My life without Joe.

[Joes mom]

I lost my beautiful son Joe on Feb 10 to a hit and run driver. He was coming home from the library. My last text from him was at 8:07 letting me know he was on the way home. Luckily someone called the CHP to tell them there was a body in the crosswalk. My son. His dad and I separated a few years ago. Finally, things were getting good. Joe and his dad had a better relationship. Joe had gotten a job at a restaurant at the golf course by our house that he loved and he would be graduating high school. When I got the call from the hospital I raced there. My son was brain dead. My beautiful son and I would never dance in the kitchen together or walk dogs together or sit next to each other while watching scary movies. I cry every day and every night. I had to cancel his Celebration of Life bc of the virus. Yes, I’ve been staying at home with my sons ashes. He will never know how many lives he touched with his gentle ways and his sweet smile that would light up the room. I am angry, numb, and not sure of anything. What the hell do you do when someone kills your child? I’m so lost.

 

 

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[My girl is in heaven]

Hi Joes mom.  I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious boy.  Everything is so fresh and raw.  Just breathing right now, one breath, one day at a time is all you can do.  And if one day at a time seems too daunting, then just an hour or a minute at a time if thats all you can do.  Let people help you if you want, or not if that’s what you want.  There’s no right or wrong with respect to how to act or what to do or say.  There is no hand book on what to do when you lose a child.  I lost my 17 year old daughter almost 9 years ago and I want you to know that while you’ll never get over it, how could we, grief will not always hold a grip that is as tight as it is right now.  There are so many things I could share with you but I don’t want to overwhelm. Just want you to know that while you do have to march right thru the middle of grief, (there is no side stepping it), you don’t have to do it alone.  I will help you any way I can, you can lean on me if you want.  
 

Lu.....Kira’s mama.

[Joes mom]

Hi Joes mom.  I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious boy.  Everything is so fresh and raw.  Just breathing right now, one breath, one day at a time is all you can do.  And if one day at a time seems too daunting, then just an hour or a minute at a time if thats all you can do.  Let people help you if you want, or not if that’s what you want.  There’s no right or wrong with respect to how to act or what to do or say.  There is no hand book on what to do when you lose a child.  I lost my 17 year old daughter almost 9 years ago and I want you to know that while you’ll never get over it, how could we, grief will not always hold a grip that is as tight as it is right now.  There are so many things I could share with you but I don’t want to overwhelm. Just want you to know that while you do have to march right thru the middle of grief, (there is no side stepping it), you don’t have to do it alone.  I will help you any way I can, you can lean on me if you want.  
 
Lu.....Kira’s mama.

Thank you so much for replying. I am so lost right now. My son was everything to me. I am so fortunate to have a large friend support group. But you can never understand a parents loss if you haven’t gone thru it. This is all so surreal to me. I’m a single mom that works 4 jobs. How can this happen to us?


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[My girl is in heaven]

Joes mom....You can search every corner of the world and you will never find the answer as to why.  I know I tried.  It will exhaust you trying to find the why answers.  Somethings we just have to accept that some things just are.  You have such a burden working all those jobs and then looking after kids.  Are you getting any time off work?  I know you’re lost, drowning in a sea of sorrow where you can barely keep yourself afloat.  Sometimes you will see waves coming, dates on the calendar, seeing other parents who got to keep their kids, all kinds of things and then sometimes there will be those rogue waves that you don’t see coming that will knock you overboard.  But rest assured, you will survive this.  It is a very, long, and rocky road.  And you’re right, no one can understand unless they have lost a child.  We are changed forever.  We belong to a club no one wants to be a member of and where the dues are the highest.  Let grief wash over you, anyway it will, if it makes you cry, scream, pound the ground...don’t squash it down, but then you will get back up..because you/we are the strongest people in the world.  I have been at the beginnings where you are now ..remember one day at a time right now.  Remember I will be here for you..  reach out anytime.  Hugs.

Lu.....Kira’s mama

[Joes mom]

Joes mom....You can search every corner of the world and you will never find the answer as to why.  I know I tried.  It will exhaust you trying to find the why answers.  Somethings we just have to accept that some things just are.  You have such a burden working all those jobs and then looking after kids.  Are you getting any time off work?  I know you’re lost, drowning in a sea of sorrow where you can barely keep yourself afloat.  Sometimes you will see waves coming, dates on the calendar, seeing other parents who got to keep their kids, all kinds of things and then sometimes there will be those rogue waves that you don’t see coming that will knock you overboard.  But rest assured, you will survive this.  It is a very, long, and rocky road.  And you’re right, no one can understand unless they have lost a child.  We are changed forever.  We belong to a club no one wants to be a member of and where the dues are the highest.  Let grief wash over you, anyway it will, if it makes you cry, scream, pound the ground...don’t squash it down, but then you will get back up..because you/we are the strongest people in the world.  I have been at the beginnings where you are now ..remember one day at a time right now.  Remember I will be here for you..  reach out anytime.  Hugs.
Lu.....Kira’s mama

Thank you Lu. The officer that has been handling the case let us know that in between 2-6 weeks, they will be making a formal arrest of the man that killed my son. Yes, I am happy, but emotionally it was like being at square 1again. I was put in another tailspin.


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[My girl is in heaven]

Hi joes mom.  Unfortunately having to deal with the arrest, the trial , or other legalities will be extremely painful for you.  And for sure throw you into a tailspin everytime something new comes up. I used to and still do at times call it sliding into the bottom of the grief pit and sometimes you will just want to stay there cause you have no strength to pull yourself out.  But you will somehow and remember every time you do, it gets a little easier.  You can’t do anything more than just breath right now, take in only what has to be done right this day, this moment.  Ask for help if you need it.  Do you have someone who can be with you when the police stuff has  to be dealt with?  I will be here for you dear friend.  Unload anything you want.  I know the path you walk and will hold the lantern for you.  Take care.  

Lu.....Kira’s mama