Jump to content

Find out how to register Here!!

Check out how to register on the site!.

Share Your Loved One's Pictures

In our beautiful Gallery

Grief Support Marketplace

Check Our New Products In The Marketplace

Take Grieving.com on the Go!

Buy on Apple and Google Play
New Members - Check Your Spam/Junk Folder for Confirmation Email ×
Rob125

I don't think I should be feeling such grief

Recommended Posts

Rob125

Five months ago I found out that a girlfriend I had in high school, who I have had no contact with in the 48 years since graduation, had died. When I heard she died I was sad but it was not overwhelming. It was when I found out a few days later that she died of cancer back in 1984, at the age of 28, that I went into a tailspin.This is causing me such severe grief that I have to think there is something wrong with me. The thought that she has been dead most of that time is killing me, even though she was never part of my adult life. It has been almost half a century since I have seen this girl (emphasize girl) who was 16 years ago when I last saw her. She has been dead for 36 years. And I have been nearly obsessed by this for the five months since this shocking discovery. How could this be so overwhelming?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Rob125

Anybody?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
reader

Dear Rob,

It is devastating to learn about the passing of a classmate or someone your own age. It is a trigger. Makes me think how could someone so young be gone? I think about what their life and what they may have done.

Don't be hard on yourself. You cared about her and it is sad to think someone you loved has passed no matter when it happened. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. And if you need to talk about it more that is okay.

You are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. I found additional supports at these websites.

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

What's Your Grief

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Rob125

Thank you for your response. It does help to talk.

I think the shock of discovering that Linda, the girl that died,  had passed so long ago has opened an old emotional wound that I thought was closed long ago. Even during high school I did "move on" and had relationships with other girls. So I thought I was at peace in my feelings for Linda, but for several years I had a lot of regrets for not staying friends with her, and a few other people. Now when I reflect back on my life, thinking of events that happened since 1984, it kills me to think that she was already gone, and I had no idea. I just don't understand why these emotions about Linda are so powerful 48 years after I last saw her.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
reader

Dear Rob,

I hear what you are saying, it sounds like you cared about her a lot and wanted so much for things to be different. Even for myself, I desperately want to fix the past. I want to go back in time and make different choices.  A big part of the grief is the would haves, should haves and could haves.

I don't know if you are interested but maybe consider some counselling or a support group. There are some on Facebook and through Zoom right now. Grief in Common offers a grief coach.

Keep taking your time. She was important to you and it takes time to mourn.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Rob125

I will look into those suggestions. Talking about it does help a lot.

A lot of this is grieving the loss of history, and the regrets I have in not being in her life (and several other people's). And my immature behaviour. But I think it is pretty common for people to scatter after high school. If not for Facebook I would not be in touch with any of them. From an objective, logical standpoint these feeling seem absurd. This is a girl who was only part of my life for 2 years, and has not been in my life in any way for 48 years. Why it is causing me this level of grief I do not understand, but can only accept that it is there. It is mainly sorrow for Linda. That she met such a horrible fate, and so young. But those regrets, which I have not really felt in 40 years, are the thing that seem so corrosive. There is nothing as pointless and foolish than having angst over immature behaviour half a century ago when you were just a teenager.

I am no stranger to grief. My 13 year old daughter died in 2000. That grief is easy to understand, and you cope with it in stages, as knowledgeable people have outlined. But when it is something that logically seems absurd it is so much harder to get a handle on it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.