I miss sleep

[StillAlive]

I wish I could remember what good sleep was like. Since the moment my dad was diagnosed sleep hasn't come naturally or easy... Not that it ever has.... I'm so tired of being awake. Between years of anticipatory grief and now actual grief it feels liked I'm never going to sleep again. At least not without medicating... And even a single dose of Ambien doesn't work anymore.... I am so tired. Don't get me wrong...I've tried everything. I mean EVERYTHING.... Yoga.... exercise... sex... prescriptions and more prescriptions.... meditation... reading... no screen time.... Music... calming sounds....natural supplements... tea... talking... writing.... essential oils.... Non prescription drugs.... I'm not sure what's left.... Aside from hitting myself so hard over the head i pass out.... This is the worst experience I've ever had...and it's endless. THIS CANT BE FIXED. Nothings ever going to bring him back. And it doesn't get easier

[reader]

Dear StillAlive,

I hear you. (((hugs))) I too want to fix it so my dad is here. So badly. Please know we are with you. Have to keep standing and knowing that there is a little light and hope. Try to close your eyes for a few minutes.

[Leigh]

On 9/18/2020 at 1:39 AM, StillAlive said:

I wish I could remember what good sleep was like. Since the moment my dad was diagnosed sleep hasn't come naturally or easy... Not that it ever has.... I'm so tired of being awake. Between years of anticipatory grief and now actual grief it feels liked I'm never going to sleep again. At least not without medicating... And even a single dose of Ambien doesn't work anymore.... I am so tired. Don't get me wrong...I've tried everything. I mean EVERYTHING.... Yoga.... exercise... sex... prescriptions and more prescriptions.... meditation... reading... no screen time.... Music... calming sounds....natural supplements... tea... talking... writing.... essential oils.... Non prescription drugs.... I'm not sure what's left.... Aside from hitting myself so hard over the head i pass out.... This is the worst experience I've ever had...and it's endless. THIS CANT BE FIXED. Nothings ever going to bring him back. And it doesn't get easier

I have the same issue. My mom was sick for years and I would be nervous and then the days leading up to her death I was so scared the phone would ring and she’d be gone. Then after she passed I had this Erie feeling and I still have it. I always start thinking and toss and turn for hours. Then I usually pass out from being so tired and then I have to get up and I’m exhausted all day. I’m in law school so I really don’t want to take any sleeping pills because I really need to focus but I don’t know what could help. I hope you find a solution to get relief!! If you ever need to chat I’m pretty much up all night. 

[StillAlive]

I am a student also and fight the same battle with medications. It is weird the different emotions that keep a person from sleeping. I also find that fear gets me sometimes.  I think part of what makes insomnia so bad is the after effects to. It messes with me in so many ways. It makes trying to treat the suffering of grief impossible sometimes.

[TrentonRoth]

Oh gosh, I can completely relate! I know how hard it is when you can't get to sleep. It's draining, and it can really mess with your day-to-day life. You've obviously tried loads of different things. It can be tricky to figure out what works for you. But if you're lookin' for extra tips for better sleep and tricks that'll help you get excellent sleep, make sure to get a consultation with your doc. It always works great and helps you find a solution. Actually, it's even better to ask a few doctors and compare their opinions. And remember, it will get easier with time. Good luck, and keep us updated on your issue.

[Peacebewithyou]

Please avoid Ambien, Lunesta (Z-drugs) and Benzos.  These will down regulate your GABA receptors and make sleep even worse.  I know from first-hand experience.  I was on Benzos for 6 months back in 2016  for some minor sleep issues and after I stopped Cold Turkey (not recommended) and had about 70 zero nights or nights of no perceived sleep over 9 months and for months I averaged 5-10 hours of sleep per week.  It was all the result of taking different Benzos.  I started with Xanax (Alprazalam) and then switched to Klonopin and then to Temazepam and finally Diazapam (Valium).  It took a long time for sleep to return on it's own.  

My dad passed on January 23, 2023 and I am really struggling again.  Not so much with lack of sleep, but in general with grief.  I could use some positive advice to lift my spirits.

[Arnie]

On 2/9/2023 at 2:49 AM, Peacebewithyou said:

Please avoid Ambien, Lunesta (Z-drugs) and Benzos.  These will down regulate your GABA receptors and make sleep even worse.  I know from first-hand experience.  I was on Benzos for 6 months back in 2016  for some minor sleep issues and after I stopped Cold Turkey (not recommended) and had about 70 zero nights or nights of no perceived sleep over 9 months and for months I averaged 5-10 hours of sleep per week.  It was all the result of taking different Benzos.  I started with Xanax (Alprazalam) and then switched to Klonopin and then to Temazepam and finally Diazapam (Valium).  It took a long time for sleep to return on it's own.  

My dad passed on January 23, 2023 and I am really struggling again.  Not so much with lack of sleep, but in general with grief.  I could use some positive advice to lift my spirits.

Yes benzos didnt suit me as well.  I now get 6 hours of sleep on my own need 8.  What do you suggest?

[Peacebewithyou]

6 hours really isn't that bad?  I know some people don't feel rested on 6 hours, but in reality, you can easily live on that amount with no issues?  It's not true that we all need 8 hours of sleep each night or something bad will happen to us.  I went for about 15 months on an average of 3-5 hours per night (that's the average with many 1-3 hour nights).  It isn't fun, but you develop coping skills.  The best thing to do is accept your situation, learn to meditate, practice gratitude, not attitude.  Punching the pillows and tossing and turning only ensures you will get less sleep.  Avoid all Rx drugs the same way you'd avoid rat poison.  Try CBTi (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy - Insomnia) and practice good sleep hygiene, exercise and eat as clean and healthy as possible.  Try not to worry about how much sleep you get (or don't get).  Eventually sleep returns to normal, but it took me about 2 years.  That doesn't mean your sleep is poor or bad the whole time then it just gets better.  It was a very non linear process, up and down, until it evened out.  I now sleep 7-8 hours pretty much every night but still get an "off" night every 3 - 4 months.  I'd check out this website:  https://thesleepdoctor.com/

[Arnie]

Thanks ! Where did you learn cbti ? From a website ? Or from online counselling who do you suggest ?

I am also trying melatonin 5-10 mg  or valerian root.  How’s were these ?

I am also just feeling low and can’t focus at work . 

[Peacebewithyou]

Lazarus Naturals makes a good CBD sleep gummy and another gummy with CBD and 2mg of THC...it can be sold to all 50 states.  Lazarusnaturals.com

CBTi was an online course, I believe it was called shuti or shuteye?

[StillAlive]

Hello. It's very odd for me to see these posts from so long ago. You guys. It gets better. My God does it get better. It's wild for me now to think about this original post. Just hold on. Keep going. One day you'll think back to memories, moments, blips of existence and you will smile instead of cry. Hang in there.