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Lost my husband suddenly...


Dey

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peach_2003

Our anniversary is next month it is a week before the 3 months since he passed, it would have been our 17th anniversary, I am going to miss the e mail that he would have sent me first thing in the morning before I even woke up or the message on face book he would have posted again before I even woke up I am going to miss the card he would have gotten me or the one I would have gotten him, but most of all I am going to just miss him and all the time we would have spent together, 

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These time of coming up anniversary's, birthdays, the first time we met are all now memories and are all we have to hang on to. next month is our anniversary and Im not  looking forward to that day. When I flew from the US to Germany I remember looking down and we landed and thinking Im home. he met me at the airport with a sign saying welcome home my sweet love. He had packed a lunch and we drove until we came to a large grassed farm field and stopped. He put a blanket on the ground and brought out our picnic. he said look up to see my surprise and there up on a very large hill was a beautiful castle. ITs like he gave it to me as a present. Since then he was always bringing me home surprises. roses, candy, crescents. I miss him with every fiber of my being. I understand the mechanical part and being small. I feel I go about as a robot and every thing seems insignificant. I still have the memorial to plan because due to the virus restriction we could not have. My brother in law is fighting on this. he wants it his way and I know what my husband wanted and not. He wants a big oh look at me memorial and my husband wanted just very simple, quite , peaceful. say a few words ,play a song and celebrate his being in our life. He wanted his ashes to be scattered and just a simple song or poem. Nothing more.  So his brother writes me talking about old girlfriends. Its as if he wants to bully me to giving up and then taking over. I hold on the my husbands urn with my life so that I can keep his wishes. I miss him so much. 

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foreverhis
1 hour ago, Monaron said:

My brother in law is fighting on this. he wants it his way and I know what my husband wanted and not.

You are his wife.  You are his next of kin and what you say goes.  Please do not let yourself be bullied, especially now when you are so vulnerable.  His jerk of a brother no doubt knows you are in extreme distress and will try to take advantage of that.  Be strong on this, as well as his brother trying to come take things that don't belong to him.  There's not much you need to be strong about right now, so put what energy you do have into fighting for your husband.  That is what you are doing: You are standing up and fighting for him, for what he wants, and for your love together.

((hugs))

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17 hours ago, Monaron said:

Ahhhhhhhhh that good . Your doing good. Its hard but you did what you needed to do for you son. he needed that more sweet. We keep putting one foot in front of the other. we grieve as we must and we rejoice in each moment of respite from grieving . even if its for a moment. that how we live right now moment to moment, but my hope is that our moment grow and we have more peaceful moments in the future. Hugs and you did well sweet. 

Thank you, you are so sweet Monaron, though in my perspective I just did what i have to do, whatever that made me survive the pain of not having him any longer on our special days. 

9 hours ago, Missy1 said:

I hope you are doing a little better today. Grief is exhausting, try to rest and treat yourself and your son to something good. 

Today's better day Missy. Yes grief is indeed exhausting. I ended sleep more than I usually do yesterday. Wake up feeling better, not as depressed as the day before. 

 

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9 hours ago, peach_2003 said:

Our anniversary is next month it is a week before the 3 months since he passed, it would have been our 17th anniversary, I am going to miss the e mail that he would have sent me first thing in the morning before I even woke up or the message on face book he would have posted again before I even woke up I am going to miss the card he would have gotten me or the one I would have gotten him, but most of all I am going to just miss him and all the time we would have spent together, 

Special dates are the hardest Peach, and we have already hard daily life without our husband now. It's sad and unfair reality we have to face. I hope you'll "survive" your upcoming anniversary without so much pain and sadness. I hate to even think anyone going through such hell I experienced the day before.. 

2 hours ago, Monaron said:

He wants a big oh look at me memorial and my husband wanted just very simple, quite , peaceful. say a few words ,play a song and celebrate his being in our life. He wanted his ashes to be scattered and just a simple song or poem.

