I am so jealous!

[Anne Huber]

I never noticed couples before.  I was a couple.  I was the one holding hands with my husband, going on walks, dancing, going to sporting events.  My husband died August 20. We had both retired as of June 30, 2020.  That's when he was diagnosed with Stage IV neuroendocrine cancer.  He was given 5 years, but contracted Covid-19. He died 23 days later.

I am numb, angry, hurt -- and I am jealous! I see older couples with white hair holding hands.  I wanted to grow old with him.

I see couples playing tennis, at dinner -- I am the one with the empty chair opposite me.

I see couples at Church.  I sit in an empty pew.

I am so filled with jealousy that sometimes i can hardly breathe.   I want to scream when I hear someone complain about something trivial about their spouse.

I am jealous because I do not have someone to talk to in the house.

I loved being married.  My husband was my best friend since I was 9 years old and he was 11.  He lived behind me.  We went from grade school to college together.

I miss my friend.  I miss his hand holding mine.  I miss the sound of his voice.  I miss laughing.  I miss being a couple.

And I hate Covid.

[KayC]

Oh yes!  And you have good cause for your feelings.  What's hard for me is that they who still have each other don't begin to appreciate it or realize what it'd be like without them!  My BIL is dying of cancer now and I can't count the times I've heard my sister complain about him...he took complete care of her (she's disabled and has dementia now) and she's about to lose him...

I am so sorry for your loss!  I wish we all had our husbands back.  And yes, we hate Covid and this whole year.  I want life to be normal again and afraid it never will be.  How can it?

I wrote this article of the things I've found helpful over the years and I hope something in it helps you either today or later on in your journey as it is ever evolving.  I hope you continue to come here, it helps to express yourself even if just venting.  It is a place such as this that saved me when I lost my husband.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

[Missy1]

I understand that, I also wonder why my life turned out like this. I thought we would grow old together and be together forever. He died at 58 I am left to spend these last years of my life alone and without the person I love more than life itself. struggling financially and emotionally destroyed. Almost 30 yrs together and I am utterly lost without him.
So yes I am also jealous and a wee bit angry, depressed and disconnected, this is my life now till I die.
More than anything my heart is broken, I love my husband so much, he was reason for living, he is gone along with my hope and my dreams. I am also stuck here living in this grey neither land, between life and death. I try to imagine what it’s like when one dies, and where he is. I want to tell those couples out there  that they should treasure every minute, they are numbered, one day there will be no more.

[Yoli]

Absolutely jealous. Jealous that others get to go home and talk about their day, get to go to sleep with their love by their side, wake up the same way, get to hear them snore or sleep talk. Jealous they can still make plans for the future. Jealous they can still physically touch each other, give each other their secret 'lets get out of here' look or  the 'you better reign it in' look. Jealous they don't even think about when they complain about their partner/spouse.

And finally jealous that it had to be our world that was destroyed and not theirs.

[foreverhis]

@Anne Huber  Welcome.  I'm sorry you find yourself here, but you've found a good place to be.  The members here almost literally saved my life when I came here about 6 months after my husband died.

About that jealousy...Oh boy, do I know that one!  In the first months, I was a virtual hermit and could only stand being around a tiny circle of people.  Even that was hard for me.  I'd figure out, "Okay, how many days do I have to leave the house this week?" and try to make that one, two at the most.  Then I'd steel myself for the inevitable agony those trips would be.

Every time--every single time--I saw couples, young or old, but especially old, I got angry and jealous.  When I'd see a couple who were clearly a decade or two older than my love and me, when they'd be holding hands or helping each other, I couldn't take it.  I'd think, "Why should they get to be happy and together?  We should have had that too. It's not fair and it's not right. I hate the universe and I can't stand the people in it." 

Sometimes I couldn't help feeling a little bit that way even about the people my husband and I love.  Close family and friends who were and are grieving his loss too, but who still had their own spouse to come home to every day.  I knew that made me "small" inside, but feelings like these aren't rational or reasonable, they simply are.

