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Feeling lost in life

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Hello Members,

I wish to share with you all about something that is affecting me lately.

My beloved sister passed away around 2 months ago at the age of 28. But the thing is that I still can't believe that she's gone. Her passing away was like a movie and ended very fast. It feels like she is still alive in some other part of the world. My heart still doesn't accept that she has passed away.

She was critically ill in hospital on her last day and was struggling to breathe using the oxygen mask. And she passed away before I could reach the hospital. Till today, I feel very guilty and sad that I was not beside her during her last few moments.

She was a person with special needs (physically and moderately mentally challenged). All her life, she was dependent on us for food and other necessities. I really wonder if she realized what was happening to her during her last few moments.

There were times where she threw tantrums and I got annoyed and scolded her. Now, When I think about those times, I feel ashamed of myself and guilty that I scolded her.

She is the only sibling I have. Now, I feel very lonely. It hurts deeply when people ask me if I have any siblings nowadays.

I always keep thinking of her and am not able to even focus on my job or interests now. I feel very disinterested in life. I just only shower and eat every day. I really miss her a lot.

She used to be a great eater.She enjoyed different kinds of delicious food. Nowadays. I feel guilty if I tried to eat any fanciful food. It's like I'm trying to enjoy myself without her.

I really don't know if I can overcome this current state now.




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