Monaron, you're his wife. You are the one who know your husband best, what he want, what he like.. Your BIL should respect your decisions. Your BIL insist on what he wants is not only disrespecting you, but also your husbands wish. Stay strong dear.. God bless you <<sending virtual hug>>

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all of you sending my love. You help so much. we need each other now in the bond of grief. How did we know strangers would come together and share the most personal, painful part of life and understand. In this we are blessed. thankyou all and God bless. 

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7 hours ago, Monaron said:

I hold on the my husbands urn with my life so that I can keep his wishes

Keep on fighting for him, you know what he wants!  Let that fuel your resolve.

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15 hours ago, Monaron said:

How did we know strangers would come together and share the most personal, painful part of life and understand.

Exactly.. I find more peace talking, reading and writing in this forum than having session with my counselor. Maybe I find another counselor, the one I have now just doesn't click. 

 

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I went to a couple of sessions of grief counseling and a therapist and it was awful they didn’t care about me they couldn’t understand! I felt more depressed after those sessions than anything else, this forem is kind of a portal to a place where you feel a little normal for a while.

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@Missy1 yes. I also feel that my therapist didn't really understand. I didn't make another appointment with her, she just didn't click with me at all. 

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foreverhis
17 hours ago, Monaron said:

How did we know strangers would come together and share the most personal, painful part of life and understand. In this we are blessed. thankyou all and God bless. 

When I found this welcoming forum it was because I was angry with people making comparisons.  I started my first thread and then wondered if anyone would even respond.  The kindness and concern I discovered literally brought me to tears (it's kind of doing that now, actually).  I didn't just find acceptance of who I am and what I am experiencing, I found validation for everything I was and am thinking, feeling, and doing.  It was an unexpected blessing and grace that I'm not always sure I even deserve.

I am an extremely private person IRL.  I have a small, loyal, and loving circle of family and friends, but I don't live my life online, etc.  Truth be told, I do have a Facebook account, but it's one my husband and I created just so we could check in on our daughter and a few friends/family.  It's not even in my real name.  I used my mom's maiden name and my husband mixed fact and fiction to create the profile.  We've had the account for 7 or 8 years and I think we have 9 friends--who actually are friends and family.

So coming here to people who are technically strangers, but feel like family, and baring the deepest, hardest parts of my life has been very different for me.  No one in my life no matter how much they love me and my husband and no matter how close they are can understand what it is like to lose a soulmate.  They know this and have been very supportive of my being here in lieu of in person therapy, which is really not for me.

There's a universal faith here that transcends simply sharing experiences.  I am thankful for everyone here.

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My first "grief counselor" experience was horrid, he was anything but!  He hadn't a clue and didn't respond appropriately at all.  They say it can often take trying three to find the right one for you (give or take), so if at first you don't succeed...

I do know that trying to navigate this on your own is really tough.  There are so many places that offer helps, whatsyourgrief.com is a good one.  You can google articles, questions, but some I've found to be off a bit, so research a bit.  I've been studying grief for 15 years, compiling articles, reading, the information out there is vast.  And this is always a good place to come, here we have others who get it, won't pressure you, respect your ways of dealing with things and are always here to listen.

14 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I am thankful for everyone here.

Me too!

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yes, I too. I find myself when im in a dark day coming here and finding some comfort. Im with people who know my walk and talk. you know my grief you also live it. we may not be the same but we share this common bond of grief. May we all grow, and find strength we did not know we had and finally to peace. After 6 weeks Im still feeling days and timed are unbearable , here I can come and write my pain and its understood. Bless you all

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peach_2003

Monaron I lost my husband the day after you today is 6 weeks it is still very hard on me but coming here is very helpful

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I, too, am full of gratitude  that in my deepest sorrow and saddest moment of my life I found this forum and receive much support from you all. Although it's also painful that each one of us find each other in these circumstances. 

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My husband walked in the front door a few days ago, everything appeared the same as usual. About 30 minutes later he was on the floor and gone that fast. No cause no explanation.

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@A Wilson I'm sorry for your loss. It feels like hell as the world turn upside down when we lose our husband so suddenly and abruptly. One moment he's there and in blink of eyes he's gone. I blame myself for many things, for not being able to safe him, for not saying I love him  enough, etc... although my logic tells me there's nothing more I could do that day, but still I can't help myself. This guilty feeling, pair up with missing him a lot, sadness, the pain of losing him, the unfairness, make me broken down many times. It's so difficult to move forward with my life since he's no longer around. I'm just doing what the other members suggest, take one moment at time.