Finally, I decided that I am entitled to feel however I feel.  I'm the one whose life was shattered into tiny bits, so I'm the one who gets to decide how I'll survive it.  Once I joined here, I discovered that not only was I not alone in feeling jealousy and anger, but it is so common as to be expected at some point through this journey.

I do not feel it as strongly as I did 2 years ago, but those twinges do still come.  I've also developed a bit of a split personality about it.  When it's strangers, I can still be jealous or resentful at times.  Yet, when it's the people I (and my love) love, I'm happier for them.  All three of my sisters (one by birth, one in-law, and one by choice) and a couple of other friends have at times quite sincerely asked me things like, "Is it okay to talk about the trip (or whatever) we're planning?  I don't want to make you feel worse."  At some point, I don't know when, I discovered that yes, it is okay.  In fact, it's not only okay, it is a reminder that the kind of cell deep love my husband and I had for each other still exists in the world.  Amazingly, everyone in our close circle has relationships/marriages that are very much like ours.  They know what that love is.  They also understand that while they grieve his death and that it has affected them deeply, I am the one whose life and world fell apart.  And so they are often incredibly thoughtful that way.

Nora McInerny includes the anger and jealousy in one of her TED Talks.  I loved the way she describes how so many of the other widows (hate that term!) she knows would talk about seeing older couples who have clearly been through decades of life together, all the things big and little, and it would "fill my heart with rage."  She is right upfront that the description is very personal for her, that she has felt that intense anger and resentment as well.

I'm sorry to say that how you are feeling and reacting is extremely common.  At the same time, I hope it helps you to know that you are not alone in that.

[widower2]

I'm so terribly sorry. I have a friend who recently suffered a similar loss (just retired and looking to their "golden years" and then she was gone)...I don't say that to pretend I know what you're going through, which would be foolish, but hear it through him and perhaps at least have a vague idea, and clearly others have a better idea. In fact my beloved would be retiring about now if she was still here, I just realized that.......

And yes, I can appreciate being jealous of people who still have that relationship and hating the gross injustice of it!  Who the hell makes these rules I'd like to kick the #### out of them... 

I would only offer that as unlikely as it seems, this isn't necessarily or in fact even likely how your life will be from now till the end, esp the searing anguish we all feel after such a loss. It never gets easy, but it does get easiER.  I know you don't want to hear this, but you need to allow yourself time; there is no quick fix. 

 

[Anne Huber]

Thank you to each one for replying to my post.

We had a wedding in our family this weekend and it has been very busy.  I had gut wrenching tears the day of the wedding.  I wasn't sure if I would even be able to make it.  My sister kept introducing me as, "this is poor Anne.  Her husband recently died."

I call it the "empty chair syndrome."  Every one at the round table had their spouse.  I had the empty chair sitting next to me.  When the music started, I wanted to leave.  My husband and I would do the jitterbug, the waltz and foxtrot.  We loved to dance!  One of the last things he even said to me was, "dancing with you was really fun."

It was then, not just the empty chair syndrome, it was the empty table syndrome with me sitting there.

I survived the wedding. Even went up to do the Chicken Dance, Line dancing etc. -- but it just wasn't the same without my husband's arms around me.

PS - do you know how some weddings have the anniversary dance, with the oldest couple being the last one on the dance floor.  We got married at 19 and were married for 48 years.  We always thought at THIS particular wedding, we would be the longest married.  I didn't know how I was going to make it when the music would start.  It was such a relief that the couple did not include that number.  They did everything else so traditional.  I will have to face that song one day, I am sure - but I was grateful it wasn't last Saturday.

I miss my best friend so very much.

[foreverhis]

16 hours ago, Anne Huber said:

My sister kept introducing me as, "this is poor Anne.  Her husband recently died."

