did not want her trying to run down them when I would get home. 

 

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Collettesweetbear

dko, did you receive my messages? Just checking for a response. No worries yes, or no thanks, is Okee dokee.


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I am Sorry if I have not been acknowledging them and yes I receive them. I am not sure how to respond to each message or if there is even a way. Your post did not bother me, I did not take offense in your tone or anything. When I go to bed at night is when I miss Daisy the most. I would pick her up and put her on the bed and she would lay down next to me. I was always worried she would get up in the middle of the night and want down. That was when I built the ramp for her to use. I went to the medium after Daisy died because I was so worried about her. I felt like I was going to have panic attacks and I thought I did the wrong thing. I know the vet told me nothing could be done but maybe I should have taken her to another one for second opinion. In my heart I knew she was told old to have major surgery and that I would not to put her through that pain. I had a dog named Mickey back in the 70's and she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had surgery and when I got her home I found her hiding in the closet. I knew she was hurting and was mad because the vet did not give her any pain medicine, I had to call and get angry with them. For all I know my mind could be playing tricks on me as far as seeing Daisy goes. Maybe it is just my conscience trying to ease the pain so I am seeing her. I want to believe she really is coming back to see me to let me know she is okay. I have been so upset over her and I wondered if she could tell that from where she is. If she can hear my voice I am sure she can tell I am upset. I worried about losing my job at times and what I would do. I am lucky that I am the only one in the hospital that supports the software and the others are 6 hours away. When I had to travel I worried all of the time that something could happen to me. That was why I set up my money in the credit union to go to Daisy's care if something happened to me. I wanted to make sure she was okay and that someone was going to care about her. I am sorry I do not acknowledge all of the posts. Work has been bad the last couple of weeks. I am so tried of Covid and worrying about catching it. I only leave the house early in the morning so I can be at the grocery store when it first opens. I have only been out to eat at a restaurant two times since this started. It has been so depressing because I found myself wanting to be around people after Daisy died and not be home with out her. 

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Oh, yes KayC I remember the helper you had with the Christmas tree. And, you pushing the wheelbarrow with wood through snow and your hand was just soon after surgery. What’s happened? Do you know what’s wrong with your hand getting worse? You need to go to the doctor ASAP. I know it’s Sat and Sunday but, first thing Monday please go to your doctor. If your hand is infected then you might have to go to the emergency room.


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Oh, dko I’m so sorry how much you are hurting. I too cry at night. Please do not second guess yourself seeing Daisy. I’ve always believed they can be right next to you after I saw that movie Ghost with Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze. That movie felt so real. How Demi could not see or hear Sam. So, he did the penny thing and then she knew for sure. I don’t need the penny thing for proof. She will let me see or hear or feel her presence in her own time. So, I have to believe Scooter’s waiting for me. She has to know how much she means to me. I pray she is safe, eating, happy and not sick anymore. I imagine she is running after a butterfly. 

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dko, I’m sorry if you did receive my messages but, didn’t know how you should respond. All my life I try every moment to be a good person. Everything I do or say comes from a good loving place in my heart. I just want to help people and bring them some little joy for a moment. I appreciate you saying you didn’t take offense but, If you were getting my messages and didn’t acknowledge then maybe your feelings were hurt. Again, I’m sorry and I will always treat people with kindness. I don’t always get it right and times I don’t say or use the right verbiage to express the words that I am meaning. I just know I miss my cat and am very unhappy. I got to figure out a way. Time

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@dko If you click on the "messaging envelope" at the top of the screen, it'll take you to your messages.  Click on the message you want to view, underneath it, there is a "reply to this conversation" if you you click on that it'll bring up a window you can type in and then click the yellow "submit reply."  It'll respond to the person who sent it.

When we had them here physically present with us, we went on sight, what we could see, touch.  After their physical body died, we go on faith, believing they are.  

