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When/how do you start moving on?

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When I picked up my husband's ashes in January, I had this intention of mourning for a year, and then sprinkling his ashes at the 1-year anniversary of his death. Then it became very clear that there is no way I'm going to be willing to part with any of his ashes at 1 year or probably ever.

9+ months later, I am past the phase of not being able to look at his photos. Now, I am hanging his photos and embracing the marriage that we shared. I feel like I have this continuing bond with the happy, healthy version of him, like nobody can ever take that from me. I am comforted by the knowledge that I was (am?) a good wife to this amazing person, and I get strength from knowing that this amazing person loved me.

I still talk to him and cry, pretty much every day, and I am not ready to start dating again, but I am starting to think about the fact that I would like to be married again at some point in the future. I'm starting to be curious about what that might look like when I do decide to date again. I mean, right now, I just burst into tears whenever I think about dating, so that's a complete non-starter, but I guess I'm wanting to prepare for the path forward from here.

Oh yeah, I'm in my early 40's, so even trying to make friends with people is tricky right now. I don't feel like people my age can generally relate.

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I think you're preparing the path right now in a very healthy way. You're feeling your grief, not denying it. But you also are recognizing that your future holds possibilities. It's hard to do both at the same time, but you are. Good for you. 

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