Oh my.  I'm sorry, but that was really insensitive of your sister.  She likely thought it would be helpful for people to know, but first, it's your decision what to say and not hers, and second, the way she introduced you makes you sound like someone out of a Victorian novel or a black cloud of doom.

I'm so sorry that this family wedding was even harder for you than it might have been, which would likely have been nearly impossible.  My heart is breaking for you not being able to have the "longest married" dance.  It's hard to think about being "lucky" right now, but in a way you were.  To have met your soulmate at a young age and been able to basically grow up together.  You absolutely deserved to have years and years more.  No number of years, no amount of time will ever be enough when we're with the right person.

One thing I've reflected on over the past several months is that I was pretty young when I met my husband at 23.  We married when I was 25.  He was 10 years older, but we hoped to have at least 50 years together.  I'd tease him that "I expect 50 years out of you mister!" and he'd say, "That's the plan."  And yet, I know that having 35 years, while not even close to enough, was a blessing.  A wonderful imperfect man who was perfect for me, chose very imperfect me to live his life with and love always.  That's really something.  Yet, it also makes the loss that much harder.

I wish I had the perfect words to help, but I'm afraid they simply don't exist.

[KayC]

Wow, I don't know how you endured that evening.  I hope you talk to your sister about her "introductions."  

[widower2]

On 9/27/2020 at 8:14 PM, Anne Huber said:

Thank you to each one for replying to my post.

We had a wedding in our family this weekend and it has been very busy.  I had gut wrenching tears the day of the wedding.  I wasn't sure if I would even be able to make it.  My sister kept introducing me as, "this is poor Anne.  Her husband recently died."

I agree with the others that this was grossly insensitive and I am appalled, though she may have meant well. You might suggest to her that she cease and desist in the future. Something radical like "hey doofus, just say 'this is my sister Anne.' " And that's it. Full stop. 

Ironic though, as I also attended a wedding this weekend, and thoughts of my beloved popped up. I almost didn't dance because I hate it; I have this feeling that "I don't dance any more" because my dance partner is gone and I have no desire to dance ever - but then the mother of the bride all but insisted that I join in so to be polite I did (just silly group dancing stuff).

[Yoli]

Well done to you Anne, for even attending the wedding. I get anxious going anywhere now if I have to interact with people I don't know. 

I can't quite believe you were introduced by your sister that way, what in the heck do you say to that. I am sure it made the other people feel awkward to say the least. However, your feelings should have been front and centre. I think I may have just left. I went through a big part of my life being the single one at weddings and events. Then I found my One and we had 18 years together. Now I am back to where I started. The thought of having to go to these sort of events both horrifies and petrifies me.

So I admire that you even went Anne. You must have much strength.

[Anne Huber]

I did not come online yesterday.  Our area had huge thunderstorms and my basement flooded.  I made at least 30 trips up and down the stairs with sopping wet towels.  I saw my husband's wet-vac and thought, "I can do this."  I turned it on.  It worked for a second and then stopped.  I tried everything I could think of - cleaning the hoses, pullinIg the plug out.  I am not a mechanic.  My husband was - he could fix and do anything.  So here I was, my feet in water, holding the hose of this wet-vac, looking at all the damage and wondering, how I am going to clean all this??!!  I starting with just one little tear and ended screaming, WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?? I CAN'T DO THIS!!!!'

Then I heard a voice say, "check the water level."  I struggled how to even up the wet-vac.  When I did, water was filled to the brim.  I don't know how I even carried the drum over to the stationary sink. I don't know if it was my own thought, or an angel's or Ron's -- I was grateful that when I turned it on, it worked.

Three washloads of wet towels later, I went to bed with my sciatica killing me from all the lifting.  Today I boxed up and threw out everything that was wet. 

I really do not know how I can do the upkeep on this house with only me.  My kids live 3,000 miles away in Seattle.  I think I should sell the house, but everybody tells me wait a year. I don't know.

