Members Annie Powell Posted June 22, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 22, 2020 I want to scream! I want to cry! I want my mom or dad! But I can’t have either. I’m 36. My kids are small. I’m happily married. My husband has only lost his great grandma who was 99. I haven’t had a chance to breathe. I also lost 2 aunts, a dear friend and my first dog all within a year. I am just waiting for the next person to die. I’m waiting to be hit with the next loss. I pretend I’m ok until I snap. My poor husband and children get the brunt end of my crying and anger. I want to push them away because I’m afraid to lose them. That sounds so stupid. I’m trying to be everything to everyone as I always am... and I can’t! I literally can’t! I feel like Covid delayed my grieving... I’m an only child. Why do people who treat their parents bad get to have them... but I don’t! I’m jealous. I’m sad. I’m scared. I’m so broken. I can’t find my center again. I don’t want to hear they are with me... they are watching over me... they are proud. I’m a strong Christian and it’s not that I don’t believe that... it’s just not enough. Why! Seriously why! Who is going to be next. I’m a good person and I take care of people. Why am I being punished! If you are still reading this thank you for letting me vent. I just want to vent. And cry and scream but I can’t... so I appreciate you for allowing me to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted June 22, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 22, 2020 Dear Annie, I'm so sorry for all your losses and hear where you are coming from. The world feels horribly unfair and with so many losses in a short time it takes its toll on a person. We can't help but ask why me? Why now? What did I do to deserve this? And you are so right the pandemic has denied so many the ability to mourn properly for their loved ones. Having a proper funeral and being surrounded by friends and family is so critical during this sad time. I think we all feel as you do when faced with so much loss this lack of control. And this sense that bad news is just around the corner. I think these feelings are normal and part of the grieving process. It's very raw time. Please know we are with you and you can vent to us as much as needed. Even with the pandemic there are still a lot of supports online. I also found additional supports at these website. Grief in Common Grief Healing Blog What's Your Grief. I hope they will give you some comfort and help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tessa Posted June 22, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 22, 2020 Hi Annie, I wanted to tell you that I listened. I read everything you wrote. I hear you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ram Posted June 23, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 23, 2020 I hear you. I feel this way all the time and it has been 7 years. Its not fair, its not right, and its OK to feel whatever it is you feel. I just joined, so I don't know if you can private message, but I'd be happy to vent with you if you ever need it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mark Coz Posted June 26, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 26, 2020 Hey Annie, wanted to let you know i listened also! I can relate with the feeling. When i was 24 I lost my mother, when i was 27 I lost my father (now im 29). I got bullied hard in school growing up. I am happily married now and have a son of 2 years. I can relate to you! Im so sorry you had to experience this. I sent you a dm, with maybe some advice. Feel free to ignore me. I wish you all the best! Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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