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lost mom and wife in the same month


jerrydcheney

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jerrydcheney

Five ye30ars ago i lost my mother on June 1st and 29 days later i lost my wife. I woke up at 5:30 am and found my wife on the living room floor hunched over. the image still haunts me today. I still have trouble sleeping and bouts of depression. I am married now but my relationship is falling apart because of me not dealing with the grief and the loss of my wife. I have kept it bottled up and now i am trying to get it out and deal with it.. But the pain is so intense  I have not talked to anyone about my pain and depression, i could not afford a therapist and i gave up..I hold on everyday and try and cope with the visions i have in my head of my wife laying there and i could  not help her...

My wife had a lot of health issues. She had a gastric stimulator   so she could processes food and a pic line in her left arm so nutrients could be given to her heart... after awhile she had them take them out... it became too much for her...she was my rock my best friend and i miss her very much.  

 

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In my area, hospice offers free grief counseling to everyone, whether they had someone in hospice or not. And there are grief support groups, too, you could check out. Your pain needs help getting channeled. 

Additionally, you can talk to your GP about your depression. A couple things I think they could do: request counseling through your insurance and/or prescribe an anti-depressant to initially help you start getting on the other side of this.

I had a couple particular visuals of my husband that felt like daggers piercing my heart. I allowed myself to fully give in to them over and over and let happen whatever was going to happen emotionally. I didn't talk to anyone, either. With time, I also allowed myself to fight those images. Then I had to deal with the guilt of not wanting them to have any power over me anymore, as if he'd want to be remembered like that, as if that's how I wanted to remember him. 

You had two huge losses, plus you watched your wife struggle with health issues beforehand. That's a lot. And now you find your marriage is in jeopardy. Please reach out to some professionals. 

Love and light....

 

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Jerry,

It's important to get some professional grief counseling, some charge on a sliding scale.  I agree with SLSD, call around to find out what is available.  This is your mental health and your marriage at stake!  There is no way to circumvent grieving.  On my other site they have a one year course available, also the admin is a grief counselor, I have gleaned so much from her over the years!  She has countless articles and information on grief.  Might be worth checking out...https://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/

I am very sorry for your losses.  That is a lot to deal with but worth addressing, it doesn't go away just because we ignore it, in fact it can snowball.  

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@jerrydcheney sounds like you have very complicated grief that perhaps you didn’t fully deal with. I’m not an expert but I can’t help but  feel compassion for the woman you married clearly you must’ve loved her as well and her you. Please  remember that she’s hurting too. Life your life n the present but find peace with the past. 

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