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I love my Basset Hound

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I love my Basset Hound

First post of anything. I’m a newbie and don’t know where to turn. My apologies if I wrote too long. 

May 22nd 2020 My baby Honey Girl passed away. It was the day I dreaded from day 1 of having her. I fell in love with her the moment I seen her. She was only 2 months old. I’m blessed to have her for 12 1/2 yrs and during this Pandemic I loved being with her every minute, hour and second every single day for the passed 2 months. I know she was getting old and I won’t be able to be with her forever but it’s the guilt that kills me. The guilt of not being there when she passed and I promised her I would. You see, I trusted the doctors who had her on meds but deep in my heart I knew it wouldn’t work. She spent a day in the hospital and doctor said he wants to observe her 1 more night which I asked if I can bring her home and I’ll watch her and he said it’s best for her to stay there because she is improving. Deep in my heart I know it would be a miracle but I trusted the vet and I don’t know any better but she passed around 3am. Before all of that she had too many complications for me to explain here and overall I knew in my heart I should’ve begged more for her to come home. The night before she went to the vet I had to carry her to pee and we had a moment outside we’re we were staring each other in the eye for awhile and I knew her time was near. That’s when I spoke to her softly and told her that I will never leave your side and I will always carry you to pee/poop and feed you wherever you are most comfortable and do it forever if I have to. I love you so much. To have her gone and me not being there is killing me so much it hurts. I would never imagine leaving her suffering alone and dying alone. I won’t ever overcome this and I pray that honey knows I didn’t mean to leave her there. We counted down the hours till we could pick her up. I remember writing in my prayer app at 3:30am of how excited I am to hold her again and kiss her and that i just have to wait 5 more hours than 4 more hours. But my main concern I addressed in prayer is for honey to come home with no pain. I prayed to please take the pain away and bring honey safe home and prayed the medicine worked.  That morning I found out Honey passed after 3am. The memory of me carrying her over to the tech in the parking lot (curb side due to pandemic) to get her in kills me because I never thought that would be the last time I hold her. She was my big baby and I miss her every single day. This is the lowest I’ve ever been in my life and feel so empty. I isolate my self at home and don’t want to do anything or talk to anyone. I miss hearing her, kissing her, feeding her and most of all holding her close to me. I kiss her picture every night and have a picture of her paw that I put on my heart when I go to sleep so she can hold my heart every night. This pain, guilt and loneliness is unbearable. The love and bond we had is nothing compare to anything else I ever encountered. I feel guilty to even smile, laugh and eat as she didn’t eat for couple days. This f!?king hurts so bad! I’ll miss u my honey girl. Please forgive me as I wasn’t by your side. I love you so much. We will see each other again.. I hope soon. 

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My heart bleeds for you as I read your story...my Arlie (Husky/Golden Retriever) passed at the age of 11 1/2, he had cancer and I made the decision to put him to sleep as he was going downhill fast, I gave him palliative care for 2 1/3 months, I would have done it forever, gladly, but he was suffering.  He also had acute chronic Colitis his whole life and I cooked for him to keep him outbreak free as much as possible...he couldn't tolerate the vet's gastrointestinal dogfood nor the antibiotics they usually use to treat it with.  He was my life, my heart and soul.  I called him my soulmate in a dog and it hurt like it did when I lost my husband 15 years ago.  4 1/2 months later I lost his sister (25 year old Kitty), her liver and kidneys shut down, the first sign of anything wrong was on Christmas and I had her put to sleep Jan. 6.  

We who love our animals more than life itself understand here...the pain can feel unbearable but little by little the tears begin to lessen...yet always we carry them in our hearts as we love and miss them.

They are buried next to each other in the back yard, next to Skye, a Husky my son and I lost 6 1/2 years ago.  I look out the patio door and can see their graves with their memorial stones, it brings me comfort to know their bodies have their final rest here.

When I took Arlie in to have him euthanized, they under anesthetized him because their scale was off and when they gave him the final shot, he cried out in the worst pain I'd ever seen cross his face...it will haunt me forever.  Like you, I tell him how sorry I am, it wasn't supposed to be like that, and I know he forgives me, I just wish I could forgive myself as well.

I hope these articles help you as they have me.  
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
https://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm

I also hope this video will bring you comfort and peace:

 

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I love my Basset Hound
My heart bleeds for you as I read your story...my Arlie (Husky/Golden Retriever) passed at the age of 11 1/2, he had cancer and I made the decision to put him to sleep as he was going downhill fast, I gave him palliative care for 2 1/3 months, I would have done it forever, gladly, but he was suffering.  He also had acute chronic Colitis his whole life and I cooked for him to keep him outbreak free as much as possible...he couldn't tolerate the vet's gastrointestinal dogfood nor the antibiotics they usually use to treat it with.  He was my life, my heart and soul.  I called him my soulmate in a dog and it hurt like it did when I lost my husband 15 years ago.  4 1/2 months later I lost his sister (25 year old Kitty), her liver and kidneys shut down, the first sign of anything wrong was on Christmas and I had her put to sleep Jan. 6.  
We who love our animals more than life itself understand here...the pain can feel unbearable but little by little the tears begin to lessen...yet always we carry them in our hearts as we love and miss them.
They are buried next to each other in the back yard, next to Skye, a Husky my son and I lost 6 1/2 years ago.  I look out the patio door and can see their graves with their memorial stones, it brings me comfort to know their bodies have their final rest here.
When I took Arlie in to have him euthanized, they under anesthetized him because their scale was off and when they gave him the final shot, he cried out in the worst pain I'd ever seen cross his face...it will haunt me forever.  Like you, I tell him how sorry I am, it wasn't supposed to be like that, and I know he forgives me, I just wish I could forgive myself as well.
I hope these articles help you as they have me.  
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
https://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm

I also hope this video will bring you comfort and peace:
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Thank you so much for your respond! It’s helping me and my family as we read your comment! May our babies Rest In Peace with no pain and their fun sweet memories live forever. They are forever loved. Thank you again for your help, I really appreciate you. God bless! [emoji120]


Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com
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