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Mother died; I need help... I didn't expect it to be so difficult.


jdodson89

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My mother died a few months ago. It was sudden and unexpected. She was 56.A life long alcohol abuser... I loved her anyway...I did tried to help. She wasn't a bad person. Sometimes this outcome is unavoidable...Sometimes people just choose a bad path, I understand it. I don't like it but I know my situation isn't unique.

My father has abandoned the household... I know everyone deals with things different so maybe hes finding his way to deal with it.  She was his wife, but she was my mom, too.

He is an alcoholic too, more than my mother was. I just... I used to dance with her and help her, take care of her. and I moved away when they seemed okay. Then I moved back when they told me she was sick, I wake and find her... cold and not breathing one morning. I don't want to describe because she wasn't perfect but she deserves respect; every human does. The problem is... well... I am sure anyone who read this will understand... when I found her I immediately grabbed her to check her and she was cold, but I couldn't push her eyes closed because they were too swollen and I immediately called 911.

Okay, sorry, I hope every knows the details can be very important. People sometimes have some inside they don't know how to,,, get out?

My father abandoned 3 children, 3 grand children. I have to handle all this, finances, and the legal stuff involving bills and legal trade. I am a 31 year old disabled male on disability and caring for half a dozen people. I've had very bad anxiety and depression disorder since I enter puberty. I don't want sympathy and I know I will need a therapist but in my current financial state I cant afford this. I have many kids(not mine, I don't have kids) all very small to care for,

So I need advice how to deal with my mom dying, my dad leaving, and everything fall apart.

I never had issues when I was just doing my own thing but now everyone expects for me to do everything.

I'm not selfish or planned to flee but its hard to be strong when every night is dreams about dancing with my mom and i wake up and remember she isn't there anymore.

 

I'm sure you had a million posts like this before, I'm sorry: I just don't know where to go to.

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Dear jdodson89,

I'm very sorry for your loss and it is overwhelming during such a difficult and sad time. It is important to feel supported. I don't know where you live but hopefully there are some resources in the community or through church that can offer some assistance and support. There are normally 24/7 distress lines in the community and they can help connect you with some resources.

I also found these websites to be helpful.

Grief in Common - online support and grief coaching

Grief Healing Blog

What's Your Grief

Grief Recovery Method

 

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Thank you.

I'll examine these resources.

I just thought for so long I'd just get over it and I can't. So I've finally admitted to myself I need to seek help. I've dealt with many, many, many deaths but never something like this. So I thought I could beat it alone but I have to admit I'm not a fortress. Thank you for replying, I'll examine the resources you linked but if anyone else wants to reply then I'll appreciate ANY input.

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Dear sydjasp,

Grief in Common  - the lady who runs this site offers grief counselling and is running online support groups. There is a lots of good information on her website. I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. My condolences to you and your family.

 

Dear jdodson89,

Losing a parent is very hard and brings up a lot of feelings. I too struggled with asking for help and getting the support I needed. I don't know if you would also consider AA as another resource.

Please keep taking it day by day. Don't be hard on yourself and know its okay to ask for help. It's a good first step. The rawness of grief takes my different paths.

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On 9/29/2020 at 6:14 AM, jdodson89 said:

Thank you.

I'll examine these resources.

I just thought for so long I'd just get over it and I can't. So I've finally admitted to myself I need to seek help. I've dealt with many, many, many deaths but never something like this. So I thought I could beat it alone but I have to admit I'm not a fortress. Thank you for replying, I'll examine the resources you linked but if anyone else wants to reply then I'll appreciate ANY input.

Dear J, I truly admire the way you have shared your story, so heartbreaking, without any self pity. You are being so brave and courageous dealing with what has life has dealt you, I am so sorry. 
please know you are not alone and keep checking back in, i have found it helps and we should not make us more lonely than we already are right? 
i am 25 and I too have dealt with many deaths in close proximity and it just hurts. Thats why I think its admirable that you are not going down a rabbithole of why me which is just unhelpful. 
its not something you get over. It becomes a part of you and you just get better at faking or coping or surviving or existing. For me, I have lost interest in a lot of things that made me happy or content or whatever. Its a learning curve for sure, in a lot of ways, I feel like another person. People react differently to loss, it depends very much upon age and life stages. Just know that getting through each day is a miracle and you are very brave for doing so. 

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