Losing my best friend

[EmmaC123]

I'm not sure if I'm doing this right or if it will help. I just dont know where else to turn. Last Tuesday I had to say goodbye to my best friend, Jack. He was a 17 year old black and grey tabby cat that i have had since i was 7. I'm in so much pain having to live without him. We had such a strong bond, that it is simply indescribable. He was always there for me through my hardest days, and I was always there through his. We had a doctor come to my home to say goodbye so he could be comfortable, but I feel like i have betrayed him. Everyone keeps telling me that he was in pain, hes happier now, it was his time. But none of it lessens my pain or guilt. I also feel like i can only vent to my peers so much before they might see me as being ridiculous or over reacting, but they have no idea how much this is actually DESTROYING me inside. I hope that someone reads this or can help me in any sort of way.

[KayC]

13 hours ago, EmmaC123 said:

Everyone keeps telling me that he was in pain, hes happier now, it was his time. But none of it lessens my pain or guilt.

Nothing anyone says will lessen your feelings but it does help to have someone listen that gets it...here people get it.  We are animal lovers and we've been through this, time and again.  Every once in a while is that special cat or dog that was perfect for you and you for them and there was that special bond...you live with them day in and day out for years, and when they go, it is extremely hard for us to adjust to the changes it means for our lives.  We cried for them when they were suffering but when we've released them, we cry for ourselves...and our broken hearts.  Such is how it was with my Arlie and me (my dog, he had cancer, I lost him a few months ago).  

Guilt is common in grief, we feel responsible for them and so feel we let them down, even though we would have done anything we could for them.  These are FEELINGS and not facts.  But try reasoning with your feelings!  I hope these articles help:
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/04/pet-loss-guilt-in-wake-of-euthanasia.html

I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost Kitty after losing Arlie, she was 25, and it's still hard to look at the stepstool in the kitchen and not see her lying on it.  Everything is a trigger when wew lose them, an empty food bowl, their toys, leash, where they used to lay, going for a walk without them with you.  I borrowed my neighbor's dog after Arlie died, to walk with me...Joe is the same age Arlie would be, he's deaf and going blind so not a lot of interaction, he's nothing like Arlie, but it helps to not walk alone and it helps him too.  I tried adopting a cat but that had a bad outcome that's hard to talk about.  Same with a dog.  Finally my son brought me a puppy before Christmas.  We can't replace these furry friends, they are unique and irreplaceable, all we can do is adjust in our own time and way to these changes...forever we will love and miss them.  We are the richer for having had them in our lives.  It is hard for me to wait, I'm not patient by nature, but I look forward to being with them again.

 

[EmmaC123]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

Nothing anyone says will lessen your feelings but it does help to have someone listen that gets it...here people get it.  We are animal lovers and we've been through this, time and again.  Every once in a while is that special cat or dog that was perfect for you and you for them and there was that special bond...you live with them day in and day out for years, and when they go, it is extremely hard for us to adjust to the changes it means for our lives.  We cried for them when they were suffering but when we've released them, we cry for ourselves...and our broken hearts.  Such is how it was with my Arlie and me (my dog, he had cancer, I lost him a few months ago).  

Guilt is common in grief, we feel responsible for them and so feel we let them down, even though we would have done anything we could for them.  These are FEELINGS and not facts.  But try reasoning with your feelings!  I hope these articles help:
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/04/pet-loss-guilt-in-wake-of-euthanasia.html

I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost Kitty after losing Arlie, she was 25, and it's still hard to look at the stepstool in the kitchen and not see her lying on it.  Everything is a trigger when wew lose them, an empty food bowl, their toys, leash, where they used to lay, going for a walk without them with you.  I borrowed my neighbor's dog after Arlie died, to walk with me...Joe is the same age Arlie would be, he's deaf and going blind so not a lot of interaction, he's nothing like Arlie, but it helps to not walk alone and it helps him too.  I tried adopting a cat but that had a bad outcome that's hard to talk about.  Same with a dog.  Finally my son brought me a puppy before Christmas.  We can't replace these furry friends, they are unique and irreplaceable, all we can do is adjust in our own time and way to these changes...forever we will love and miss them.  We are the richer for having had them in our lives.  It is hard for me to wait, I'm not patient by nature, but I look forward to being with them again.

 

Thank you K for responding to me❤ i will check out those articles. Its def very triggering. Especially his little bed that lay right beside me every night (once he got too old too comfortably sleep with me) I feel a stabbing and breaking pain in my heart everytime i look at it, but at the same time i want to keep it forever and never let anything happen to it. I have considered having a friends cat stay with me for a few days. I have never experienced true loss, and so my world is falling apart. He was most definitely that special animal that nothing could ever replace. Thanks again for responding. I hope that you are doing okay as well through all of this. 

[KayC]

It would be good to have the company of a friend's cat, much like my walking Joe, not the same at all as having Arlie, but in a way that is good that they're different as I could never replace Arlie, nor would I ever want him to think I am.  I feel somehow that he is aware of what's going on.  I've learned in the afterlife/spirit world we don't need to understand how everything works, only have faith and believe.

I pray for some relief for you, that each days your tears will grow less and less...it doesn't mean you're over him or don't miss and love him, it just means you're beginning to adjust and that is to be coveted, this pain is too incredible.  

This hurts just like when my husband died.  It's harder than losing my parents, sister, niece, nephew, friends.  My animals are my best friends, my family, my companions, and of all of them, Arlie is the one who was my perfect soulmate.  I will mourn him forever.              

[AJWCat]

So sorry to read about Jack. What a sweet kitty. Of course you are devastated. It is totally normal. Don't listen to anyone else. Just take the time you need to grieve your loss. He was a huge part of your life. It's always good when our animals are out of pain, we never want them to suffer but that does not mean you can't be terribly sad. Of course you are!!

Let it out here. I needed this forum to share all my anguish from my sudden loss of my cat. We all understand. Just be patient. With time you will heal.