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ArtThebes

It has been 151 days. 
I eat when I can. But it is only ever a steak or a pork chop on the grill; I cannot remember the last time I had side dishes. I have used the same plate, fork and knife since I first started making myself eat again. 
I do not really sleep anymore. I never have slept much, I consider it a waste of time, and I have been that way, for the last 43 years. I should be sleeping now, but it’s after 4am, and I dozed off in front of my laptop around midnight, and I looked at the clock when I awoke; it said quarter to two am. Good enough, for a few more days, I suppose. 
I cry at the littlest things. It was just Father’s Day, and someone gave me a nice bit and tool set for my Dewalt Drill and impact set. Those tools are gone now too. I felt poorly about how I reacted, and I think I was able to convince them that their heart and “the thought that counts” was in the right place; but I know they had purchased it, at least 152 or more days ago, because I still had my tools then. 
I spend hours a day, at least four or more in a row, just staring blankly at nothing, until my watch buzzes, and I take my next dose of Valium and Adderall. 
I just took them, so I should hopefully be able to think and concentrate for the next few hours; or failing that, until I finish this letter. 

Let me back up:

It had been exceedingly difficult the past few years and it was New Year’s Eve. My wife tried to clink glasses with me, and she saw my face; it was full of worry, foreboding and silent tears were dripping down my cheeks. 
“What’s wrong?” She asked. 
I said that while I had loved her, since long before we had “met” (same friends, but we never  hung out or talked, until one day, a little more than 20 years ago, and we had been best friends and madly in love, ever since.), and that I would love her, until long after the sun had burnt out and time itself ground to a halt, that we had done this tradition every year. However, since she had been diagnosed with cancer in 03, we clink glasses on New Years and say “THIS year will be better. I KNOW it will”, and every year had gotten more difficult: loss of jobs and income, our autistic 17yr old son had been exhibited signs of schizophrenia, the last of my family (except my wife and our three children) had passed away, a jealous neighbor had started a rumor that ruined my wife’s reputation,  and literally ALL of my friends had moved out of state or the country. 
I told her that I felt like our tradition had become bad luck. 
“it’s not like it can get any worse!” She said with a smile, that little giggle that sounded like bells; she kissed me at midnight, we clinked our glasses and said “THIS was the year things were going to be better”

It was not and it will not.

I am NOT going into specifics, because I am posting this anonymously, and the devil is in the details, and they may reveal my identity and aspects of our life that are private  I am ONLY doing this, because my last and ONLY friend, who lives more than a thousand miles away, said that I had to, no, NEEDED to tell someone, anyone; just “write it down, and someone will read it. You may not have peace from it, but maybe, just MAYBE, someone else won’t feel so alone in the world”. So here I am. 

it was just a couple weeks later. I had a long holiday season at work. I remember that I was hungry and exhausted. My wife told me that she had put a steak in some marinade, there was potatoes in the oven, and some veggies left on the stove. The kids had gone to bed. I could still hear the girls whispering and giggling in their room; as I slipped my loafers off, loosened my tie, and put my slippers on, I hollered through the closed door, that I loved them, but it’s late, there’s school tomorrow, and it was time to go to sleep. 
My son was snoring as I passed his room; I put my hand on his door and I heard a muffled “love you dad”; I softly replied that I loved him too, and heard the familiar creek of his bed, as he rolled over and went back to sleep. 

I remember sitting down on the couch. My wife was doing her usual “multitasking” of crocheting a blanket for one of our daughter’s friends, watching the tv, and somehow was on her phone, commenting in one of her cancer survivors’ rooms. She also had ADHD; not as bad as mine (or so she used to taunt me, because she only had to take two 30mg pills a day, vs the fact that I cannot function with less than four. (I worked in high pressure liquor sales at the time)). I sat down, and she looked at me over glasses, with that special smile she reserved for just me, and said “baby, go grill your steak. Eat something and we can go to bed”. 

How I wish I had done just that. 

I told her that it was almost midnight, I had worked a 14hr day, we were all set with a huge order and were set to make a lot of money from it; I had even secured an entire case of her favorite wine, in the deal. However, I was feeling beat to a pulp, and I just needed to sit for a minute. She squeezed my hand, smiled again and went back to her ever rotating conglomeration of thread, needles (“hooks” she would always correct me), phone, tablet, and remote for the television. 

I smiled back at her, said “I love you” and closed my eyes... just for a second, or so I thought. 

