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Loss of beloved pet, child, partner of 20 yrs within 4 mos

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How can I continue to pretend I’m ok so that well-meaning family and friends won’t worry about me?  Better yet, how can I continue on with my life when everything that made me happy and I held so close to my heart is gone?  I just want to be numb....but I don’t want to dishonor the most precious gifts given to me and then taken away....It’s been 6 months of continued hell.

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You have suffered unimaginable loss. My heart hurts for you. 

Don't pretend. You don't have to wear your emotions and grief in public, but you can't stifle the process. Like any other stressful event, if you do, it just rolls out later, harder, and out of nowhere. Feel what you are going to feel when you feel it. Let it go. It's part of the process, which we really can't hurry and can't bury.

And most people in your situation will have friends and family who will KNOW it is taking its toll--because it would simply have to. I do understand, however, not wanting anyone to worry about you. I was the same way. I opted not to, but there are options for channeling your pain to get through moments and through those horrendous waves of agony without involving your family or friends, and in fact, it might make them worry less. Things like grief support groups or activities centered around grief and healing (a friend took grief yoga when she lost her husband and only child (suicide) within three months of each other, and said it helped). There might even be support groups specifically formed for people who have had multiple losses together, online or in person.

You seem incredibly strong. I am strong. But in situations like this, we need to show our vulnerability, at least to ourselves. It's only been six months. But you've gotten through it, raw as it is. I can't tell you how to grieve, what will make it feel better...I haven't had to endure your type of loss. I just know it isn't easy, you aren't altogether alone, and pain is inevitable.

Do you think it might help if you reach out here more often and get other support with which you feel comfortable? 

I don't know if it will help or not, but the friend mentioned above still hurts but found herself able to move beyond the horror within a couple years, with work. She takes day trips, is otherwise active, and even (gulp) has slowly accepted a new relationship. 

Love and light....


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