Jump to content

Find out how to register Here!!

Check out how to register on the site!.

Share Your Loved One's Pictures

In our beautiful Gallery

Grief Support Marketplace

Check Our New Products In The Marketplace

Take Grieving.com on the Go!

Buy on Apple and Google Play
New Members - Check Your Spam/Junk Folder for Confirmation Email ×
Nmark

Loneliness

Recommended Posts

Nmark

How does everyone deal with the loneliness that follows the loss of a partner? I am at six weeks now since I lost my husband to a car accident and  the visits from friends and family have diminished significantly. When I’m alone in the house, or anywhere actually, I see him everywhere I look. We did everything together. We were always having fun and laughing and loving life and each other. Our kids all have lives of their own and don’t live at home anymore, our friends are all married and have busy lives. They all have been here but as time passes they have their own lives to tend to. With the social distancing and COVID issues, people are not congregating anywhere anymore, or at least not safely. It’s so hard to be alone. All I do is cry and miss him when left to my own devices. Any coping mechanisms? 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lars M

I don't have any advise for you but I do know what you are talking about. I lost my wife two weeks ago we were married for 30 years and the loneliness is crushing . We too did everything together. I am still in shock I can't believe she is gone I still try and call her a couple times a day. I hope it get's better for both of us but thanks for sharing.  

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nmark

I hope it gets better too. I also want to reach out to him via text or snap or call all the time because if we weren’t together physically we communicated every hour or so. I’m working out right now and am in tears because he’s not here beside me. We made a workout room in our house to keep up ourselves in shape during quarantine. He did everything to stay healthy and live a long life and his life was ended by a distracted driver. It’s so hard to come to terms with. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Gail 8588

Nmark and Lars,

I am so sorry for each of your losses.  I think grieving the loss of a spose/partner has been made exceptionally difficult by the pandemic.  The normal expressions of comfort and caring by friends and family are impossible. Your own ability to try to work through your grief is restricted. You can't go to the restaurant you and your love always went to, because the restaurant is closed.  

The isolation of the pandemic has been very difficult even for those of us who have been on this grief journey for years.  My heart breaks for those of you who have recently been shattered by such an enormous loss. 

I don't know if this will help, but I talked to my husband for many months after his death.  These conversations ran the full range of emotions, sobbing for him to forgive me for not saving him, being angry that he left me alone, reaffirming my undying love for him, laughing with him at animal antics, feeling his presence on long walks.  In your isolation, I hope you can work through some of your grief in dialogue with your love.   

Gail

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
KayC

@Nmark and @Lars Menefee  I am so sorry for your losses.  This pandemic makes a very difficult situation all the harder.  My husband and I were always together too, we were soul mates, best friends, lovers, and he died suddenly 15 years ago.  I was in shock.  ALL of our friends disappeared overnight!  I would not have expected that!  My two best GFs didn't even bother attending his funeral, instead making plans for something "fun" to do!  

I wrote this article of the things I've found helpful over the years, the first/biggest being to take one day at a time.  Anything more than that invites anxiety.  I employ it still.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255
  • Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lars M

Thank you for the kind words I found this web page about a week ago and joined yesterday because I need to talk to people that have walked in these shoes. I am still very early in the grieving process and want everything fixed now. I can't stand looking at her shoes and coats in the closet but I can't box them up yet. I know this is a one day at a time process. I am glad I found people that can relate. all I get now from co-workers is are you doing ok now. Thanks again !

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
KayC

It amazes me what people say, of course you're not okay!  What do they think?  I think THEY want to feel you are, but if they stopped and thought about how they'd feel if it was them, they wouldn't ask that.  I'm glad you joined, I encourage you to read some of the current threads here, you're not alone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.