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Dey

Lost my husband suddenly...

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Missy1

I am so sorry for your loss and pain. I lost my husband, 10 weeks ago, the pain and grief are overwhelming. I feel flor you and your son, losing your foundation, the center of your universe is a life changing event. Especially during this Pandemic, I can’t imagine dealing with this in this new world. Our husband’s are often our strength and we look to them for everything, it’s horrific when that person is taken from us.

I wish you strength and courage. Your son will need you, glad you have each other to cling to. The pain and grief are overwhelming try to focus on survival. This is a good site, read some threads, to me, it’s very comforting to know that there are others much like you, trying to find a way to live through our tragic loss. As you will often, one day at a time, just breathe. 

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Dey
52 minutes ago, Missy1 said:

I am so sorry for your loss and pain. I lost my husband, 10 weeks ago, the pain and grief are overwhelming. I feel flor you and your son, losing your foundation, the center of your universe is a life changing event. Especially during this Pandemic, I can’t imagine dealing with this in this new world. Our husband’s are often our strength and we look to them for everything, it’s horrific when that person is taken from us.

I wish you strength and courage. Your son will need you, glad you have each other to cling to. The pain and grief are overwhelming try to focus on survival. This is a good site, read some threads, to me, it’s very comforting to know that there are others much like you, trying to find a way to live through our tragic loss. As you will often, one day at a time, just breathe. 

Yes you're right, he's my strength. That's why I have these regrets, was it bcs I was not taking care of him better before?

I am so sorry for your loss @Missy1  like you said, the pain is overwhelming, so you must be feel that too now. I wish you strength too. And thank you for comforting me. 

"As you will often, one day at a time, just breathe".... this, I'll try this for now

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foreverhis
2 hours ago, Dey said:

Sorry if you can't trully understand my words. English is not my language. But I need to express this, I feel so sad and lost..

No need to apologize.  Your English is just fine, good in fact.  Please do express yourself here.

I am sorry you find yourself here with us, but this is a good place to be.  The members here truly do understand, do not judge, and try to help each other.  Although the way we lost our partners/spouses is different for each of us, the depth of our grief is universal.

You are in shock, so it is not surprising that you would feel lost and uncertain.  With COVID-19 causing everything to be strange and altering every aspect of our lives, you are having to try to navigate the most painful loss of your life in the most challenging possible way.  Please do not expect yourself to be strong all the time.  No one could be.  Missy1's advice is excellent:  One day, sometimes even one hour at a time is all you should ask of yourself right now.  Let your son be there for you to comfort you, as you are there to comfort him.  Draw strength from each other as you start on this unexpected, unwelcome path.  Your grief journey will be yours alone, but please know that we are walking right beside you.  We will always listen and care..

 

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jwahlquist

I am sorry for your loss.  This is a great site as everyone here understands what it is to lose their spouse or partner.  This is a good place to share your grief and emotions without worrying about people judging you or making insensitive comments.  I lost my husband unexpectedly as well so I get how hard it is because you just aren’t prepared.   Not that anyone is ever prepared for this reality.   I also have an 11 year old who was very close to her dad.   It is hard to try to be strong for your child through your own pain.   

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Dey
8 hours ago, foreverhis said:

No need to apologize.  Your English is just fine, good in fact.  Please do express yourself here.

I am sorry you find yourself here with us, but this is a good place to be.  The members here truly do understand, do not judge, and try to help each other.  Although the way we lost our partners/spouses is different for each of us, the depth of our grief is universal.

You are in shock, so it is not surprising that you would feel lost and uncertain.  With COVID-19 causing everything to be strange and altering every aspect of our lives, you are having to try to navigate the most painful loss of your life in the most challenging possible way.  Please do not expect yourself to be strong all the time.  No one could be.  Missy1's advice is excellent:  One day, sometimes even one hour at a time is all you should ask of yourself right now.  Let your son be there for you to comfort you, as you are there to comfort him.  Draw strength from each other as you start on this unexpected, unwelcome path.  Your grief journey will be yours alone, but please know that we are walking right beside you.  We will always listen and care..

 

Yes, talking with people who understand feels a bit comforting, i dislike it when people talk, "He's in better place no need to cry so much", or "I know you're strong woman, you'll feel better soon, time will make you forget.."

I know they mean well, but can they just let me cry, don't i have the right to feel lost too? They didn't know him as I do, or how our life was, so how can they say i get better soon, and what if I don't want to forget him? 

