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Trying to find a purpose without Mom


piruete17

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Hi..

I lost my 71 year old mother in March 2020.  She was a breast cancer survivor.  Unfortunately it returned in the other breast a couple years ago.  Last year, after chemo treatments, the cancer metastasized to her liver.  She was on hormone treatments that lowered her immune system.  Mom ended up spending 2 1/2 weeks in the hospital fighting pneumonia and RSV.  My brother, Dad and I watched her take her last breath.  My mom was my world.  We were always together, as she helped me take care of my two daughters.  We spoke a million times a day.  In addition, my parents and I owned a preschool together (my parents had the school for 38 years).  My father and I decided to close the school (1. couldn't do it without mom 2. COVID ).  My mom was my best friend and I am now trying to find a purpose in life without her.  My brother has moved in with my dad (he's in his late 40, divorced with 3 kids).  I know neither one of them needs me like my mother did.  I am now out of a Full time job (I'm a part time dance teacher), I have a husband that doesn't really get it, and I have to fake happiness for my 11 and 14 year old daughters who greatly miss their grandmother. I am here for support and as a way to vent with people that DO get it.  I am beyond lonely without my beautiful mom!

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Dear piruete17,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is horribly hard to lose our beloved parents. They are our whole world and especially when we have the privilege to see them every day and have them so involved with grandchildren. The pain is unbearable. Please don't feel like you have to fake happiness. Everything you are thinking and feeling is normal and natural. I found the first year I was very raw. Please know are you not alone and many people feel as you do.

I found additional supports at this websites.

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

Grief Recovery Method

What's Your Grief.

There are also support groups on Facebook and through Zoom meetings.

Thinking of you.

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Nicole-my grief journey

All my empathy to you. I feel the same about my mother. Lots of love your way.

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I am so sorry to hear of your loss

I too was best friends with my mom who died suddenly of a stoke 5 months ago.

we spoke every day, she was my biggest supporter and I know she loved me and I her.

the part about your husband not getting it is so true for me too

losing mom and not having any support from him makes it even harder

I wanted to spend more time with mom and she died before I could stop working.

the guilt, anger and heartbreak some days is unbearable 

I am having a really hard time today

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Hello,

I just wanted to reach out because I also lost my mom to cancer in March and have felt completely ungrounded ever since. She was my rock and guiding force and I feel truly lost without her. 

I also get not having a supportive husband -- it's a lonely feeling. 

You're not alone. Sending you a hug and support in your grief because I share it. 

Dee 

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thank you dee

it is comforting to have others that feel the same. I know mom would want me to be happy and I try. I still cry so much though. The tears are right there always waiting to come out at the first feeling that arises. sending hugs and support to you too

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My mother passed away in June 2020 and I miss her.  I pray like all of you that God will touch that part of our heart that is broken.  That the Holy Spirit will help us to heal from missing them.  We are in this together.  Find a grief group such as Grief Share where you can talk to other about your pain, not being happy and grief.  It is really helping me.  Each day is different.  I have my highs and lows. 

Sending a virtual hug.  God said he will never leave us or forsake us.  I have found that to be true.

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Thank you everyone for your kind words.  My mom's birthday would be tomorrow...LOL don't even know how to phrase that (her birthday is tomorrow?  would have been tomorrow?).  I am sending prayers to everyone here going through the loss as well.  Sometimes I still get that automatic urge to text her.  I can't believe she left us so soon and that she is going to miss out on so much.  Her grandchildren were her world and she won't be able to see them graduate or get married or have children.  I still have anger...how could she give up and leave us?  But ultimately I know she was tired of fighting.  She had given up.  Love to you all!!

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Hey Piruete,

Im sorry to hear this. It's really sad she had to pass away. It sounded like it was her time to go though. Not the time of everyone else around her, but for her.. maybe it was.

Now you are dealing with this and combining it with being a wife and a mother is very difficult. you want to stay strong and thats so understandable and guess what you have to be too and you can be. But, remember to take care of yourself first before you can take care of others. Your needs are the most important. If you keep them stuck-up they will come out in a unexpected emotional way hitting your children perhaps or your dead husband. 

It sounds like your mom was a driving force for the schoolbusiness. Your guidance! If such a person falls away its only natural to question.. What do i do now?!. I hope you can find ways to deal with this as the importance is of a magnificant scale. If you can find a way im happy to have a small chat see if it helps! Take care :)

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it has been 6 months and 2 1/2 weeks since she died. I am so mad and sad today. she had so much life in her! she squeezed my hand while she was bleeding into her brain

I am so fucking sad

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I'm so sorry for your loss. I can relate to you. I lost my mom 5 weeks ago. My mom was my best friend as well. I also took care of her while she was sick and now it kind of feels weird because I don't have her to take care of. I'm a mess since she passed. I've lost my desire to do a lot of things and I cry all the time. Stay strong. 

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thank you for reaching out

It does get a little better with time

my mom died suddenly so I had the shock to deal with too and it took me a month before I could even speak without sobbing. it took 3 months till I could listen to music again.

now it has been 6 months and 3 weeks. I still cry every day and my tears are always right there waiting to come out in a heartbeat but I have longer periods where I am not crying and starting to feel better about myself.

I am sorry for your loss....all of this takes time to heal but for me and you, the hole can never be replaced since our moms were our best friends.

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