So I understand it must be so hard for you right now. But here, it's a good place. in this forum, members understand the feeling, because most of us (maybe all of us to be exact) experience losing someone in our lives. Here you can cry, vent, angry, or whatever you feeling, no one will judge you. It's somehow a relief knowing you're not alone walking this path. So keep writing and coming here. God bless you and all the members of this forum.

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I agree with Dey, You are among strangers here who through fate we are brought together. We understand the pain, emotions, grief each are going through. We will not say to you oh you will get through this. To me its like a tsunami washing over me. I feel helpless to the circumstance of losing my best friend, soulmate,husband in a blink. The one sound advise I can give you now is to take it moment by moment. Try and not to think to far ahead because in grieving your mind will not take you there. I too blame myself for not loving enough with all my heart even though I did, seeing that maybe there was something before he died I could have done? All of that is normal to think but takes us deeper into this thing called grief. Here you will find others who are grieving and understand your feelings. Keep writing because we are here for one another. No judgement, just support. God bless you and all who come here. 

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@A Wilson

I am so sorry.  My husband also died suddenly, unexpectedly...heart trouble we hadn't known he had.  He'd shared complaints to his doctor but his doctor was dismissive.  I was gone that weekend and he drove himself in, in cardiac arrest, they sent him by ambulance to the hospital.  He never came home.  It is hard to put into words what it does to us, our lives turn upside down, never to be the same again.  It's been 15 years come Father's Day, I still miss him each and every day.

You've found a good place here where people will listen  to you and we "get it,"  all of us have been there and still making our way through this.  (((hugs)))

I hope you'll read the posts here.

Wanting to share this with you, I wrote it at about ten years out of the things I've found of help, hoping something helps you today, and something else later on in your journey as this is a process, ever evolving.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255
  • Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

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Today, one of my husband's best friend call me. I was surprised and thought it's nice of him to check in on me and my son. But turn out he just want to talk about himself. Maybe he doesn't have another friends who would listen, maybe my husband used to listen to him so he thought he'd share it with his widow instead. The point o his call is just to inform me that he finds a new love  and is getting marry next month. It's insta romance they only know each other for 1 month. At the end of the talk he said, life is full of miracle, his soon-to-wife is a miracle, so someday I will meet mine too. I almost yelled at him, I found my miracles, I live with him for years, we have a wonderful son together.. you're so rude for wishing me that, on top of that my husband is your best friend!! but I somehow still able to gain my composure and wish him well before I ended the call. I give him that out of respect to my husband, because he like this person a lot. But I don't think I can do that anymore. 

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peach_2003

His mom said that I proably want to fine someone too in the future she said this in front of my husband her son while he was lying in bed very sick I told her no I love matthew and he is the only one that I want. she even said at one point when we were in the room together she saw some of the stuff coming out of it and she said in a really negative tone "he's not going to make it" which my husband heard because he rolled his eyes at this he was even hungrey 5 minutes before they made me take him off life support.

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@Dey, He sounds like a very selfish person. Did he even stop to think how that would make you feel in your grief. Sorry you had to put up with that nonsense! I personally will never be with another man, he was my “one” we had so much together, it’s horrible to not have him in my life. 

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10 minutes ago, peach_2003 said:

she said in a really negative tone "he's not going to make it" which my husband heard because he rolled his eyes at this he was even hungrey 5 minutes before they made me take him off life support.

His parents seemed so negative about the possibility of your husband could make it. It must be difficult for you, wishing and willing to do anything for your husband to get better, but on the other hand his parents already stop fighting for him. It's so contradicting and weakened the spirit and hope. I'm sorry you have to experience that.

@Missy1 I have to agree, he is selfish. He just got divorce like 6 months ago, his ex kicked him out of their house for finding he cheated on him, my husband let him stayed for 2 weeks in our house because he had nowhere to go that time. I once asked my husband why he still befriended him, he said that person had done great help during their college time. So he just gave back to him by being his friend. My husband said sorry for inconvenience  me and thank me for bearing his friend for the sake of him. I think today's call is my last effort and energy I spend for that person. He's on his own now. 

