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Isaiah73x

losing my mother / best friend

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Isaiah73x

Hello all I'm new here I've never done anything like this before and I'm quite surprised there was a website for this which I am grateful for . My name is Isaiah I'm 20 years old  and I lost my mother 2/1/2020 she was 44, still feels like yesterday my heart hurts everyday I wake up we were so close we talked / texted each other if not everyday every other day . Since she lived out of state the past 2 years in Oregon I'd fly up once a month to see her and spend a week up there filled with nothing but laughter and love,  its so hard to think I have to live THE REST of my life without her. I still have trouble realiazing she's not here anymore :( there's times I want to call or text her and I have to remind myself that's not possible anymore. whenever I see a picture or see something that reminds me of her I'm still in disbelief like damn my mom is really gone. At the most random times I think of the the day I got the phone call that changed my life. I feel alone like no one gets me and the pain I have I'm so heartbroken, with mothers day coming up Im starting to feel more sad/depressed . To anyone reading this is there any advice that you could give me to make this all a little easier or what has helped you ? even sharing your story if you'd like <3  all is apperciated thank you all! :) <3 

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reader

Dear Isaiah,

I am so sorry for your loss. It is devastating to lose a parent and for myself the first year of grief was the rawest. Sadly, its very common to feel like no one understands our hurt and sorrow. This forum helped me a lot and I found the following websites helpful. What's Your Grief, Grief in Common and The Grief Healing Blog.  I also sought out counselling and a grief support group.  Please know there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. Different things work for different people. I even tried painting and writing and trying to different activities to keep myself moving forward. 

Anniversaries and holidays are especially hard.  I like to take flowers to the grave site. Someone else suggested doing something to remember your parent like having their favorite meal, listening to their favorite song or donating to a charity they cared about. Even lighting a candle and saying a prayer can be comforting. Or write them a letter.

Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. We are with you

Take care of yourself and know that you are doing the best you can every day. 

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Isaiah73x
12 hours ago, reader said:

Dear Isaiah,

I am so sorry for your loss. It is devastating to lose a parent and for myself the first year of grief was the rawest. Sadly, its very common to feel like no one understands our hurt and sorrow. This forum helped me a lot and I found the following websites helpful. What's Your Grief, Grief in Common and The Grief Healing Blog.  I also sought out counselling and a grief support group.  Please know there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. Different things work for different people. I even tried painting and writing and trying to different activities to keep myself moving forward. 

Anniversaries and holidays are especially hard.  I like to take flowers to the grave site. Someone else suggested doing something to remember your parent like having their favorite meal, listening to their favorite song or donating to a charity they cared about. Even lighting a candle and saying a prayer can be comforting. Or write them a letter.

Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. We are with you

Take care of yourself and know that you are doing the best you can every day. 

Thank you ! yes its starting to feel heavy since mothers day is around the corner but I will take your advice thanks again I deeply appreciate it take care <3

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reader

Thinking of you and your mom on this Mother's Day.  

Please take care and know we are with you.

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Isaiah73x
13 hours ago, reader said:

Thinking of you and your mom on this Mother's Day.  

Please take care and know we are with you.

Thank you reader it means the world much love xxx !!

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reader

Dear Isaiah,

You're more than welcome. How are you feeling? I know it's a tough day. 

Hope you were able to be with friends or family.  Be kind and gentle with yourself. With hugs, Reader.

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Isaiah73x

Hello reader , 

it was okay to say the least shed some tears and ended the day on positive memories and lighting candles for my mother 

thank you for the genuine concern it means so much xx

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TimBeach

Isaiah,

I joined today because I lost my 84 year old mother in January. I was primary caregiver and left Oregon for my old home in Louisiana to help her on her final journey after she was suddenly diagnosed with cancer in October....on her birthday. Then 4 months later she was gone.

 I'm having a helluva time coping. We talked everyday as you and yours did and were very close. I cry daily. I'm despondent. I lost my best friend. Reading your post made me feel less alone. It is the first post I read. To cope, I took all the photos and photo albums and reworked them into two archival binders. Painful at times, I think it helped some. So did your post.

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reader

Dear Isaiah,

How are you doing? 

Dear Tim,

I'm very sorry for your loss.  I was also a caregiver to my father and I wanted to share this website with you called Aging Care. It provided me with some additional support.

Thinking of you both.

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Valerie Lockhart

Hello Isaiah,

You are not alone. I was my mother's primary caregiver and even stayed with her around the clock during all hospital visits. I felt that she was too young to die as well, even though she was 71 years old.  I was fortunate to have a job that allowed me to work from home. I would sit beside my mother with my laptop in hand. The only time I left her side was to run home to shower and refresh my suitcase. Even while I was gone for a couple of hours, I had someone to sit with her until I came back. My mother was grateful for me staying by her side. She told all of her friends and visitors that it was me that kept her alive so long. I'm sure your mother felt the same way. We both can take comfort in knowing that we not only told our mothers how much we loved them, but we showed it in actions as well. One thing that I failed to do was to accept support from others. I felt that I could handle things on my own. It's been two years, and this morning I was thinking about what I could have done differently to save her. Accept support from your family and friends. Do not feel that you must always be around others, but do not completely push them away either. After all, you may need their support in the future. Kindly let others know what you need at the moment and what you do not. Sleep is always important, but this is especially so for those who are grieving, as grief can bring extra fatigue. Avoid making big decisions too soon. Many who make big decisions soon after losing a loved one later regret those decisions. You might find it therapeutic to collect pictures or mementos or to create a journal of events and stories you wish to recall. Store items that trigger pleasant memories and look through them later, when you feel ready. Helping others is also therapeutic. You might start by helping others who have been affected by the loss of your loved one, such as friends or relatives who may need a grieving companion. Supporting and comforting others can give you renewed joy and a sense of purpose that may seem to be lacking.Reevaluate your priorities. Grief can provide new insights into what truly matters.Take advantage of the opportunity to evaluate how you are using your life. And, finally "pray". God can help you to endure all trials. 

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