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I feel like I just killed my sweet precious dog


Imissmypreciuossweettoby

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Imissmypreciuossweettoby

I am very traumatized on what happened . I feel like I just killed my sweet precious baby . I feel like I didn't go with my instinct that my precious baby can still make it thru and that I am still able to take him home instead I let the emergency dr cloud my mind saying he might not make it thru and his uncertain if he will even survive at all . I feel like I just killed him for my own selfish way bec I am afraid I wouldn't be able to say goodbye properly . Holding him for the very last time and looking at him . I told the dr he seems to be fine then he goes saying his breathing is not normal and that if I take him home he will die . So I made the uncertain to let him go but deep inside me I truly believe that he is fine and will it thru the process . This goes back at first when everyone telling me to let go of my dog and not go thru chemotherapy. They were wrong . My dog was doing so good . Is just the unexpected happened . It happened sooooooo fast . I truly believe that they misdiagnosed my dog (vet , emergency dr and oncologist ) and hope they can sleep well at night.  I've lost the only thing that's keeping me out of insanity and keeping me happy . I've lost the only things that's giving me unconditional love  no matter what . I felt like I didn't fight hard enough for him and have let go of my instinct because someone say he will not make it . I feel like I've just killed my dog . 

No one can ever help me .

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I am so sorry for your loss, I know what that is like because I lost my soulmate dog, Arlie, he had cancer, it was inoperable, his liver was shut down before they diagnosed him, even though he had regular physicals, they missed it, I don't know how this could happen.  I want you to know the feelings you are experiencing is normal and a part of our grief response. We go through all of the what-ifs in an effort to find a different possible outcome even though the one that happened is all there is and we can't change it.  We feel anger, frustration, extreme pain, and take it out on ourselves at a time when we most need compassion and understanding.  We are grieving our precious babies.  I hope you will read these articles, and read them again, as many times as it takes to sink in.
IMO, making the decision to release their suffering peacefully is what a good dog parent would do, it is not what we want, it goes against our grain, we want to hold onto them at any cost...but not at cost to them.  When they die we exchange their suffering for our own.  I know it's painful.

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/04/pet-loss-guilt-in-wake-of-euthanasia.html
http://www.griefhealing.com/blessing-the-bridge.htm

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Imissmypreciuossweettoby

I am still at lost on what happened and I truly believe that my sweet precious boy can be save . I feel like I should have asked more questions . Maybe if I didn’t call that night to check up on him . The next following day I would be able to bring him home . I know nothing will bring my precious sweet baby boy back . He is gone forever . What really pushed me to let him go is what the emergency dr told me . I didn’t want to do it but because fear of I wouldn’t be able to say properly goodbye and for him not to suffer anymore based on what I was told . I’ve let him go even if my gut is saying this is not right . *crying out loud  

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I do hope you'll read the articles, it can take reading them again and again for it to begin to sink in, even if only reading one a day.

We always want a different ending, this is the toughest thing I've gone through since losing my husband.  :(

 

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