 

23 minutes ago, Missy1 said:

I personally will never be with another man, he was my “one” we had so much together, it’s horrible to not have him in my life. 

Same. I don't know what my future will be, but I don't have plan, not even thinking, of finding another man. A friend told me, I'm still young, only 43 years old, just don't close the door yet. But I just don't feel like it.

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peach_2003

I feel the same way I am only 36 but I have no interest in finding anyone else ever

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5 minutes ago, peach_2003 said:

I feel the same way I am only 36 but I have no interest in finding anyone else ever

Maybe it's too soon to say this, for I don't know about the future, but for now that's the last thing, not even cross my mind, I ever think about. 

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peach_2003

its the last thing the crosses my mind, I keep trying to get my husband to visit me because I still need to see him and have him hold me. I ask him to visit me in my dreams but he hasn't except the one time weeks ago.

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I wish he appear in my dream too Peach. But I hardly sleep nowadays and if I do, I don't get dream anymore recently. You're lucky he did appear in yours. 

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peach_2003

that was weeks ago and it was early morning when I took a quick nap now days I don't sleep and if I do its only for an hour or two at a time and I don't dream at all anymore

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On Day two, he not only did he appear  to me, he spoke to me in my dreams. This night  he was angry because I didn’t want his death on social media because he was private. I heard  loud bells, and saw bright lights. I heard him say, please tell people that I’ve passed away you can’t keep it from the world, I love you. I woke up sobbing, felt like I was awake the whole time!

FB is tacky, I did not want to splash our life on FB. I published his obituary link and announced it after his message to me, in a dignified way. It was good because it reach friends who genuinely cared from all over. 

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peach_2003

I didn't post anything on face book about his death but his obit was posted on line on our local news site. Although people who knew us through my job or his former job did message me privately on face book to say how sorry they were my husband was pretty private 

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I told my family I don't ever want to or can't even think of marrying again. They tell I'm young and I'll find someone down the line but I don't want anyone else. It's only been a week since my husband  passed and it something that I can even imagine. I guess people say that to help me deal with the loss and the thought be being alone. 

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peach_2003

I cant even imagine dating or being with anyone else the thought turns my stomach and makes me sick I spent my entire adult life with my husband and we should have had much longer. 

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Yeah, I am 55, done,  I hope to not make 56. Life is sad, gray, no joy, no laughter. I am broken...I don’t have a future without him. I am okay with that. Alone is something I am learning to be.

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peach_2003

I am broken and alone as well. I have no joy in life at all I am sad all the time and have no friends except the one that he had and yes he contacts me every few hours but other then that I really not have anyone

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2 hours ago, Missy1 said:

FB is tacky, I did not want to splash our life on FB. I published his obituary link and announced it after his message to me, in a dignified way. It was good because it reach friends who genuinely cared from all over. 

Yes, I have neglected my FB account and forgot it ever existed until I was flooded with emails from FB that people message me, turn out my inlaws posted on their account. 

@A Wilson @peach_2003 @Missy1 I guess people just dont understand, see or experience this through our eyes. They don't know the deep of connection between us and our significant other. The deeper it is the more difficult to even think about finding another man. My husband was, is and will be the love of my life, my best friend, my everything. 

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I find myself alone. IF it were not for my daughter who texts me on a regular basis I don't know what I would do. His brother who was estranged from my husband does not like me because my husband did not come to him to ask permission to marry me an American. At first he said to his family that we will support Monaron and help her in any way we can. Well I have not heard from him in many weeks. He simply is not available. he could have helped me with much as far as language. Everything comes to me in German and although I speak and understand good basic, I am far from understanding all the paper work coming in. I do much translation and it time consuming and draining. I keep on asking God to allow my husband to at least send message or  sign or visit me in a dream ,but that has not happened. Im still alone hereein our home with no one  other then my daughter to turn to and she is in the US and Im in Germany. We still have not had a memorial due to the restraints of the virus but Im not looking forward to planning. My husband wanted simple, peaceful. My brother in law wants control and Im holding my husbands ashes with conviction and Im not going to allow him to dictate what he wants . HE sat at my table many hours after my husband death, only to return a call by the police going to him and talking negatively about my husband without a thought.  disrespecting my husband wishes through  me. Im like a robot. I do what I have to do every day but I don't see me.  Every day is just another getting through, breaking down and waiting for the day to be over. It seems people just don't understand that I lost my best friend,my life partner, my lover, my life. My brother in law lost a brother and I understand that ,but I lost my life. 