My husband was also Native American but the US didn't "recognize" his tribe because it was smaller.  That angers me still!  They did it so they would not have to pay them anything.  By not acknowledging them, does NOT mean they didn't exist!  Takelma.  He had some relatives in Redding CA, also in Roseburg OR area.  I never got to meet the ones in Redding because I started a new job when he went.  Always wanted to take that trip, never got to.  He died way too young.  :(

I'm sorry we're all hurting.  For years the place where Arlie liked to lay had a sweet smell to it, now the smell is gone.  It breaks my heart.

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I found the messaging envelope. I never hardly scroll to the top of the list to see that. 

I know what you mean about the place where Arlie liked to lay. Daisy had her favorite places and now her smell has also gone away. I wanted to get a lock of hair from her after she passed away. I called the vet's but she had already been picked up for cremation. I felt so bad because because I really wanted someone to put in a shadow box with her paw print. I did not think about it at the time everything happened because it was all too quick. I do not even have that many pictures of her. She did not like the flash from the camera and the clicking noise when I would try to take pictures. She would turn her head and away and start shaking. I did manage to get some by tricking her but it was not easy. I lost some others I had loaded on my computer when the hard drive crashed. I will have to rely on my memories and right now those really make me sad.

My grandfathers family left Oklahoma and moved to Missouri before the registration took place. One of my cousins is trying to do a family tree to find a relative this is on registration. I do not know how far she has gotten, she does not share anything. 

 

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I am so glad that I found this place after Daisy passed away. No one seems to understand what it was like for me to lose her. On here I can keep her memories alive and how much I cared about her. Every day has been a struggle and reading your stories makes me feel not so alone with everything going on. Thank you both for letting me share my stories about Daisy and you for sharing yours.  

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I am so glad we have each other here.  My son loved Arlie very much and came here to be with me when I had to take him in for euthanasia.  When he got here thee night before (he lives a few hours from here)  he laid down on the floor next to Arlie and bawled.  He said, "You've seen the changes (cancer ravages) little by little, I'm getting them all at once."  True, but it didn't help me process his death, how could I?  He was my heart and soul!

But we have shared stories about him, although I rarely get to talk with my son in recent months, they had fires, he had to sell his home, buy another one, move, he's been super busy so I try not to bother him.  My daughter moved also the same weekend.  So I'm alone in this grieving process.  It's been since 8/16/19 but it's not comparable to any of my other animals' losses, the closest I can compare to is the loss of my husband 15 1/2 years ago and you never recover from that.

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I would think it would be hard to recover from something like that, especially when you are really close to that person. Does you son live in CA? I had an offer from Northern CA a couple of years ago and turned it down. I decided I could not move that far away, my mother would have been upset. Last night Teddy sat on my lap and blocked what I was watching on TV. I remembered Daisy doing that and if I leaned to the left or the right to see around her she would lean in the same direction. When she wanted attention she had to be the center of it. I would usually hold her against my chest and she would fall asleep, or in my lap. She was not really a small dog, she weighted about 32 pounds. Last night when Teddy was blocking the TV I remember how Daisy did that. There are so many little things he does that I forgot she would do. When I am walking he comes up behind me and presses his nose against my leg or grabs at my paints. Daisy would do that same thing to get my attention. Today has been really hard and like you said you never recover from that.. I do not think I will ever recover from her, she spent almost 15 years with me. 

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No my son was in Aumsville, OR but now is in Lyons, a small town that burned up.  It's out in the boondocks a million roads to turn on, none of them marked at the end and GPS stops giving directions, all mud & gravel roads.  I couldn't find it & had to call him to get to his place!  All of the devastation from the fires is like you've been gut punched to see!  His house is one of the very few standing, it got the bottom of his property but that was all.  He'll have some trees to remove and wants to help the neighbors that lost their homes by providing washer/dryer for them to use in an outbuilding so they can come & go at will while rebuilding their homes.

We don't get over it but we do learn to live with it eventually, constant reminders of them.  So hard!

