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YankeesFan15

Wife wants a divorce and I really don’t

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YankeesFan15

Yeah we still eat dinner at same table but she moved her seat from right next to me to the other side of the table. And she sleeps in my daughters room. She wants nothing to do with me. 

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Larissa

What are the kids saying about this? Are they old enough to notice?

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YankeesFan15

They’re so confused. My two older kids know and understand but still very confused as to what’s going on. They think maybe we can stay together. They cry to me they don’t want this. My youngest is still to little. My wife explained to her that daddy won’t be living with us anymore soon and she cried so much but she doesn’t really understand. They cry with me all the time. Tell me they love me so much and it breaks my heart. 

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Larissa

Horrible. Just horrible. I hate it 

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Larissa

I’m sure this stay at home crap doesn’t help it any right

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YankeesFan15

Thankfully I’m back at work, I was hoping that work would keep my mind off of things but it doesn’t. She’s all I think about and it’s starting to effect my job. I need to get myself straightened out before I lose her and my job...

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Larissa

How is it affecting ur work? 

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YankeesFan15

It’s all I think about. I’m not paying 100% attention to what I need to get done and it’s effecting my production 

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Larissa

Does she work?

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YankeesFan15

Yeah. She works in the medical field. She has a nice schedule m-f 8-4. So she works full time but not nearly the hours I’m putting in and I know she makes up for it because she gets home and has to cook straighten up and look after the kids but I help where I can when I get home or before I go into work. 

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Larissa

Is she a doctor?

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Larissa

Does she want to list the house?

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YankeesFan15

She is not a doctor. She is the head of  research department for Cardiology for a major health system. As of right now the house is not listed. She will not be able to go anywhere so she’s most likely going to keep house. It’s my children’s home in their school district and it’s a great area. It’s going to be hard enough on them but to uproot their lives would be devastating on them 

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PG68

My ex was hospitalized twice for paranoid psychosis, and the closest to a diagnosis seemed to be schizoaffective disorder. He left out of the blue a few months after quitting his meds without professional support.  So I can relate to the mental health side of it. I struggle with PTSD myself. We didn't have children and had only been together 7 years, married almost four when he left. He told me that he had to leave "for him" (He said "I have to do this for me."). He sprung divorce on me pretty suddenly and then had left within a short timeframe -- two or three weeks. He decided not to come home from a trip out of town and to live in a campground instead. After that, I think he changed residences every two or three months for awhile. Was worried when he told me he'd adopted a dog, because responsibility is not his strong suit.  When the divorce finally happened just over a year ago, I felt relief. But I still struggle with and piecing my life back together. With children it's got to be more challenging.  Because of his psychotic episodes, he was in therapy and went to a psychiatrist much of the time we were together. At one point he told me that a therapist said we should have marital counseling. I felt like that was b.s., because I think he would have exploited it and that I would have been ambushed. I don't think that not going is what caused problems, we probably would have eventually ended the relationship anyway -- I just didn't expect it to come out of the blue.  It's hard to know what to say when someone is going through this... I understand how important the relationship must be... Mine was too. I loved my ex, i thought he was my best friend. I just keep having to reframe things as being strength-building (which gets old at a certain point).

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YankeesFan15

I’ve never in my life felt more alone, I can’t stand the comments of maybe it’s better this way. The kids will learn your cope with it and it will become the new Normal... why should they have to cope what’s wrong with working to get back the love we once had and have seen to have lost along the way because life just gets in the way. She tells me yesterday she doesn’t know if she’s every really been happy and she fears she wanted a family so bad to make up for the shitty childhood she had that she settled and has always put me and the kids before her and she’s not doing it anymore. I can respect the fact that she wants to focus on herself and giving the kids a better life than she had but at the same time it will not be better without me at home every day. I want to work at it with her so I can truly understand how to help and not just say things. I want to be able to give her everything she wants and needs because even though she feels that way right now I haven’t lost any love for her. I know how she is when she’s hurting. She is the queen of you hurt the things you love the most and I think her saying and doing hurtful things is her way of trying to get me to leave so she can say he left me. I miss her touch, her laugh and everything about her. It’s not even a sexual thing. That was always great but it’s deeper than that, I miss just laying in bed at night before bed and just laughing uncontrollably about stupid little things, whether it was something one of the kids did Or said during the day or something we saw online. Some days are better then the last and i was having a pretty good day yesterday until a friend of mine texted me who knows the situation because he’s one of my closest friends. He is getting married in a few months and asked me if I was bringing a date or coming alone... my whole world spun upside down again, 12 years together, in my vows I made a “joke” and said at least I’ll never have to worry about finding a date for weddings because I have my Forever plus 1. My heart sank and I’m back into a deep depression again. 

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Larissa

I understand everything. At least you have friends and family. I literally don’t. You have a job too and beautiful children. I lost everything and just have my dogs. You have hope.
 

and you are right. I believe being ALONE is the WORST feeling or situation in the entire world. I wanted a good husband so bad after I finished college it’s all I could think about. I finally met the man of my dreams and it only lasted 15 years before tragedy struck. I used to watch those horrible eharmony commercials and think THANK GOD THATS BEhind me. Being single is horrible and now it’s worse than that for me. I know if we would have had a family in 2013 before me disease started everything would have been ok

 

not trying to say woe is me. Just saying....at least u have more than me. Which is a lot. And u never know. She still might come around. Has she seen the lawyer yet? Given him MONEY?

im not totally convinced she’s gone. She’s just having a midlife crisis but won’t go through with it. And childhoods ruin everything. That’s why I DIDNT HAVE KIDS. Because mine was so full of neglect and abuse I couldn’t bear to being a child into the world knowing something might hurt them 

 

I don’t think she will go through with it 

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