I remember being confused at all the flashing lights and thinking “weird, it’s not Christmas”. And then I noticed all the ambulances, police officers and strangely, the scent of falling snow. I was lying down, and there were worried faces, people in uniform scurrying about, and this pretty blonde lady that in my mind, will always be the local pool lifeguard as a recently graduated high school teen; I no longer remember her name. She was alternately checking me, telling me “everything is going to be ok, that I was safe and VERY lucky”, and constantly yelling at a very overweight and gruff policeman. Apparently, he was repeatedly asking me questions; although, I had no idea he was talking to me, or rather at me, and he didn’t seem to be actually interested in what, or if I had anything to say; he just kept writing and talking. 
Our local pool lifeguard was taking my blood pressure again, and I closed my eyes. 

I think it was a full day or two later, when I finally awoke. That was the last time I actually “slept”. 
I think there was a nurse, as she was wearing scrubs, the same police officer, someone who was clearly his boss, as he had more stripes and a more “official” looking uniform, and some other people were there; officials of some sort, but I cannot remember whom or from where or why, exactly they were there, or the questions they asked. All I remember is this:

My wife was dead. My son was dead. My 12yr old daughter was dead. My 16yr old daughter had been “finally found”; she must have gone upstairs to rescue our three dogs, as she was discovered next to their kennels. The house was gone, and under no circumstances, was I to go back there, until the investigation was concluded. 

Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING inside of me suddenly broke, and it will NEVER be fixed, put right, or come back together again. 

I will never see the love of my life again. 
I will never see my son again. 
I will never see my daughters again. 
I will never feel the warmth of my dogs again. 
I will never have my home, my wife, my children or ANYTHING that I knew; anything that truly mattered, anything that made me special or feel joy, happiness or loved, EVER AGAIN. 

I have nothing. I am nothing. I am a little more than a shadow; a walking, living shade of the man I once was. 
I do not have a home. I do not even use that word anymore. 
I do not have hope. 
I do not have joy. 
I cannot eat. My watch “yells” at me that I am only eating about 600cal every few days, and that I am only sleeping about 8-10hrs a week, and that it’s all deep sleep; no REM, no “healthy” light sleep, no movement, and it asks if I have had any dreams. I have not dreamt in 151 days. 
I do not have a job. 
I do not have more than a couple hundred dollars left to my name. 
I do not have ANYTHING. 

I have nothing and I am nothing. Everything and everyone that made me something is now gone... forever. 

I do not have any family. I have ONE friend; I cannot bear how people look at me, so I do not, EVER, go back to my old community. I CANNOT go back. I am not ALLOWED to go to what used to be my home, my life, or my precious family. I will never see my little girl’s smile again. I will never have to complain about her sister “always being on her phone” again. I will never get to build a model rocket with my son again. I will never have the perfect, most blissful sensation of climbing into bed; even though I rarely slept before, I’ll never feel the warmth of my wife’s skin on mine, wrap my arm around her, have her sleepily fumble for my hand, squeeze it, wriggle as close as she can and mumble “I love you”, while I kiss her neck and shoulders and whisper in her ear, “I love you too princess; sweet dreams”, and just enjoy lying there, listening to her breathing, and the quiet peace of my home; snoring dogs, girls that should have been sleeping hours ago, and the sweet little humming sound my son made, while he slept. 

It was Father’s Day, this past weekend. Next week is my birthday. I will NEVER celebrate another holiday again.

It has been 151 days, and while I am able to accept my situation and my circumstances, I will never reach a point of hope again. I have suffered much grief in my life; not as much as some, but certainly more than most.

I no longer have a soul. 
I no longer have any hope. 
I no longer have any joy. 
I no longer have a home or a family. 

i am nothing now. everything that ever mattered, has been torn away, taken from me, and left me forever and irreparably broken. 

i am nothing

 

 

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KayC

I don't think I've ever read a harder post.  You lost EVERYONE???  At once???  I am so sorry!  I can't imagine...

I want to invite you to come here and post or read any time...this is one place that "gets" the emotions and feelings we go through with the greatest loss of our lives.  I can't claim to understand what it's like to be hit with so many at once because mine were one at a time.But I care and I'm listening.

And while this article may seem trite in comparison to your great loss, I hope something in it helps you...in my case it was taking one day at a time...I can't think about 40 years looming ahead, but I can do today...just today...then I get up and do it all over.  Just breathing can be a feat sometimes.  

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255
  • Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

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ArtThebes

thank you. I appreciate and am glad for your kindness. 

I tried to read what you had wrote... but of course, the page started at the top and I had to see what few details that I decided to post, over and over again.

