Mildly discomforted

[Torifrey]

I feel like a horrible person..on here I read about the worst of the worst. I am an only child who was raised by her father but recently lost him. But here, there is so much worse. I say I was "raised" by my father because I wouldn't say I grew up with him. I mean, he was around but..well...thats about it. You see, after around 5th grade when I started to live with him full-time(I lived with my grandparents before that because of his work schedule and he was a single parent), he was around but just not that interested in me, or so that's how I took it. I loved my father, dont get me wrong, but, I wish I got to know him more. I am about to turn 30 and I feel like there's so much I didn't know about him. Even worse, I feel like he didn't get to know me at all. I dont think he even knew my favorite color. So, here I am, on the anniversary of his death..my mind racing. Do I comfort my stepmom? I can't go to his grave because my stepmom never gave him one. His ashes are at my grandparents house. How do I honor him? He was still a hero in my eyes being his only child and him being a firefighter. Everyone I come across who knew him talks about him like he's such a welcoming guy, "what a guy!" they say.Its not someone I knew too often. So this grief, its hard. It seems almost un-relatable. Just putting this out there in case anyone else can relate. 

[Tony King]

Sorry for your loss, I'm gonna honor mom by being there for dad and remembering her quiet spirit. Life moves so fast nowadays, it's hard for me to keep up. Just know he loved you and was proud of you. 

[reader]

Dear Torifrey,

Everything you are expressing is normal and natural. We all have these thoughts when we lose our parents. I too felt like I didn't know my dad the way I wanted and like you I felt like sometimes he didn't know me at all.

Anniversaries  are tough and it's hard to know what to do or how to feel. Please know there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. It can be as simple as lighting a candle and thinking of your father, releasing a balloon into the sky, writing a letter to him, going to his favorite restaurant or talking to your step mom or grandparents about him. 

For myself, I bring my dad a coffee and flowers to his gravesite. And one year I made a small donation to his favorite charity in his honor.

No matter what you choose to do I hope it gives you peace and comfort.