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My husband ran over my dog


Trishmartinez

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Trishmartinez

I went outside to sit on my patio with my 16 year old toy poodle. He usually comes outside and sits in the chair next to me while I read. It was no day different then any other.. My husband was pulling up the driveway when my dog jumped out of the chair and ran towards our truck. (This is a behavior that he has done for years) I immediately started yelling at my dog “No come here” but Since I am disabled I could not get up fast enough and my husband had already ran him over. I screamed to the top of my lungs “NO”. I tried to grab my poodle and he was just screaming and crying and for the first time in his life he bit me . He drew blood. I couldn't get him.. I headed for the house and my husband had got my dog and brought him inside. I fumbled with my phone trying to get the vet on the phone. I couldn’t barely talk so I handed the phone to my daughter.. she was 11 yrs old and didn’t know what to say so I took the phone from her and in all my grief I managed to yell out.. I need to bring my dog in he was hit by a car.. The vet then replied there is an after hrs charge and I screamed at her “I dont care” I mean I get that sometimes ppl cannot afford it. Noone can really right now with Covid 19 but I didnt care if it bankrupted me. I just wanted my dog seen . The vet then told me she would meet me there. I was wayyy to broken up to drive.. I went to the bedroom to find my husband and he had gotton in the shower. He said he had been in a hurry  to get home because he had to got to the bathroom really bad! Well I guess in light of what happened he didn’t make it.  But To me I was so mad!! “Why?  My dog is dying “ I yelled at him get out of the shower and take my dog to the vet.. .. he got out we put my daughter and my dog in the car. I couldn’t go with him because in my heart I knew he wasn’t going to make it. I didnt want to be there and see it.. if I was on the phone I convinced myself somehow it would be less real.. idk!  . So I kissed my dog on the head and told him that I loved him and shut the door. When they arrived at the clinic I got on face time and spoke to the doctor,” I said plz save my dog plz” she told me both his back legs were shattered , his pelvic bone was shattered , he had a hernia, he had internal bleeding and he was in shock. She said at his age even if I did the surgery it would be really expensive and he most likely still wouldnt live and by some shred of a miricale if he did make it through he would never have any form of a normal life and would most likely be in pain all the  time.. I didn’t care about the money..I only cared about him! I already knew he was at the end,  so I made the decision  to put him to sleep. So he wouldnt suffer..   My daughter held the camera up where my dog could see me and he tilted his head back so either he saw me or he new my voice when I spoke to him. I watched helplessly as my baby took his last breath. Then I hung up the phone and cried. I cried myself to sleep last night. Hours and hours and when I woke up this morning.. I started again and I cant stop. My husband keeps leaving.. went fishing afterwards last night and again today. Other then a few sniffs while digging Haleys grave.. he has not cried or anything. I asked him if he cared and he said, I feel guilty. But no tears. And how can he fish when he killed my dog. How can I ever forgive him? When my husband came to bed last night He barely touched my arm and I felt disgusted and almost ill by his touch.  What am I supposed to do? How can I forgive what he did. I have yelled at my husband a million times about driving up the driveway. He always says he will move out of the way and I have always been worried from day 1.  Everyone else always stops and when the dog walks to the side of the car they drive real slow and are careful but my husband always accelerates.  How can I let this go and how can I forgive him. Why am I disgusted by his touch and Why do I not even want to look at him. 

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I am so sorry for the loss of your dog.    He is so sweet looking and I know this was the last thing in the world you expected to happen that day.  The pain of losing my Arlie 10 1/2 months ago has been one of the hardest things I've gone through, reminding me of when I lost my sweet husband 15 years ago.

You have a lot of issues going on.  I want to let you know that men and women grieve differently.  It helps not to judge his responses but to realize that he is grieving in his own way.  When he says he feels guilty, he truly means it.  Men have a hard time showing emotion and vocalizing their feelings, their brains are different from ours.  He can't be different than he is.  That he teared up when digging his grave shows he does care.  He's undoubtedly having a very hard time facing you.  Rejecting his touch is going to add fuel to the fire.  You might tell him you are having a hard time dealing with all this and need some time to process it, perhaps he won't take it as such a personal rejection then.

Trying to make him feel more guilt will only make things worse, it was an accident.  I'm not sure why your dog was out loose when this was a regularly occurring thing that concerned you but that contributed to what happened, not only his hitting him but the situation occurring.  I don't say that to make you feel bad, only to realize it wasn't only your husband's hitting him that allowed this to occur.  I hope if you ever get another dog that you are careful not to allow him near running vehicles.  