Tonight as I was doing dishes, I heard "Annie's Song" by John Denver on the radio.  My husband would sing that to me as we waltzed around the kitchen island.  When the lyrics came to "let me die in your arms," I just buckled over with sobs for Ron did die in my arms.

I am so tired, hurting, angry, sad and I miss my husband so very much. 

                         "Let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you, come let me love you, come love me again."

 Love, Anne

 

[Gail 8588]

Anne, 

I am so sorry.  I had some days like that too and it is just soul crushing.  It is too much to bear. The physical exhaustion, physical pain, emotional exhaustion, the empty feeling of total dispair. Yet somehow I didn't die.

Somehow, you just get through today. 

I hope you can have a few days of rest after that ordeal.

As to selling your house, I do agree with the general advice that it's best not to make any big changes when you are grieving.  Most of us have acknowledged that our brains were foggy for a considerable period after the death of our love.  It's hard to make decisions or think clearly. 

But sometimes circumstances require change. I had to sell my house because I couldn't maintain or afford it. My sister-in-law and my best friend came and helped me (by pretty much them doing what needed to be done and me in a fog collapsing in tears every so often). I moved twice in one year.  It was very hard, and I needed a lot of help from people I trusted, but in my case it was for the best. I now live in a manageable size house close to my son and grandson.  Being near the baby has really helped me find my way back to the world. 

If you have good friends and support where you are, and you can afford to stay, I think it may be best to stay put for a year to get your feet back under you and to let the brain fog clear.  Then make a decision about whether to move or stay. 

Just like the drunk driver doesn't think he is too impaired to drive, the grieving spouse doesn't recognize that their brain is impaired. You really need to rely on the judgment of people you trust when you are considering any big change.  And if you make a big change, like a move, you will need a lot of help.  

For now just get some rest and know your love was helping you with the wet-vac. 

Hugs

Gail

[KayC]

12 hours ago, Anne Huber said:

I just buckled over with sobs for Ron did die in my arms.

Oh Anne, I am so sorry for the day you had yesterday...the life we're all left with!  But you did it!  You handled it!  I've had 15 years of surviving loss of jobs, needing new roofs, surgery and recovery on my own, etc. and my kids aren't here either, both very busy with their lives.  But I am feeling so proud of you!!!  You handled it, and exhausted and hurting as you are, you did it!  I imagine your Ron is proud of you too.  Maybe that was his spirit prompting you to check the water level.  I too am not mechanical, and hate such stuff, yesterday I spent the day researching generators and came away with no answers, only more questions.  I talked to friends' husbands and neighbors, have a lot more questions before I decide, but I have figured out what generlink to order & now know the procedure.  will have to have someone show me where to oil the generator once I do have one and how to use it.  Ugh.  And I didn't know all this would be a down payment on a house!  And I already need to have my house painted next summer.  There goes the bit of savings I have.

This isn't for the faint-hearted, that's for sure.  But we're doing it, we're all surviving.  Sometimes I think the lucky ones are the ones who didn't, the ones who get to die within three months.  I never knew anyone like that.

[foreverhis]

17 hours ago, Anne Huber said:

Tonight as I was doing dishes, I heard "Annie's Song" by John Denver on the radio.  My husband would sing that to me as we waltzed around the kitchen island.  When the lyrics came to "let me die in your arms," I just buckled over with sobs for Ron did die in my arms.

First, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if the voice you heard, while in your head, did come from your Ron.  "You can do this and I'll try to help you," he'd be thinking, I bet.  I've had little signs and things along the way too.  Whether they're in my imagination or truly from my love does not matter to me at all.  What matters is that I believe in them, in him, and that there is something beyond this world, something wonderful and mysterious.  I try to keep the universal faith my husband and I settled on that wherever "there" is, it is a good place to be, that he is there, and that he will be waiting for me some day when it's my time.  Until then, I'll take any little sign I can get.

