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Prince...


MadisonGonci

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MadisonGonci

I have been a cat lover all of my life.. we had family cats growing up.  I am 28, so of course they have come and gone.  While I loved them and was saddened by their passing, none of them left me with the absolutely unbearable pain I feel now.  When I first moved out on my own after finishing college, I adopted my long haired ginger boy, Percy.  He is 3 now.  He is my crazy/bad boy.  Still very much "kitten like" and always biting.  He definitely has an attitude, but I love him anyway.  I always thought we had a good bond.  Until I met my sweet "Prince."

I was on Facebook one Friday night, and a photo of the most beautiful kitty ever popped up.  He is a "Flame Point" Siamese, and was predicted to be about 1 year old at that time (3 now).  The photo caption stated that his name was Prince, and he was looking to be someone's Prince Charming.  He has the most brilliant blue eyes I had ever seen.  I had been contemplating getting Percy a friend while I am gone at work all day.  The next Saturday morning (February 16th, 2019), I hurried to the shelter.. before they even opened.  I just knew I had to meet this sweet boy.  I walked right in and they showed me where he was.  It was love at first sight.  I brought him home and was absolutely smitten immediately with his sweet, calm, kind and loving demeanor.  Very opposite of Percy.  While I loved Percy, Prince was just what I needed in a companion.  He immediately loved both my boyfriend and I.  He would greet him and jump up onto a chair by the door every time my boyfriend walked in, so excited to see him.  Constantly purring all day every day.  He just loved people.  I quickly realized that he was a squeaker.  All day he would let out sweet little squeaks.. to let you know he just simply loved you, was hungry, wanted your attention, was happy to see you.  So 95% of the time, my baby goes by "Squeaks."  Pretty much immediately after I brought him home I noticed he was sick.  I took him to the vet and they said he just had a URI, probably from being around other kitties in the shelter.  Antibiotics cleared him up and his health was normal.  He was such a big eater.  Absolutely loves food and would finish his dinner + Percy's, every day.  He actually ended up getting a little chubby.  :)  5 months later in July, he somehow got ahold of ribbon I was using for a birthday present wrapping.  He swallowed it whole and I took him to the emergency vet.  They got him to throw it up whole and all was okay.

A year and 1 month after the ribbon incident with no health issues.  In August of this year (3 months ago) him and Percy were play fighting and Percy got him pretty good with a bite on the face.  I took him to the vet and it healed up.  I noticed he started becoming obsessed with water.  EVERY time I turned the sink on, no matter where he was, he came running.  He couldn't get enough of licking it.  He also started licking the shower floor when I got out.  I know that when animals become overly thirsty it's typically a health issue.  But he has always been a water drinker (more than most cats) ... so I thought maybe it was just a new quirk and he was just having fun with the sinks.  Of course now I am kicking myself for that.  

About 3 weeks ago, I smelled pee on the carpet.  Both of them never have accidents, so I knew something was up but I wasn't sure who did it.   It took me a couple of days to catch him in the act.  I got him into the vet the next day.  They said there was blood in his urine and he has a UTI.  Okay - no big deal.  Cats get UTIs.  I'm not good with medical terms - but I know they gave him an injection and wanted to see him a few days later.  They noticed he had lost weight since the last time he was in so they wanted to do bloodwork.  A very anxious me was waiting for the weekend to pass so I could get the results.  They told me he has FIV, and anemia/kidney disease.  

I pretty much dropped my phone.  How could the shelter not test or let me know he was FIV+?  Most shelters include that in the descriptions on the photos of the cats.  I was literally in shock.  How could I not know this?  How could this be?  His UTI did not go away so they gave me amoxicillin type meds along with iron supplements for his anemia - both twice a day.  They did not seem too concerned but really wanted to see him put weight on.  They said FIV is not a death sentence - but it does weaken their immune system so they have a bit of a harder time fighting things off.  He has been going twice a week, Mondays and Fridays for about 3 weeks now for injections.  He is due to go tomorrow morning.  His health has rapidly declined over the past couple of days.  Literally no energy, sleeps 99.9% of the day, doesn't want mommy to interact with him, peed on his blanket, very weak, won't eat.. etc.  And as you all can imagine... I am shattered.  Inconsolable.  Blaming myself.  Wondering how this could happen?  My sweet boy was completely normal a few weeks ago, or so I thought.  I think what is completely ripping my heart out right now is that he is only 3.  So I can't help to think... why me.  Just why.  My very best friend who I could not be more attached to.  My sweet boy who wakes me up purring on my chest in the morning... then runs down the hall for his breakfast... greets me when I get home..  hangs out with me all evening.  If I am home, he is on my lap.. period.  He waits for me after I get out of the shower.  Runs down the hall to my room when he knows it is bedtime, and cuddles me to sleep every single night purring.  He is the absolute love of my life.  All I can do is cry.  I can't focus on work, I can barely shower, I haven't ate.  I am going insane.  My boyfriend who lost his young dog in a tragic way before we met has been assuring me things will get better.  But I can't understand how...or when.... I barely even want to live anymore.  My phone is 99% photos of Squeaks.  I love my baby so much it hurts.  He has an appointment tomorrow but we are contemplating taking him to an emergency vet tonight and putting him down so we both be there.  God help me... I would do anything.  Why does my sweet baby only get 3 years while some get 20?  Is having pets even worth the absolute gut wrenching sorrow I currently feel?  I know they can't live forever.. but I can't help to think this is so, so unfair.