My heart goes out to all of you in your loss.  I read another similar story in my other forum and a couple years later the person is still having a hard time forgiving her husband.  I hope that won't be the case for you, I'd hate to see you lose him/your marriage on top of this loss, it does no one any good.  (((hugs)))

https://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/topic/943-different-ways-of-grieving/?tab=comments#comment-3749
and for your husband:
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
https://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

I hope this brings you some comfort and peace:

 

 

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Trishmartinez

We live in a rural area and our home is back off the road. My dog never ran into the road.. only to the driveway That is next to the patio when ppl drove up. Infact, there is an acre of land between our home and the road. Our driveway is right next to our home.  Everyone uses common sense when he ran towards them. I just could never convince my husband that he needed to stop or slow down. He was the only person.  He always said “he will move..” :(   Im having a very hard time processing his death but idk I think it was so fresh In my mind I wasn’t emotionally avail. I have cried now for 4 straight days. But everyday I feel just a little bit better. I think it will be a long time but I think I will find forgiveness. I think I already am starting. I will never in a million years get another dog. I cannot ever imagine going through the pain of having a dog for 15-20 yrs and then him dying for any reason. Or maybe thats is just my grief talking. Idk.. but thank you so much for your comment. God Bless

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I am so sorry.  That sheds more light on it and it would indeed be very hard to process. 

I had about come to the same conclusion after my Arlie died, that he was my last, but my son brought me a puppy before Christmas and although he's not Arlie and those attributes he possessed are gone with him, that is partly a tribute to how special my Arlie is...Kodie has made his way into my heart for qualities he has.  No two alike.  Arlie will forever remain my "soulmate in a dog."  I have loved every dog I've ever owned, but that one...was special.
I read this article this morning and thought of you...https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2015/10/pet-loss-how-long-before-adopting.html 

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I read your story that is so so sad, I am so sorry. Your dog up in age probably was able to move out quickly but maybe not as easily. It always takes time to process such a traumatic loss but this is especially hard with your husband who also, I am sure, feels awful. 

I hope you are doing okay. Regarding another dog, it is tough to lose them but so many need good homes. Perhaps the time will be right someday in the future to rescue a dog that needs it. 

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And I want to point out that the name of the article I posted can be a misnomer as it's about IF as well as when.  We are all different in how we choose to handle this.

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MarinamissingSokka

I just had a similar situation happen. Lastnite my  20 year old son and my partner of 10 years left for the parts store which was closing soon. My son ran into the house soon after yelling that Sokka -our year and 2 month old german shepherd, was dying. I ran outside and up the driveway to find my baby. We also live in the country and our driveway is 1.2km long. I knew he was in terrible shape and started immediately sobbing. My partner and my son began arguing horribly while I was trying to comfort my baby. I had a neighbor take me and Sokka to the 24hr animal emergency hospital in the city because I was furious at them as they continued to fight.

Sokka was in shock and was given a very poor prognosis so they gave him pain medication and waited for my decision. Same injuries as your beloved poodle. I had to make the very difficult decision to end his suffering as the vet told me that IF they could save him his quality of life would not be good and he would likely be in pain always and not able to walk/run. I laid on the floor of the hospital room with him, forehead touching his forehead, and held him as he received the lethal dose that would euthanize him. I softly spoke to him and kissed him as the life went out of him. I laid like that with him and sobbed until he was no longer warm.

I'm wondering if you were able to forgive your husband.. It's still very fresh for me but I can't imagine I will ever feel the same again. I have 3 older German shepherds and love each of them dearly. They all have their own very funny and quirky personalities, but Sokka was the snuggle bug. He came into my life as I was mourning my third miscarriage and  has just been my little (well he was massive now but still a puppy) super energized bundle of joy. I was almost hysterical when I left the hospital without him.

Like you, my husband is the only person who wouldn't slow down on the road (our driveway). He always said the dogs will move. That is true for the older dogs but I still didn't like it and told him a million times. Sokka is almost always at my side and when we leave he is put in the kennel with the other dogs(which is a huge enclosed area for them). My husband was in a rush and didn't put him away and this one time,  I was in the shower so he was not with me. I'm devastated, my son has moved out as they got really heated in their fighting, and I don't know what to do.. all in 24 hrs

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I am so sorry for your loss, I know it's the hardest thing in the world, no matter how it happens, but for something like this, even harder if possible.  Your husband may be angriest with himself, and unable to vocalize it in a productive way...hence the fighting.  I am so sorry for your son's leaving in these terms, but understand.  I pray for healing for your household and all concerned, I know the dog would not want this.

 

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