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41 minutes ago, Monaron said:

but I lost my life...

yes, this is exactly how to sum up me too. Others might not understand that. Or perhaps they haven't experienced what's it like to have deep connection with their spouse. One member wrote on my reply, that what we have with our love one is special not everyone got a chance to have it, that's why it hurts more losing them.

I hope today is better day for you Monaron. I pray for strength for you to deal with the grieving alone and far away from your family. And more strength to solve and handle all the papers, and especially to deal with your brother in law. You do what you have to do, you're the one closest to your husband, you know what he like and want. Your brother in law's wants is not what your husband's want. Hug from far away, God bless you...

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Thank you dey,

God bless you and I also send you hugs and a hope for peace. 

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Dey, I am so sorry.  They mean to give us hope but it has the opposite effect.  Glad for him, but!  You handled it well, better than many of us would have.

 

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@Monaron  Your BIL sounds like someone you're better off without having in your life, neither supportive nor understanding.  Funny how too brothers can be so different, but that's how it was in my husband's family also, he was second eldest of 11 kids, the most caring person I ever met.

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Christinarosa1968
On ‎5‎/‎1‎/‎2020 at 3:15 PM, peach_2003 said:

I know the feeling dey I actually haven't slept in our bed because our bedroom makes me want to cry, I have his picture on the coffee table beside me I keeping hoping he will come to me in my dreams so we  can talk. Worst is I feel abandoned by the rest of the family because his parents don't even check on me, His cousin checks on me daily even if its just to say hi its nice to talk to him, 

It has been 8 weeks for me today - March 16th - Michael passed.  He was 53 years old.  He came home from the airport where he worked and said he was not feeling well and was going to lie down.  I was starting a new job that day and was getting ready (showering and dressing).  As I was leaving I was afraid I was going to be late and could not find him in the house.  To this day, I do not know where he was when I left.  I thought he was in the bedroom laying down.  I ran around and could not find him.  When I got to work I called my daughter (17 years old) and found him in the garage, unresponsive.  He was not there when I pulled my car out of the garage...

Sometimes the waves of sadness are so bad that I shake.  My family and friends don't want to hear me cry any more, even my daughters.  Plus with COVID, it is hard to get out and do things without feeling like I might be putting our lives in jeopardy.

When will things get better.  I am so stress and sad and the anxiety is so bad.  I loved being part of a marriage.  I loved having someone to come home to.  I loved Michael for 32 years and married (June 4th) would be 27 years.  I feel my life is a mess.  I have 2 beautiful daughters, but they are teens and they are doing better than me. 

God please help me.  I am happy I can write on here, but also feel like I might be repeating myself.  I miss him so much. 

 

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@Christinarosa1968 I'm so sorry for your loss dear. It really is so hard, and even harder given our circumstances with the pandemic, losing our significant other. Yes, other people may already fed up with our grieving, or crying... families and friends also don't want me to keep crying too. So mostly I do my crying and my broken down episodes silently, or in my room when most people are sleeping. I can not fool or forced myself stop crying or not feeling the despair of losing him. People can't understand this because it's not them experience it. It's not them whom losing their love, their lives.. it's also not them who has my special deep connection to my husband. I let myself cry, I just don't show these people, it's too much hassle.. so cry if you feel like crying; vent, scream or whatever if you feel like it. You do you. Others might not understand, because they don't feel what you feel. 

3 hours ago, Christinarosa1968 said:

I have 2 beautiful daughters, but they are teens and they are doing better than me. 

