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Lost my husband suddenly...


Dey

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thank you. I never thought I would make it one year so thank you for reminding me that I am and never have been alone. God bless you and all who find themselves in this journey!

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You're not "required," just keep repeating, "not interested."  Rinse, spit, repeat.

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16 hours ago, luckystarhongkong said:

 

 Suddenly I am required to 'meet some people' and start some 'new social network' just to keep my sanity after losing my soulmate. What a joke.  

Same. I have always been quite socially awkward so the thought of having to meet new people doesn't sit well with me and especially in this circumstance it is more anxiety inducing.

We were quite content in our little world.

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On 9/1/2020 at 1:35 PM, Yoli said:

We were so comfortable is our own little world. Because of this we kind of isolated ourselves from others alot of the time.

I believe this is universal for the members here.  Some of us were or are more outgoing and social than others, but every one of us says some variation of, "We'd rather have been with each other than anyone else" and/or "We were content in our own little world" or both.

A couple of years after his bicycling accident when our doctor and the specialists confirmed that John's disability would be permanent, though his bones healed and eye surgeries helped with his vision, we had to make many adjustments.  It was frustrating and difficult, and we learned who our real friends were.  Our circle shrank to only those who could accept that our lives had to be "smaller" in some ways.  It was incredibly hard for John to accept what all the doctors told us:  That he would not be returning to the life he had.  And so in some ways, he became less sociable and more focused on home with me and our girls.  He was never exactly "the life of the party," but he had been outgoing, loved meeting people, and had a way of making others feel comfortable around him.  Once he felt he didn't have as much to offer and as he realized that his activities were going to be restricted, he went through a period of what's called situational depression.  That left him more withdrawn and somewhat shy, especially around new people.

But we were so in sync with each other and so united that it didn't bother us.  Yes, we were sorry to miss some activities or not be able to plan things as we had in the past, yet we were content simply to be together in the little older home with beautiful views and right where we wanted to be.  We had good neighbors who were not "pushy" or intrusive. We were isolated a good deal of the time and that was fine with us.

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10 hours ago, foreverhis said:

. . .  It was incredibly hard . . .  to accept  . . .That he would not be returning to the life he had.  . . . Once he felt he didn't have as much to offer and as he realized that his activities were going to be restricted, he went through a period of what's called situational depression.  

Foreverhis, 

I couldn't help seeing a strong similarity between your John's struggle to adapt to his changed condition after the accident, to all of our struggles to adapt to the loss of our partner. 

One of the hardest things to grasp and adjust to is the realization that we will not be returning to the life we had known.

I know I struggled/struggle with feeling like I don't have much to offer in social situations, compared to what 'we' (mostly my John) brought when we were a couple.  It is depressing. 

Slowly, we build confidence in our own self-worth.  Covid made that an even slower process as we had few opportunities to take those baby steps. 

Just an observation. 

Gail

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