I got lost. I'm sorry.

give me a day or two, and I'll read your post again and try my best to follow any advice, instructions, or whatever it is that will make this living hell stop, go away, or... well, just not matter anymore; much in the way that I do not matter anymore.

feel free to message me. I honestly didn't expect to come back on; however, I received a notification that said my attention was needed.

as I no longer have anyone to socialize with, such as "friends", people I worked with, people that I've known for years and decades, my family... I don't know anyone anymore.

It's not yet day 152 @ 2100hrs, and it's only "noon" for me. talk if you want, or pull and tug if you must... I'll do what I can, when I can.

again, my thanks.

 

Art

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Missy1

Your story shook me to the core, so much loss.  I cried  as I read, such a painful  phenomenon, multiple losses must be overwhelming. I don’t even know how one begins to process this, I am so sorry!  I have read that our brains kick into to some mode, shock and extreme trauma, overload! The reality I that we need to grieve every loss, specific to person we we lose. This is emotionally and physically exhausting. People here say keeping a journal helps. My heart goes out to you, suffering from survivors    guilt is complicated and depressing. It’s impossible to understand, please know you are not alone. Please keep coming back and read some threads, post when you need to vent. 

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ArtThebes

thank you. i will try. it's 4.5hrs away from 152 days... i just found a bunch of shared files. and even tho i made the mistakes i made, things i forgot, things missed, things argued about... i just found those letters that were never meaning to be sent; just wirtten.

 

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jwahlquist

@ArtThebes

Thank you for sharing your story.  I know that probably wasn’t easy to write.   There are no words that can express how awful I feel for you.  Saying I am sorry for your loss seems insignificant.  So much loss at once would have likely made me give up.  I lost my husband almost 5 months ago and if it weren’t for my daughter I would have given up.  I am on antidepressants, medication to help me sleep and have been working with a therapist and I am still a mess some days.  
 

Please come back to chat and check in.   I think you will find that there are people here that can and will “talk” with you.  
 

 

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ArtThebes

I've had a few beers. no, I'm not drunk. I'd like to be. I'd like to be anything but here right now. day 152 begins anytime now...

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KayC

Art, none of  can begin to imagine what it must be like to lose your whole family but I think most of us would wish it had been us instead as going on seems way too daunting.  This will necessitate professional counseling, which I hope you're getting or going to get as just navigating loss of spouse is hard enough.

I'm sure I'd want to drink too and I don't even drink!  But keep in mind alcohol is a depressant, not what you need more of right now.  Keep coming here, keep expressing your pain, it helps not to bottle it up.

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foreverhis

Art, You have suffered an unimaginable loss.  There are hardly words that can express my sorrow for you and your family.

I just want to tell you that you can talk about whatever you want here.  You can relay as much or as little as is comfortable for you.  We do not judge each other.  This truly is a support group.  We may express our concern if one of our members seems about to walk off a cliff, so to speak.  What we will not do is tell you how you should think, feel, or act.  And we will always listen.

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Missy1

@ArtThebes I have started drinking wine every night, I am not getting drunk either, it helps numb the pain. I don’t see anything wrong with it. Whatever helps you cope, of course it’s only my perspective. 
No one had a perfect marriage, those files you never sent are okay. All couples bicker now and then, it’s heathy if done in the right way. 
Now that my sweet pea is gone I see things so clearly, sometimes I feel I was so adequate.
You might be stuck in a place you can’t navigate out of at the present time. We cannot let the grief consume us, I struggle with this to. You were a good Husband, good Father,   

 

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Gpsybld

I am so very sorry for your losses.  I cant imagine the grief you are dealing with.  Just know that you are not alone in this world, though it may seem empty now.  

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ArtThebes
Quote

@Missy1 I have started drinking wine every night, I am not getting drunk either, it helps numb the pain. I don’t see anything wrong with it. Whatever helps you cope, of course it’s only my perspective. 
No one had a perfect marriage, those files you never sent are okay. All couples bicker now and then, it’s heathy if done in the right way. 
Now that my sweet pea is gone I see things so clearly, sometimes I feel I was so adequate.
You might be stuck in a place you can’t navigate out of at the present time. We cannot let the grief consume us, I struggle with this to. You were a good Husband, good Father,   

i hope so... all i have is pain and regret. 

i saw an old friend of my wifes online, about an hour or so ago... all we did was argue. and i feel awful, because all i can see is MY PAIN... 

i am SO SORRY, to any and all that i've ever hurt. i'd apologize for the big things... but really, i'm sorry i didn't grab a cup of coffee, when you asked. i'm sorry i forgot your birthday. i'm sorry that i lived in a world that a "smartphone" had to tell me your phone number, email, address and special dates. please forgive me... i am so sorry.

