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Lost my father 6 days ago


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DragiTata

Can't even process that my father is gone. Hit by a truck while riding a bicycle. Just like that.. gone. I know he'd tell me not to cry but I just can't stop. I can't seem to grasp the idea that I will never speak to him again and hug him. Hurts so bad....

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Mark Coz

I'm sorry to hear this. What a sudden impact in your life out of nowhere! How it is possible this can happen.. but life its merciless.. sorry for you to endure this pain and loss right now. Terrible.. Only advice.. if you even want to hear some advice at this point is.. do not push away emotions.. let them come out.. accept what comes up.. the tears are cleasing our souls.. 

If you need a chat.. just sent it out.

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DragiTata
8 hours ago, Mark Coz said:

I'm sorry to hear this. What a sudden impact in your life out of nowhere! How it is possible this can happen.. but life its merciless.. sorry for you to endure this pain and loss right now. Terrible.. Only advice.. if you even want to hear some advice at this point is.. do not push away emotions.. let them come out.. accept what comes up.. the tears are cleasing our souls.. 

If you need a chat.. just sent it out.

Thank you for your encouraging words. Any advice helps actually because I feel completely lost. I've lost family before but nothing compares with this. I understand I'm not alone, I feel like there's even worse pain out there. I'm not holding back tears and I'm accepting how it is, or trying to. It's just a surreal feeling. Feels like I'm dreaming. On top of that, he lived in another state and I haven't seen him in a while because of this pandemic, but we talked every day or so. I want to listen to his  voice notes on WhatsUp app we used, but not sure if that's a good or a bad idea. His last moments haunt me, I imagine his lifeless body on the road, broken, with groceries spread around. It just keeps repeating itself like a daytime nightmare. I try to be strong for my kids and others around me but my life flow just took another form and direction and have no idea where it's gonna lead me.

(I dedicated my user name to him, it's four different forms I called him "Dad")

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Thank you so much for sharing. My heart goes out to you. I unexpectedly lost my dad a month ago to a massive heart attack. I really relate to how surreal it feels, especially those first couple of weeks. I've been through a lot in my life, but I've never experienced a pain quite like this. I can also relate to your experience of continuously imagining your dad's last moments and the way he died, and I'm so sorry. My dad died in a public bathroom at an auto parts store. It's really painful knowing he was alone. I always imagined that when it was his time to go, I'd be there holding his hand. 

If you're feeling lost and you don't know what to do, that's normal. I've been trying to be strong for others, but am realizing I need to take care of myself the best I can. Reaching out to this group feels like self-care. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to contact me. Can't say I have any answers, but I'm a good listener and I understand what you're going through. You're not alone. 

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DragiTata

Hi, thank you so much for your response. And for sharing your story. I simply feel like my life entered another dimension. Nothing is the same. The time has a different meaning, people around me seem strange and distant. It's like I'm disassociated with this reality. All I feel is this

My father was very connected to nature, especially plants, herbs, flowers, birds and trees....water, sun, air...anything that nature has to offer. He was a minimalist in every sense and I'm so proud of the fact that I knew a man who's life force was so pure and deep, that nothing material mattered. He loved my brother and me immensely, loved his 2 grandchildren and he had several very good and dedicated friends who loved him. He was a master chess player and enjoyed the games on daily basis with his friends. He was 64. I am 42, just like you.

No matter the time, our love for them will not lessen. We have to stay occupied and keep up with our daily life, but at the same time, we need to allow quiet time to grieve. And cry. It will be very difficult. Don't fight it. I'm not. Whatever feels right at the moment it how it's supposed to be. I do believe that he is present even that his physical form is gone. 

What was your father like, and what did he enjoy? Maybe you can seek deeper connection with him thru those things he loved to do. And this will slowly help you heal...

My philosophy about life is out of ordinary and it may not be the right way to comfort you, but that's what I know and feel. If it helps, please write again.

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I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how hard this can be. I lost my mom 4 weeks ago. It's ok to cry and feel the grief. Sometimes when I try to hold back the tears, I get very anxious. I feel a little better after letting it out. I don't know what the right comforting words are to say because I haven't found anything that has comforted me yet but I am here to listen if you would like to vent. I know sometimes talking helps me. <3

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Lexllexi

I lost my father a week ago suddenly as well. It hurts, its the unanswered what ifs, the thought that I didn't get to say good bye. I find myself reaching for my phone to text him to tell him about something and then remember he's not there. Its painful losing a parent, but its a whole other ballpark when youre a young adult and they die suddenly. Its not something you're prepared for and its not something that others your age seem to understand. Im not sure how to comfort you as I am going through something similar, but I can say from experience of losing a different father figure, my stepdad when I was a kid. I can say that it never feels entirely better but it does get a little easier as time goes on. Its like scar tissue its never going to be the same but the hole isn't there anymore. We just have to manage and grieve with it in the meantime and find ways to help it heal.

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What I have experienced is that people family do not even want to give the option of listening. So everyone urges me to bottle it up and not let it out. That grief is personal and I suppose it is but I am 25 years old and people twice my age and more, do not have an ounce of sympathy. I have stopped talking to everyone about it, writing it down instead because that I read online helps. Friends in my experience only listen because it makes for a good story to hear. Nobody my age is going through this or has gone through it, they are busy thinking of careers and relationships.