                                                                                                                                       

 

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Yes, the reminders are really difficult. I was looking out my kitchen window this morning when the sun was coming up. I was thinking about how Daisy liked to sit on the deck and look out over the yard. My deck is really high off the ground, I park under it. She would sit and look through the rails and bark and anything that moved. I have a swing on the deck and she would sit on it with me, when it was warm out. Teddy has been getting the older toy's out of the basket and playing with them. Daisy would always dig through it looking for her favorite one. She pulled the stuffing out of several of them, I would try to put the stuffing back in them and sew up the hole. She would pick at it until she would get another little hole and pull all of the stuffing out again. I have a picture of her on the couch with a lot of stuffing around her from one of the toys. I never thought about the day when she would not be here. Now all of the little things are coming back that she did when she was younger. 

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Collettesweetbear

Daisy sounds like a lovely doggie. I looked at her pics earlier and she just had the most beautiful eyes. What a remarkable dog. I can see how much you love her. By your stories, you keep all the memories to think about and we get to hear all the great stories too. I will always talk about scooter too.


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Heartbreaking posts. With my recent loss I'm now also looking to the spiritual side. When I've had loss in the past I've gone to a local spiritualist church, got a message from my mum once. My daughter sees things and once saw our rabbit after he passed. Anything that can make us closer to our departed pets I'm willing to give it a try. 

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The memories are precious, but they sting too.  At least now.  Someday they will not hurt so bad.  Arlie was irreplaceable.  So many things died with him.  His beautiful smile, his goofiness, his brains, his spirit!  I loved everything about that dog, he was my forever.  And it doesn't detract at all from Kodie, just means they are both unique for the qualities God made them with!  I have a sister that every time I say something about Arlie, she counters with something about Kodie.  As if my love and memories take from my current ones with Kodie!  It's not a competition or comparison, they each bring different things to the table!  Not necessary to do that.  I feel it invalidates my feelings & memories, which I treasure.  

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Hi Gary,

   I feel the same way. I took care of Daisy for so long and it has been really hard on me with her not being here. She was so good and the best companion I have ever had in my life. I cared so much about her and wanted nothing but the best for her. I contacted a pet communicator because I missed Daisy so much and I had to know if she was okay. 

 

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I'm glad you did. I'd love to do that, but I don't know as yet of there is such a thing for pets in the UK. I'm early on my journey with this 

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Collettesweetbear

Oh, KayC when you said your son came and laid down with Arlie on the floor and cried his eyes out, 🥺. My gosh that had to be so hard. I’m so glad your son came. That Arlie with the Amazing smile. Such a special doggie Arlie. I wish I could have met Arlie. He’s an angel


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dko, that’s cute how you used to watch TV and Daisy would lean back and forth trying to watch TV and Teddy does it too. Lol like they are watching a tennis match watching the ball go back and forth. But, in reality they want you to look at them. That’s so sweet. Sweet Daisy and sweet Teddy too.


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Hi Gary, I talked to Jackie Weaver in the UK the first time, I had to be on the call at 5am due to the time difference. I found out about Rebecca Blackbyrd here in the US and have talked to her several times about Daisy. Talking to Rebecca helped me with Daisy but I still cry a lot. It does not help with missing Daisy but it's good to know she is okay and is watching out for me. Rebecca was able to tell me a lot of things about Daisy no one else knew. There is a Japanese maple tree outside of one of the living room windows. Daisy would lay on the back of the couch and look out that window all day. Some birds built a nest in it one year, when the birds would fly around Daisy would always stare at them. If she was a sleep she would wake up and watch them when they would fly out of the next or sit on one of the limbs. If birds were in the back yard she would always take off running to where they were and smell around trying to figure out what they were doing. Rebecca told me Daisy was fascinated with birds. Daisy is going to be the one dog I will never get over. I do not like using the word dog with her because she was so much more. 

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