i want to say that i love you all... but i don't even know if i understand what love is anymore. what it feels like.i read your stories. i read your comments. i cry and i cry and i cry and i cry and i cry... i cried so long and hard the other day... i guess this would be somehow humorous... but i literally couldn't physically cry anymore... i had just ... snot? eye "boogers"? i dunno... but thats all that came out, after sobbing.

than you for being her for me.

i am so sorry that i cannot find a place to be, and truly be with all of you. 

i guess i'm still playing the "who had the sh1++iest day" and it was me... and i actually just made yours worse.

i am so sorry. 

all i know is anger, pain, loss... i am less than nothing. 

i feel like i'm even letting all of you down

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foreverhis
20 hours ago, ArtThebes said:

i guess i'm still playing the "who had the sh1++iest day" and it was me... and i actually just made yours worse.

No, you need to understand that you did not make our days worse.  Our days cannot really be made worse that way because our own grief is, well, our own and nothing can override that. 

Here's the thing about playing "whose loss is worst":  The worst loss will always be our own because it happened to us.  There's no competition because each is unique, each is truly the worst when we're living with it.  I completely understand why you feel--and know--that your loss is the worst.  For you, it will always be.

Now, it's true that most, if not all, of us have not had that many deep losses all at once.  That makes our hearts hurt for you, but does not make us feel it's a competition. 

We want you to talk about whatever your are feeling.  We want you to tell us what you can, when you can, and as you are able.  We do not want you to give us any details or information unless it's right for you.

It's concerning that you believe you are less than nothing, though most of us understand that feeling all too well.  You have lost so much that it's natural you'd feel that way now.  But you are not nothing and your life is not nothing.  From what you've described, you are not to blame.  Falling asleep after a long, tiring day is not a fault; it's a normal response.  Yet, we also know that guilt that comes with being the one left behind.  The only one we can blame is ourselves because we're here and alive, and the ones we love most in the world are not.  Please, try to start thinking about the fact that you are human and imperfect, but that does not make you at fault and it does not make you nothing.  And keep coming here to talk about it, no matter what.

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KayC

Amen to foreverhis' response.  Please keep talking here, it really does help to get it out.  Don't worry about us, just do YOU, that's enough.  No need to apologize.  We are all sorry that someone else has to to through this.

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jwahlquist
3 hours ago, foreverhis said:

Now, it's true that most, if not all, of us have not had that many deep losses all at once.  That makes our hearts hurt for you, but does not make us feel it's a competition.

This, absolutely this!   It is not a competition or even a comparison.......more that I wanted to acknowledge that you lost so much.......I hurt for you.  Nothing you have “said” has made me feel worse.  I hope that you continue to come here and “talk”.  I know that you may feel like nothing right now but you aren’t.  You are someone.  
((HUGS))

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Missy1

@ArtThebes I learned this....I never understood why some cultures have a wailing. I never even cried much except at sad movies, I find myself wailing on the floor, yes, in a puddle of snot. The pain in our  soul from the loss is so overwhelming our language fails to express how one feels. I walk around talking to myself and to my husband and saying “I miss you so much” seems so inadequate to describe my feelings. My guts have been torn out, I don’t want to live without my heart and soul either. Your loss is so traumatic, let yourself grief...but don’t go down the black hole. 

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ArtThebes

@Missy1, @jwahlquist, @KayC, @foreverhis

thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. i was in a REALLY bad place last night. today is my birthday. fathers day and birthday, all within a week...

i am SO LOST. at least with all of you, i am .... yes, alone... but somehow, LESS alone; if that makes sense.

and sorry, i was crying so hard (how my laptop is still alive is a wonder), but i made my wife's friend (ours really) day SO MUCH WORSE. it's difficult to remember that they are grieving too.

 

and can i just say, if i hear ONE MORE PERSON ask me "are you ok?" i might just lose it. because the answer is NO, i am NOT OK. i was crying so hard at a restaurant the other day, that literally every staff member came to ask me that question. thank god i was the only person in the place... i only go out after 10p now, shop onlie and avoid people and crowds like the plague... the irony of COVID is not lost on me either.

also, i can't get the "quote" thing to work... it pops up behind a "technical question" sticky button, that covers up whatever my next option is.

sorry, i'm 51 today, and dispite my experiences, i am completely tech-tarded right now

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Missy1

I totally understand that I have these people who check in with me “are you OK” ?