 

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DragiTata
On 9/6/2020 at 11:08 PM, Leigh said:

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how hard this can be. I lost my mom 4 weeks ago. It's ok to cry and feel the grief. Sometimes when I try to hold back the tears, I get very anxious. I feel a little better after letting it out. I don't know what the right comforting words are to say because I haven't found anything that has comforted me yet but I am here to listen if you would like to vent. I know sometimes talking helps me. <3

Thank you. And I'm truly sorry for you losing your mom. I wanted to write sooner but my life has been hectic lately. I seem to be behind on everything. Some days I seem okay, like the last two. But the day before that I was a complete wreck. The scary part is my emotions are so unpredictable, once I start crying, there is no stopping for hours. I'm 'afraid" what the evening will bring, because the time when my kids and husband are gone to bed, I hurt so much, I cry myself to sleep in the living room, curled up like an infant, with no covers on me. Feel so pathetic at times. I appreciate your response, please write also if you feel this helps. I find more comfort here than talking to someone who just wants to be courteous and asks how I am doing. Because I know they really don't want to know. 

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Thank you so much! I totally understand about your unpredictable emotions. Mine are all over too. I’m in law school (I went back to school) and luckily due to Covid classes are online bc I’d be a total mess if not. It’s a good distraction, I just hope I’m present enough in class. I have the same thing at night. I fear going to bed bc I feel so horrible before bed. Almost like an Erie feeling. And I always cry. For some reason for 2 weeks after my mom passed, I couldn’t get into my bed. I slept on the couch. I’m not sure why. Mornings are hard too bc I just wake up like oh man another day feeling like that. People say it gets easier but I almost feel like I don’t want it to get easier bc I feel like then I moved on and my mom is just a memory. You’re definitely not pathetic! From what I’ve heard the more you grieve and cry, the better. I find it easier to talk on here too. Everyone I talk to says it will get easier, she’s with you, she’s in a better place and sometimes it’s not comforting at all. I found this meme and it kind of sums up how I react inside to people’s help. I never posted it anywhere bc I never would want anyone to think I don’t appreciate them trying and I don’t agree with everything in it like the pain part but maybe you can relate too.2D2EC060-9CBA-4C64-A11C-EF104E7E6939.jpeg.9a427d34da71e3a23ce01ced891c83f5.jpeg

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On 9/13/2020 at 6:33 AM, Zee24 said:

What I have experienced is that people family do not even want to give the option of listening. So everyone urges me to bottle it up and not let it out. That grief is personal and I suppose it is but I am 25 years old and people twice my age and more, do not have an ounce of sympathy. I have stopped talking to everyone about it, writing it down instead because that I read online helps. Friends in my experience only listen because it makes for a good story to hear. Nobody my age is going through this or has gone through it, they are busy thinking of careers and relationships.

 

I know it’s really hard. People are busy with their lives. The first week or 2, everyone I knew called me. Now it’s 5 weeks and only a couple people call now. I don’t have many very close friends right now. My mom was my best friend. I totally understand how you feel. If you ever want to talk feel free to pm me. 

39 minutes ago, DragiTata said:

Thank you. And I'm truly sorry for you losing your mom. I wanted to write sooner but my life has been hectic lately. I seem to be behind on everything. Some days I seem okay, like the last two. But the day before that I was a complete wreck. The scary part is my emotions are so unpredictable, once I start crying, there is no stopping for hours. I'm 'afraid" what the evening will bring, because the time when my kids and husband are gone to bed, I hurt so much, I cry myself to sleep in the living room, curled up like an infant, with no covers on me. Feel so pathetic at times. I appreciate your response, please write also if you feel this helps. I find more comfort here than talking to someone who just wants to be courteous and asks how I am doing. Because I know they really don't want to know. 

Thank you so much! I totally understand about your unpredictable emotions. Mine are all over too. I’m in law school (I went back to school) and luckily due to Covid classes are online bc I’d be a total mess if not. It’s a good distraction, I just hope I’m present enough in class. I have the same thing at night. I fear going to bed bc I feel so horrible before bed. Almost like an Erie feeling. And I always cry. For some reason for 2 weeks after my mom passed, I couldn’t get into my bed. I slept on the couch. I’m not sure why. Mornings are hard too bc I just wake up like oh man another day feeling like that. People say it gets easier but I almost feel like I don’t want it to get easier bc I feel like then I moved on and my mom is just a memory. You’re definitely not pathetic! From what I’ve heard the more you grieve and cry, the better. I find it easier to talk on here too. Everyone I talk to says it will get easier, she’s with you, she’s in a better place and sometimes it’s not comforting at all. I found this meme and it kind of sums up how I react inside to people’s help. I never posted it anywhere bc I never would want anyone to think I don’t appreciate them trying and I don’t agree with everything in it like the pain part but maybe you can relate too.

40F09898-AF73-46A3-B3DF-6D49FA1221FD.jpeg

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Monalisa76

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad from corona virus on 8 August. I don't have any advice to give just yet as I am still learning to cope with my own grief. I have a hard time getting through daily life. 

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