Members eni22 Posted June 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2020 First of all, english is not my first language, but I need a place where I can vent, where I can write something. I am sorry about grammar mistakes. My cat died yesterday. He walked to me and die in front of me. It happened all of the sudden and kinda out of nowhere. He was obese and had some gastric issues but nothing extremely serious. My brain is just replaying over and over his last seconds and it's killing me. I cannot think about anything nice about him right now, I just think about his last moments on earth and I question myself if I was even able to give him some comfort while it was happening. I was confused, I didn't understand what was happening until it was too late. My cat was with me for 12 years. I got him in Italy, but then we moved to the US where we lived in many different states. Since a couple of years we were back in Italy and I guess he died where he was born. I feel guilty, which I know it's a normal feeling but it's devastating. For the past week and a half he was pooping outside the box. He did in the past because he was mad about something so I really didn't worry too much. He looked normal other than that. He was probably telling me something and I simply ignored him, actually I got mad at him a couple of times for this. I feel empty, like I've never been in my life. I don't care why he died (vet said most likely a stroke), I am just so sad he probably suffered a lot in those last seconds and I feel so responsable for it. I have another cat, he was there with him as well. He was the first one who probably understood what was happening. I am so worried for him as well now and I feel he is going to die as well and the thought is terrifying. I miss him. He was an asshole, not really a sweet cat but he was my asshole. bye baby, I cannot even write his name now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted June 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2020 So sorry for your loss. I know it's not of much comfort but it was clearly his time. I try to look for the good things. At least he was home and safe with you when he went. That does not change how awful and painful it is to lose him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 25, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted June 25, 2020 I am sorry for your loss. I lost my 25 year old Kitty in January...she'd had a very hard life before she came to me, I first knew her at ten and she came to live with me permanently at 12. I never dreamed she'd live so long but after a while I just thought she'd live forever. I was wrong. She first showed signs of being sick on Christmas, but seemed better then worse, I had her put to sleep Jan. 6, her kidneys and liver shut down, I suspected the kidneys, she was peeing more, holing up under a chair all day but I thought that was because I'd gotten a puppy Dec. 10 although he never bothered her. Not much you could have done to protect him from the stroke, being overweight likely contributed, my Kitty lost half her body weight, thyroid, treatable but not the liver & kidneys. Too late. Kitty was very demanding and bossy but I loved her and had an understanding of her and who she was and how she got there. Feel free to vent, it does help to express ourselves in our grief and know we are heard and understood. Not all our friends/family gets it sometimes because they aren't all animal lovers and may not have experienced anything like it. Guilt is a common/normal grief feeling, we are looking for a different possible outcome and berate ourselves for not doing this or that, we think of all of the whatifs but we only have what happened. I hope you'll read these, repeat if necessary for it to seep in. http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf https://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members eni22 Posted June 25, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2020 Thank you very much for your replys. I really don't have a reason why I came here but reading your words helps a bit and it is nice. I am out of my comfort zone because I am a guy who lost close relatives in the past few years and really not felt super sad. Being like this, now, for my cat makes me feel weird especially around my family and I don't know how to deal with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted June 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2020 Yeah many of us feel the same! It's okay. And it's good you come to a place where others feel the same. It's okay and normal to be deeply sad for the loss of you cat. Me and my husband both were totally devastated. Our cat was like our child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 26, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted June 26, 2020 It is OKAY to feel grief when you've had a loss like this! Our pets are some of our hardest losses because they were part of our everyday existence. And grief is not just for females, men feel loss too and sometimes don't know how to express it and feel it's alien to them so are not comfortable crying, etc...but know you are not alone and other guys feel it too. I've had some great responses from men on my loss/posts. https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/09/is-pet-loss-comparable-to-loss-of-loved.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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