WHY

[Jenni's Mom]

I'm not sure what to expect from this. Maybe just talking to someone that isn't hurt in all of this.

On July 22nd at 3AM my world came crashing down. All the Troopers said "there was an accident" Jennifer is deceased. My initial response, what about Mark, her fiance. Deceased as well. Motorcycle crash. Oh lord the pain. She just turned 30. The oldest of 6. She had 2 children, 5 and 7. He had 3. They were raising them together and the wedding was supposed to be on May 30th of this year, but due to Covid had to be cancelled. It has now been 6 weeks. There isn't a morning I don't miss her facebook calls. She would call me every single day. We where so close. I'm trying to be strong. My husband and I are supporting each other as well as the rest of the siblings. The youngest and closest to her, lost his job over this. I still feel this isn't real. I want to scream, I want to cry. I let it out when I need to, but I'm so tired of crying. I never understood the pain that consumes you when you're losing your child. She was my mini me. The world moves on, but seems to stand still for us. WHY we ask ourselves. What did we do, what did their children do, what did the siblings do to deserve this? I always believed when it's your time to go, it's your time to go. I can not reconcile that believe now. How could it have been her time to go. She was so beautiful, so full of life, love and laughter. We are heartbroken and now I know what that really means. Your heart truly is broken. A piece is missing. I dread the days of celebration and get togethers. The sadness hits you out of the blue. I have a good day, then I see something that reminds me of her and the tears start flowing. I know it is something that will never go away, but we will have to learn to live with it. When people say, they don't know what to say, I appreciate it, because, there are no words.