 

7 hours ago, jwahlquist said:

I am sorry for your loss.  This is a great site as everyone here understands what it is to lose their spouse or partner.  This is a good place to share your grief and emotions without worrying about people judging you or making insensitive comments.  I lost my husband unexpectedly as well so I get how hard it is because you just aren’t prepared.   Not that anyone is ever prepared for this reality.   I also have an 11 year old who was very close to her dad.   It is hard to try to be strong for your child through your own pain.   

It is hard. I'm grateful that my 11 y.o son is mature beyond his age. But it still pains me hearing him asked me yesterday, "mom what if i call ambulance faster, will daddy still be with us?" He was the one contacted medic while I was doing CPR. He is just a child, but already having guilt about his father's passings. I am sorry for your loss too, yes.. no one prepare for this reality..

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jwahlquist

@Dey

I am sorry your son is going through that.   My daughter was with me every step of the way during my husband’s ICU stay.   She begged me to keep her dad on life support because she thought he could get better.  She cried and was as devastated as I was when the neurologist told me he would never wake up again.  It has been rough on us both because ultimately I had to decide whether to take him off of life support. I have had so many I wish I would have moments and what if I moments.   If I could change the outcome I would but there is nothing  that will.   

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KayC

Dey, I'm so sorry and that you've had to go through this during the pandemic makes it all the harder.  Maybe you can have a memorial service for him when this is behind us so your families can be there.

My husband had just had his 51st birthday when he passed from a heart attack, he looked the picture of health, was in great shape on the outside, he'd complained to his doctor of symptoms but his doctor never sent him to a cardiologist, he was dismissive.  It struck me like a lightening bolt, I was blindsided.  Our children were grown and on their own but my daughter came and stayed with me for a few months.

5 hours ago, Dey said:

i dislike it when people talk, "He's in better place no need to cry so much"

Cliches never help, in fact they are counterproductive and dismissive of our experience.  I would counter it with my personal truth.  What better place than here with you and his son!

The what-ifs can drive us crazy but they are part of our grief response.  

I hope in time you can see a grief counselor, perhaps even phone counseling right now would be beneficial for you and your son.

I wrote this article for people new to this...it consists of the things I've found helpful over the years, I hope something in it speaks to you today, something else perhaps on down the road, as our grief journey is ever-evolving.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255
  • Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

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Jim1976

Dey , please don’t blame yourself my wife committed suicide 3 weeks ago and I’ve gone through every scenario thinking what could I have done ,thing is you loved your husband and you done everything right .We are on a forum we don’t really want to be on and like u I am devastated completely.The way you have done everything yourself shows what strength you have it’s very scary at the moment I’ve a 21year old and a 9 year old even they are copping better than me and your never alone .Be strong - Jim 

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chincube
7 hours ago, Dey said:

"He's in better place no need to cry so much", or "I know you're strong woman, you'll feel better soon, time will make you forget.."

I know they mean well, but can they just let me cry, don't i have the right to feel lost too? They didn't know him as I do, or how our life was, so how can they say i get better soon, and what if I don't want to forget him? 

Dey, I am sorry for what's happening to you and your child.

You have every right to cry, and after some time if you feel like it you have right to not cry for a day too. People who hasn't gone through something like this can sure be insensitive, maybe they didn't know it, I didn't know it too, but it hurts us no less. Sometimes a comment can sound so judgemental to our ears, whether it's time or place you cry or not cry, as if we have control - but please know that you have every right to do what you need to do or not do.

On the other hand, I want to say that I remember when my boyfriend just died I was so afraid that I would forget him or memories we shared. But you really won't, and it's again only people who hasn't gone through grief that would say "time will make you forget", because it really doesn't work that way - and I am grateful that time doesn't make me forget him! I don't want to!

I wish you gaining a bit strength everyday, take care of yourself and we're here to listen when you feel like talking.

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Dey
14 hours ago, jwahlquist said:

@Dey

I am sorry your son is going through that.   My daughter was with me every step of the way during my husband’s ICU stay.   She begged me to keep her dad on life support because she thought he could get better.  She cried and was as devastated as I was when the neurologist told me he would never wake up again.  It has been rough on us both because ultimately I had to decide whether to take him off of life support. I have had so many I wish I would have moments and what if I moments.   If I could change the outcome I would but there is nothing  that will.   