And good for you for taking care of things, even though it was difficult and literally painful.  I get that, truly.  I have two auto-immune conditions that can be very painful and that affect my health significantly.  So yes, there are days I know I have to do something that he would have done in the past and I know I'm going to feel horrible later, but there's no way around the fact that I am here and he is not.

As for hearing "Annie's Song."  I don't think I've ever mentioned it here (I'm a rather private person in that regard), but that is my name.  We both liked John Denver's music and my husband, a trombone player and musician by avocation, played the guitar a little.  Recently, I was copying old CDs onto my hard drive to sync over to what was his and is now mine (mine pooped out) MP3.  That was one of the songs.  I pretty much lost it and had to stop for a while.  Music is a huge trigger for me anyway, as I am also a musician by avocation and we met in the theater, so hearing that after so long just knocked me flat.  My husband died with me by his side, holding onto him, and telling him for the millionth time that I love him and was sorry I didn't save him (as if I could magically make his cancer disappear).  I think I can truly say I understand why you reacted the way you did.  These are the things that will always take us by surprise, no matter how much time goes by.  At least, that's the way it seems to be so far.

I'm sure your Ron is really proud of you.  How could he not be?

[KayC]

 Do you mind if we call you Annie or would you rather we stick to foreverhis?  I love that song too...George couldn't carry a tune in a bucket but he was a huge music lover and enjoyed very eclectic taste in many kinds of music.  Country was our favorite, although my dad would not call it "country" by his old country standards.

We had a lot of "our songs" so many that my son put together a CD for our wedding of most of our favorite "our songs."  

[foreverhis]

4 hours ago, KayC said:

 Do you mind if we call you Annie or would you rather we stick to foreverhis?  I love that song too...George couldn't carry a tune in a bucket but he was a huge music lover and enjoyed very eclectic taste in many kinds of music.  Country was our favorite, although my dad would not call it "country" by his old country standards.

We had a lot of "our songs" so many that my son put together a CD for our wedding of most of our favorite "our songs."  

Annie is fine.  Sometimes I think I'm too private a person.  For example, while I am on FB, it's under my mother's maiden name with some truth and some not so much because I just don't trust social media sites.  But this isn't social media; this is a support group full of people who I know care.  Even though we may never meet in person, we are a grief family and that matters.

As musicians who came from musical families, my husband and I were both eclectic in our tastes and in the music we performed.  One time I was at the record store (okay, by then it was CDs...) and had to stick to my budget.  I brought about 20 CDs up to the counter so I could select the four or five (on sale, of course) that I just had to have right then.  The clerk came over to say hello, looked at the stack of everything from classical to jazz to rock to operetta to musical theater to country to modern instrumental and said, "You're a musician, right?"  I said "Yes, how did you know."  He pointed and said, "Musicians always seem to walk up here with stacks that look like this."  I said, "Oh." and then we both chuckled.

Music will always be an emotional trigger for me.  Yet, I had Pandora on the other day and one of the versions of the instrumental dance suite from West Side Story came on.  For the first time in more than 2 years, I didn't immediately start sobbing and I didn't switch to something else.  As the first thing I played for my husband on what we knew would be his last day, it has been impossible for me to even contemplate hearing.  I cried, absolutely, but I let it play and didn't completely fall apart.  I remembered my husband in the orchestra and once conducting the show.  I remember him playing the dance suite in one of his instrumental groups.  As a trombone player, he adored playing shows like that because they are heavy with really wonderful low brass parts.  I felt I had taken another step forward when I was able to remember his joy and well as his pain.

[KayC]

I envy you your musical ability!  George would listen to such a variety of music on his long commutes to work (75 miles one way), classical, jazz, reggae, country, rock, pretty much everything except for rap.