He is currently laying on a little pillow in the sun.  He is so weak.  He loves the sun.  I hate to say it but Percy will never fill this void.  They are complete opposites.  We have a dog too and while I love him....he is not my baby Squeaks.....I do connect with cats more than dogs.

I have never posted on a forum before or anything like this.  But I am helpless.

Someone....anyone....please... help me.  I don't know how I will move forward.  

Babes.jpg

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I am so sorry...I know of nothing worse than anticipation of your animal's death...unless it be the finality of it and trying to get used to your seemingly hollow existence afterwards.  At least that is how it was for me with the loss of my Arlie (dog companion) after his bleak death sentence 1 1/2 years ago (inoperable cancer, liver shut down).  I will miss him heart and soul for the rest of my life.  I have a puppy my son brought me almost a year ago and I can't imagine being without him now,. I totally love him, but NO ONE will ever fill the spot left by my soulmate in a dog, Arlie.  He was perfect for me.  It takes nothing away from Kodie, each one creates their own spot inside of you, it just is what it is.

I wish there were some way for a different outcome but I know of none.  I hope you will continue to come here and post, it helps to get it out to those who get it and understand.  My heart is with you as you go through this difficult journey.
I hope you'll make use of the links to articles at the end of this one as well: https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/12/anticipating-death-of-cherished-pet.html

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MadisonGonci

@KayC  from the bottom of my heart thank you for your kindness... I currently see no light at the end of the tunnel but I am praying for healing and peace someday.  We put him down last night and I held my baby in my arms one last time.  He is no longer suffering.  It just hurts immensely that his happened so sudden and he is so young.  What I would do for him to live a full life here, with me... Waking up to him not in my bed this morning, and feeding one cat instead of 2.... I just don't know how it improves.  I can physically feel the pain.  Thank you.

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II am just so sorry, I know the pain all too well.  I know this is a l...o...n...g process, very slow and while they say we "heal" a good share of it we just learn to adjust to and live with....I have learned to coexist with my grief, I've had way too many losses.  For me I would not trade one day with Arlie for my pain, it is the price I pay for having him in my life.  It is worth it to me but also extremely painful to adjust to.  I'm still trying to, still loving him, still missing him.  To make matters worse, I lost my 25 year old Kitty a few months later, I thought she'd live forever.  No matter how long they live, it is never enough, but to lose your cat so young feels like a huge gyp.  :(


Their journeys are here:

 

 

 

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MadisonGonci

@KayC  Arlie and Kitty are so beautiful.  I just know you were the best fur mama.  Thank you so much for your kindness.  It has been 5 days and gets harder by the day.  What I would give to have Prince back.  One day....

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14 hours ago, MadisonGonci said:

What I would give to have Prince back.  One day....

I know, very hard in the interim.  I miss them all but missing Arlie feels unbearable sometimes.  I have to be patient, not my strong suit.  It seems this is what my life has become, hardship (pain, struggle) and grief.  Where are the days when we LIVED?!  Like when I was young, raising a family, actively enjoying life?!  2021 isn't a year to write home about.  Sorry, I just had surgery and the pain is getting to me.

It does help to know there are others here that get it.  A place we can vent and know we're understood.  I wish we could all wave a magic wand...

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So sorry to read Prince's story and your sudden loss of him. :(

I know where you are, I know the heartbreak. (My cat died from a sudden multi-organ failure likely due to a poison at 15.)

I promise as horrible as it seems right now, it will not always feel so bad. But it does take time and the grief is a roller coaster.  

 

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MadisonGonci
On 11/18/2020 at 8:33 PM, AJWCat said:

So sorry to read Prince's story and your sudden loss of him. :(

I know where you are, I know the heartbreak. (My cat died from a sudden multi-organ failure likely due to a poison at 15.)

I promise as horrible as it seems right now, it will not always feel so bad. But it does take time and the grief is a roller coaster.  

 

Thank you so very much for the kind words <3  It has been a struggle, that's for sure... I miss him so dearly.

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Very hard.  I'm sure of this, I'll never be over Arlie.  All we can hope & strive for is learning to live with it and keep the faith we'll be together again.

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