I'm sorry you have to experienced that. Yes, I too, wish I could make something different that day, but nothing will bring him back to me now. How does your daughter cope with this tragedy? She's the same age as my son. It must be hard too for them, suddenly losing father, and seeing their mother are lost. Today I told him I was sorry I can't be function fully as mom at the moment. He nodded and said, "I miss him too mom.."

 

9 hours ago, KayC said:

My husband had just had his 51st birthday when he passed from a heart attack, he looked the picture of health, was in great shape on the outside, he'd complained to his doctor of symptoms but his doctor never sent him to a cardiologist, he was dismissive.  It struck me like a lightening bolt, I was blindsided.  Our children were grown and on their own but my daughter came and stayed with me for a few months.

Your story has some similarity with mine, I took him to GP because he said something's wrong with his body, but the doctor only said have a rest, gave general medicines, and advised me what food for him to take. He told me, unless it's emergency avoid going to hospital, my husband's condition was not on the best fit he worried bcs covid19, and our nearest hospital is dealing with covid. Yes, it felt like i was struck by lightning bolt. One moment you were holding his hand, still breathing, then he didn't.

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Dey

@Jim1976 deep down I know there's nothing more I could do that day, I did my best in the situation like now, but the guilts, regrets, sorrows still creeping up often, I can't help it.

I'm sorry you lost your wife, losing the one closest to you is really crushing.

7 hours ago, chincube said:

On the other hand, I want to say that I remember when my boyfriend just died I was so afraid that I would forget him or memories we shared. But you really won't, and it's again only people who hasn't gone through grief that would say "time will make you forget", because it really doesn't work that way - and I am grateful that time doesn't make me forget him! I don't want to!

Yes, why would i want to forget? Our times together was the best time of my life, he was great man, a loving father, the right person for me. 

Another day, another autopilot mode, but still breathing, still hurting....

A LOT....

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Michelene

I lost my husband to a heart attack as well, 2 years ago. It still feels as if a part of me is missing. My heart goes out to you and your son. Especially at this time, so difficult to find the normal channels of grieving. People here will always respond...

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chincube

@Dey The right thing to say don't feel guilty about it, because there was really nothing you can do about it. But then I know how the tonnes of "what ifs" just spin out of control every second, it's normal to feel that way. My boyfriend died of sickness, and we were in a long distance relationship. He was a bit sick before but he shook it off very "manly", I begged him not to go do a performance the day he died, but he did anyway and died right after. Sometimes I would think, would he have not died if I made him go to a doctor some days before? Would he have not died if I have been a strict crazy girlfriend forbidding him to go to do that show?

Of course there's nothing I can do, and it's really not my fault. But I thought of many of those things. And I had an enormous amount of guilt for quite some time too, concerning he's dead, what I can do and he can't anymore, and thus I shouldn't be allowed to do that too. It really can get out of control. It's normal to have those feelings, but if you let it get on to you it can put burden on you physically too. It's not fair to him that it happened, but it'd also be not fair to you too if you let the feelings eat your well being away.

For now, just focus on breathing, eating a bit at a time, remember to drink water (you can get dehydrated!), try to get a bit sleep when you can. It's ok to do just a bit at a time, seconds pass, hours pass, days pass. That's only how we can do it. Big hug

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KayC

Dey, you are right, I wouldn't want to forget ANYTHING about my life with George, for all of it is precious to me, it is our journey together.

We all do the what-ifs early in our loss and sometimes it can haunt us, but it's not because we did something wrong, it's our wiy of looking for a different possible outcome...only there's only one outcome and that's the one that happened.

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Dey

Today marks 7 days since he left us. I'm still hanging, trying to breathe and living.. 

@Michelene I'm so sorry for your lost. Tell me how you survive this 2 years, I find it hard to imagine  surviving tomorrow, the day after and so on...

@chincube you're right. there's constant battle between my logic and my guilts/regrets. Most of the times, logic loses and i'm drowning in the regrets, what ifs, and guilts. 

@KayC yes, my relationship with Sam was the best time of my life, he left too soon but that doesn't erase everything we've been through. He will be forever part of my life. 

But talking to you all here helps a little. It's big different talking with someone who understands and with those who don't. Here you let me cry, vent, mad, or whatever without judging me. I need that. I can't with people giving me empty sympathy words or their pity.. 

 

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KayC
12 hours ago, Dey said:

Tell me how you survive this 2 years,

One day at a time.  Sometimes one hour at a time or one minute.

You're right, a place like this saved me when I lost George.  I never dreamed I'd survive it this long.