[foreverhis]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

pretty much everything except for rap

Yeah, rap was not a genre we listened to at all.  We weren't big on grunge or heavy metal either, though there were a few pieces here and there that were okay.  Two things we, my husband in particular, could not tolerate were unsupported nasal vocals that are "breathy," "whiny," or "shrieking" and overdone vibrato.  One of our other pet peeves is lyrics that are repeated over and over and over.  He'd say, "Did they run out of words?" and I'd say, "I guess they don't know any others."

One year, he had to commute 35-40 miles each way to a full time client's offices.  It was over the hill to the coast, so radio reception sucked.  He'd keep a whole bunch of cassette tapes (wow, talk about the dark ages) of all kinds of music so he could play something that fit his mood at any given time--or to keep him awake on late evening drives home.

I think an appreciation for and enjoyment of music is one of the best things in life.  Being able to perform is great, absolutely, but being able to just listen and take it in is a gift as well.  Actually, in some ways it's easier.  It's kind of like with theater.  Once you've been in multiple productions, you can never just "go to the theater" because your brain is also thinking about the technical aspects, either admiring or criticizing, or gathering ideas for another production.  In my husband's case, he might also be looking at actors or orchestra members he'd want to recruit for a show that was going to go into auditions soon.

 

 

[KayC]

22 hours ago, foreverhis said:

We weren't big on grunge or heavy metal either

Same with us.

22 hours ago, foreverhis said:

He'd say, "Did they run out of words?" and I'd say, "I guess they don't know any others."

  That's one of mine too!  I'm on our church's praise team (leads morning worship) and that's one pet peeve I have about today's music vs the old hymns.  Some of the music videos can go on and on and you think it'll never end!  I don't hold it as an argument as I think we have to be tolerant of one another and not always assert our own ways, but it's just my personal preference.   I've been singing since I was a child, although I'm not what I'd call a "singer" or professional by any means, but I do love music!  George was my biggest fan and I miss looking out over the congregation and seeing his smiling support. 

 

 

 

 

[foreverhis]

On 10/5/2020 at 9:45 AM, KayC said:

that's one pet peeve I have about today's music vs the old hymns.  Some of the music videos can go on and on and you think it'll never end!

Agreed.  Although I think some of today's faith music is really great and it can certainly keep younger people engaged in figuring out how faith fits into their lives and what it means to them, much of it seems repetitive to the point where it's like, "Okay already.  We get it.  Move on."  OTOH, while I still love many of the old hymns, there are many others that I disliked from the time I was a child and still do because they're boring, at least to me.  OTOH again, one needn't be a person of faith to hear a beautiful rendition of "Ave Maria" or "Pie Jesu" and get goose bumps from it.  The music itself is inspirational and some might call it miraculous.

On 10/5/2020 at 9:45 AM, KayC said:

I've been singing since I was a child, although I'm not what I'd call a "singer" or professional by any means, but I do love music! 

Yes, you are a singer.  Obviously you're not a professional, but you don't need to be to make music.  Neither my husband nor I were professionals.  Music was one of our passions and artistic expressions.  Sure, he was "paid" as a conductor and we both had shows or gigs where we were "paid," but in amateur theater/orchestra that simply helps cover the costs of preparing for and performing the show or concert.  He was paid more for conducting because of the responsibility, but he generally spent any extra on more musical stuff he needed or on his orchestra members, maybe a little goodie, a fun get-together, or things like that.

It's a cliche, especially if you know A Chorus Line, but we did it for the love of it.  Obviously, you do too.  That makes you a singer.

[KayC]

Missed everyone today when we couldn't get onto the site.  Kodie and my birthday.  Discovered he has a bad ear infection and no one would see him, I called several vets.  Soonest I can get him in is tomorrow.  James Herriots are a think of the past.

[widower2]

On 10/4/2020 at 1:58 PM, foreverhis said:

Yeah, rap was not a genre we listened to at all.  We weren't big on grunge or heavy metal either

Me either. Similarly, I'm not big on sticking a hot poker into my eye.