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Only sister (my "big" sister) died. Mixed feelings. Estranged family.

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Hi everyone,

My only and "big" sister died recently. We were very estranged and it began literally in childhood. She was extremely distant when we were growing up. Nothing had occurred to cause it, it was simply her personality. But it hurt. I was a girl too...and having another girl in the house made me want to be friends with her. She simply wasn't friendly.

As we got older..into our 20's and beyond, her distancing herself from me and the rest of the family continued. Absolutely no relationship was there.

It was constantly being hurt. She was 6 years older than me but her best friend for a very long time was someone I went to high school with!!!  I felt very rejected by my sister. Extremely.

When our parents passed away in 2012, I hadn't seen her in 25 years. Not because I wanted it that way. She was the one who chose alienation.

Since she was my only sister, I always hoped and dreamed and made literally at least 100 efforts over the years to impress and win her affections. I thought it was me. But nothing worked. 

Now that she has passed I feel sad. I feel heartbroken however that she never loved me. And ignored my overtures to be in a sisterly relationship with her.

I haven't had many people to share this with. It's complex and unless you know someone really well, going into all these details is embarrassing.

I appreciate you listening. And here's some love for you who are also grieving. XO





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