 Helllll nooo, I freaking want to kill myself, my life is ****! I also have to remember that SOME of these people who are contacting us and asking us if we’re OK really care. There’s also a faction of people who check in with me who just want to watch the train wreck they wanna know if I’m gonna make it. They are gawking at my horror, they want to be the first to report the news if we fail!  You will find that you will see the difference and weed out the gawkers.

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Missy1

If you NEED to talk or vent, although I am broken I can understand, I am a good listener. Please know, we all have so much grief and we are devastated in our way, we welcome the damaged and the broken. We reach out and let others know that they are not alone, it helps so much. Keep posting...we are real, we are here.

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jwahlquist
2 hours ago, ArtThebes said:

can i just say, if i hear ONE MORE PERSON ask me "are you ok?" i might just lose it. because the answer is NO, i am NOT OK.

I usually reply with “I’m alive, that’s all I’ve got for now”. That usually stops most people from asking further questions.  

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SLSD

Guilt is so much a part of this human existence. It sneaks in, warranted or not. The guilt you're feeling is not warranted. It's natural, that's all.

Those who are terminal usually have the same guilt. They are sorry for things they did or didn't do, things they said or didn't say. 

We all seem hard-wired for guilt.

About the things you "want" to do and say now...all part of it, too. You could discriminately act upon some of those, if so inclined. (I did, and it helped, but here's the thing, at least for me: while it helped, it only sustained itself for a couple years--and I suspect people knew I was doing these things from a place of grief, although my actions were genuine. In the end, it helped, and some of it carried over, made me more mindful on little but important matters. It was worth it, I thought.)

Just like we feel we can never truly repay a huge kindness, we can never truly avoid having guilt when a loved one has transitioned. 

Your loved ones are with you, checking in on you, and don't want you to have this pain but know it's part of your journey. It's important to feel the pain, and your journey is to discover the path that will lead you to the other side in a way that makes you stronger. Life will never be the same, a despicable reality that must be accepted, but your loved ones are okay with that. They want you to get your life back, whenever that is and whatever form it shall take. But they want you to start healing.

I fear this question will sound rude or insensitive but please know that it comes from a place of love, compassion, and understanding: At this point in time, do you WANT to begin the journey of healing, of moving on to the other side of your grief and guilt?

Love and light.... 

 

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KayC
11 hours ago, ArtThebes said:

i can't get the "quote" thing to work... it pops up behind a "technical question" sticky button, that covers up whatever my next option is.

I haven't seen this before but sometimes when I select a sentence the "quote" doesn't pop up, I try again, nothing.  Usually the "Quote" at the bottom of someone's post will work so I'll use that and delete the part I didn't want to quote.  It's a technical issue and not you.  

I didn't realize it was your birthday...I remember my first birthday without George, he always made a huge deal of my birthday but after I lost him not once person said Happy Birthday or remembered, not my mom, kids, sisters, friends, NO ONE!  The contrast between how I don't mean anything to anyone else but I meant the world to him hit me hard, I cried myself to sleep.  Those days can be really hard.  And of course those people do care about me, I'm just not their world.  To George, the sun rose and set in me.  We've all lost that person.  That's hard to get used to.

I don't think we move on to the other side of our grief, but I have learned to coexist with it...it will be with me until the day I die...there is no point at which we are over our grief or stop missing them.

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SLSD

When I talk about moving on to the other side of grief, I'm talking about the difference between sheer agony and reaching that point where you are able to live your new-normal with acceptance and function (other side of grief).

When a friend's healthy husband unexpectedly died after 50 years of marriage, she tried a support group. Her first visit, a woman was there who was in the same pain she had been in five years earlier when her husband had died. My friend decided that wasn't the group for her. She didn't want to be in that agonizing place that poor woman was in five years. She wanted to work toward getting beyond it. It's been three years for her, just like me, and she (we) still grieve, but it isn't like it was those first couple of years. Still, it's there. Just a different place of being. 

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foreverhis
13 hours ago, jwahlquist said:

I usually reply with “I’m alive, that’s all I’ve got for now”.

Mine is similar.  "Well, I'm alive, so I guess that's something."  It does usually make anyone who is asking out of social convention kind of think and then be quiet.

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KayC
On 7/1/2020 at 7:42 AM, SLSD said:

My friend decided that wasn't the group for her.

I lead a grief support group and I have material we go through every week and have seen much progression with them.  We've also developed close bonds of friendship and can call & talk to each other or just get together.  I miss it during this pandemic.  I find each grief support group differs according to how the leader handles/directs it, should be able to keep people on track and not let one person monopolize, yet let people know their feelings are normal.  It should be support, as is the name!

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