I have one wonderful pre-teen boy. I have to say my son copes differently. Most of the times I feel he doing better than me. He chats and plays online game witj his friends, still laughing, still making and posting some trending online challenges, basically "almost normal". But there are times when he also break down, sobbing uncontrollably missing his daddy. The first time he did that I realized it's not that my son doing better and never felt lost, he just doing him.. he copes differently. 

3 hours ago, Christinarosa1968 said:

God please help me.  I am happy I can write on here, but also feel like I might be repeating myself. 

Just keep write on, even if it repeating yourself, even it only just to express your feeling, just write on without any worries. I'm doing it too afterall, repeating myself, venting my anger or sense of unfairness. I'm grateful other members here just let me and even still write back or give supporting responses. God bless you...

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I read this somewhere, somehow the sentence fit me perfectly... 

"I’d give in to the grief but make sure I wasn’t loud enough to draw attention from those who think words will make me feel better."

 

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yes, people say kind words or what they think is kind but have no idea what this is like. I have not had human touch in so many weeks now I lost count. a hug can mean more than a thousand words. You will get through this. I hear again and again. How do you know? My life is upside down. is different and changed drastically and not for the better. Im alone now , but they are not. Life, what life? I feel like this is how they think , grieve yes but hurry up I don't and cant feel uncomfortable with your grief. Hurry up to what????????? I don't know where life is going. Simple. 

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5 hours ago, Monaron said:

yes, people say kind words or what they think is kind but have no idea what this is like. I have not had human touch in so many weeks now I lost count. a hug can mean more than a thousand words. You will get through this. I hear again and again. How do you know? My life is upside down. is different and changed drastically and not for the better. Im alone now , but they are not. Life, what life? I feel like this is how they think , grieve yes but hurry up I don't and cant feel uncomfortable with your grief. Hurry up to what????????? I don't know where life is going. Simple. 

Yesssss! I Said to someone, I don’t know how to live, they replied, your doing it. It upset me because this existence is not sustainable. Alone working, doing chores and keeping the balls in the air, Why?!?!  There is no reason anymore. A pointless life, is no way to live. People need love, I had mine, I don’t want another. I feel like I am done here, I invested my whole life in him, we were one together. Life is one big chore now. 

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13 hours ago, Monaron said:

Life, what life? I feel like this is how they think , grieve yes but hurry up I don't and cant feel uncomfortable with your grief. Hurry up to what????????? I don't know where life is going. Simple. 

Exactly!!!! They would let and tolerate our griefs according their terms, their times etc. But it's not them walking the journey, it's us. 

 

7 hours ago, Missy1 said:

Yesssss! I Said to someone, I don’t know how to live, they replied, your doing it. It upset me because this existence is not sustainable. Alone working, doing chores and keeping the balls in the air, Why?!?!  There is no reason anymore. A pointless life, is no way to live. People need love, I had mine, I don’t want another. I feel like I am done here, I invested my whole life in him, we were one together. Life is one big chore now. 

Yes Missy.. now it's more like though I'm alive I'm not living. I'm struggling to find my reason to continue beside taking care of my son. Simple life tasks and problems which I'm usually capable to handle, now seem to be so hard. You're so right, life is one big chore now....

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8 hours ago, Missy1 said:

I Said to someone, I don’t know how to live, they replied, your doing it. It upset me because this existence is not sustainable.

I know how you feel.  I've been doing it for 15 years but this social isolation has me at my wits end because the way I learned to cope was give myself something to look forward to, balance time home alone with time out with friends or volunteering...can do that now.

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I laid my husband to rest today. It was and is the hardest day of my life. The pain of missing him is so great. I'm still in denial to some degree. I see him just being away for awhile but not forever. I'm have my 2 some with me but they need me to be there are them. Now I do have an amazing support system from family and friends. Thank God for that but when everyone leaves I'm alone with my thoughts of regret, guilt and uncertainty about my future. 

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Christinarosa1968

I am so sorry to hear about everybody's loss and it is so hard with the world today with this social distancing and this coronavirus that it's hard to have something to look forward to war to have somewhat of a normal normalcy

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