Members MuttMom62 Posted June 23, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 23, 2020 I don't want to breathe anymore, I hurt so bad like my insides are rotten. It just happened and I'm sick to my stomach without him. Older dachshund, he was the best part of every day. I honestly don't think I can do this. I cannot picture my life without him it's a despair so deep it makes me dizzy and sick. I never knew I could cry so long and so hard my guts hurt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 24, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted June 24, 2020 I know the pain. I will tell you this, the intensity will lessen in time, but there's no way to avoid the grief/pain but straight through it...that means let yourself cry the tears and mourn. It can take quite some time to where you don't wake up or come home expecting to see him. The rituals we went through every day are ingrained in us like the groove in a record. I lost my husband `15 years ago and it was the same...losing my Arlie last August was the hardest thing I've been through since. Harder than losing my parents, sister, friends, other pets. Harder than going through the recession and losing my job three times. Harder by far than going through surgery all alone with no one even checking on me. Arlie was my best friend, my companion, and dogs are the best! I hope you find comfort in this video, it brought me hope and something to look forward to...I'm nearly 68, I don't know how many years I have left, in my family they live well into their 90s, but I do bank on being with Arlie again! I wish you only comfort and peace, it may take a long while but we'll get there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MuttMom62 Posted June 24, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted June 24, 2020 I wish I believed this, in an afterlife, a god, I truly wish I did as that could make so much difference but I just don't, and try as I might I can't pretend to believe. I know I feel like I am dying inside and I don't see a future but I have two other precious rescue pups that need me. I have cried painful tears till I'm exhausted but still manage to cry more, not eat, I just don't really care. Writing here is all I've done and even reading my post title makes me sick to my stomach...to see his sweet name and I cry till I'm sick. I do thank you for taking the time to reply, I can only faintly hope that this will lessen but I don't see how. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 24, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted June 24, 2020 A lot of people aren't religious but still believe in something beyond this. I tell people to look at videos of the galaxies beyond to expand your open-mindedness into thinking just perhaps...that's all it takes really to hold out hope that just maybe we'll be with them again. They are energy and it doesn't die, just changes form. Too many accounts from too many people to for me to not think there's something to it. It's a choice, really, we believe in things all the time we can't explain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted June 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2020 I am so sorry for your loss. I remember feeling sick too. Not eating. Not sleeping well. Being in tears all the time. The world was a very very dark place. It does not seem possible that it can get better. (In fact, for a while I did not want it to and I really did not care.) It will not always be like this. I promise. But it is very painful obviously. Nothing prepares you for the loss. Try to take care of yourself. Keep going. Moment by moment. You did come to the right place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MuttMom62 Posted June 25, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2020 thank you for reaching out, the crying is insane and I agree about not even wanting to feel better because what difference does it make, it is all so dark I hate it. I need to get a mammo soon, time for some other screening tests but I'm not even caring. And we know this is going to happen, they won't live forever, so why does it feel like such a ridiculous shocking event that has me balling my eyes out for days. I can't see how on earth I will ever feel better, I know that I will though, this isn't the first time I've lost precious souls but this does feel like I am dying inside. Thanks for listening Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 26, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted June 26, 2020 22 hours ago, MuttMom62 said: And we know this is going to happen, they won't live forever, so why does it feel like such a ridiculous shocking event that has me balling my eyes out for days. I can't see how on earth I will ever feel better, I know that I will though, this isn't the first time I've lost precious souls but this does feel like I am dying inside. It is a huge adjustment and shock to our system, even if we know it's going to happen! My Arlie was diagnosed with cancer 2 months 10 days before I had him put to sleep, yet I still was not prepared to lose him, he was MY LIFE! How do you adjust to something like that? Watching him go downhill...that was the hardest thing I've ever done, but it wasn't my first time, my sweet MIL was my best friend and the mom I'd always wanted, I took care of her when she was bedridden with cancer for three years. I wanted her to go as she was suffering so badly but when that end hits, it hits with such finality, you know you won't be able to talk to them anymore...it was 33 years ago come September and yet I will never forget that time...it was hard but also special, even as my end times with Arlie were. Arlie was the hardest pet I've ever lost and I've had 24 dogs and cats in my lifetime. I was closest to him, he was my heart dog, my soulmate in a dog, will always be my perfect dog and I will never forget his beautiful smile, his perky ears, his goofy personality, and fun-loving spirit, he was God's greatest treasure for me. How can we NOT grieve them wholeheartedly! Yes the intensity of pain wears off a bit in time but it's taking it's sweet time with me, it's been over ten months and I still feel the anguish of missing him, I always will. There is nothing like the pangs of grief. No physical pain on that level. That said, please schedule your mammogram! A close friend of mine died of cancer within two weeks of diagnosis...not a good way to go, do everything within your power to catch things early and avoid it at all cost. It cost my Arlie his life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted June 26, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 26, 2020 I literally never cried more in my entire (adult) life for sure. It doesn't even seem humanly possible! I felt like I was going crazy with grief. I was a zombie for several weeks and I came in here and vented about it all. How unfair it was. How angry I was. How I'd lost all my joy. All of it. Just keep getting it out. It takes time. And yes, get your screening, take care of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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