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chincube

It has just been 1 year that he left, I did not know how I could survive too. At times I felt like I was going to die too. 

I still don't know how I survived this year, but time has been very fast but also very slow too. It still feels like just yesterday that I last spoke to him, at the same time I can't believe it's a year already. 

Like kayc said, I could just focus on the minute I'm living, take one day at a time, and then it's already a year. 

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Dey

Today one of relatives called, he quoted bible and said I dont need to worry or sad now cause God took care of him on his eternal sleep, suddenly I wanted to scream to him,  then what about me? Who'd take care of me and our son? Who'd handle all his chores before, who'd deal with the bills, school tuitions and so on??? Just stop talking bulls$** to me. 

My husband was the main provider in our family, so although I have income it's more like my allowance to my hobbies instead, so I have to step up and become provider to me and my son now while I'm broken inside losing him. Everything is so drastically change. My home is no longer feels like home, it is now too big, too empty for just the two of us. 

@chincube yes, times has been very fast and slow at the same time. Sometimes I told myself, has it really been 7 days already? But at nights when i can't sleep even a second feels like forever. 

3 hours ago, KayC said:

You're right, a place like this saved me when I lost George.  I never dreamed I'd survive it this long.

This forum is  like my temporary escape from real world now. Place where I can cry, vent, sad etc without I have to hold anything in, without you're all judging me, you're all just listen and understand, while out there, I'm demanded to put on braver mask. 

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chincube
7 hours ago, Dey said:

Today one of relatives called, he quoted bible and said I dont need to worry or sad now cause God took care of him on his eternal sleep, suddenly I wanted to scream to him,  then what about me? Who'd take care of me and our son? Who'd handle all his chores before, who'd deal with the bills, school tuitions and so on??? Just stop talking bulls$** to me. 

Unfortunately my guess is you'll hear a lot more of these to come... the worst someone said to me was perhaps "There has to be silver lining in everything, you just have to look for it" I flipped instantly, are you kidding me?!?!?!

I do think I've turned more bitter over the year, it's hard not to... I don't like that quality on myself too, I try to be understanding but sometimes it's hard. When I hear these things, I keep telling myself my friends haven't gone through such things and so don't know what to say. Even my own mother who hasn't gone through such horror, she tried to offer comfort by comparing my loss to a break up she had when she was young. I wanted to scream at the time, but then I remember if my own mother who loves me and want nothing but to comfort me say that when she doesn't know what to say, how different would it be for others.

How are you holding up day to day mundanes? Are you and your son eating? With the covid situation, can anyone bring in food or help in any way at your place? It must be very hard with the distancing situation, and stressful shopping situation, I know it's very hard to even go out with the raw grief...

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jwahlquist
4 hours ago, chincube said:

Even my own mother who hasn't gone through such horror, she tried to offer comfort by comparing my loss to a break up she had when she was young.

My brother in law’s ex-wife said she always thought that losing her husband would have been better than going through a divorce.  I said, “Are you f$&!ing kidding me?”   Her response was “well the divorce was hard on me emotionally.”   I said, “Sure but your kids still have their father and you still have the opportunity to have a support system even if it isn’t the way you want it.   I am ALONE!   I have NO ONE!”  She said, “ Maybe you’re right”.  I gave up the conversation after that.  Honestly there just isn’t anyway to make some people understand.  I feel like those are the people that I just need to avoid.  If they can’t understand and can’t keep thoughtless comments to themselves then I don’t need them in my life.  

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Michelene

My mother in law said so many horrific insensitive things on the way to my husband's memorial service that I really don't talk to her anymore. She put so much stress on him from the age of 8 onward. People who were divorced said some really stupid things--I wanted to say to them, "You know, I didn't just LOVE my husband, I LIKED him." A grief counselor said something to me early on, "Grief rearranges your address book." Some people I didn't expect to be supportive, were; others I would expect it from (family members) just GONE. I felt very bitter toward them. Even two years on, I still can only take so much of married couples. When my coworkers would chirp, "Have a good weekend!" I wanted to stop, turn around and say, "Tell me, just what the **** would that look like? How do YOU envision my weekend going?" but  I didn't.  One of my coworkers is an art teacher--when she would have a community art project night going, she would always be sure to invite me and I would sit in a corner and do art. You know, in the beginning i would do these things so I could say, see, I am doing these things so give me my husband back. I guess that's bargaining. for the first year, just making it through the work day exhausted me. Still does at times. 

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KayC
23 hours ago, Dey said:

suddenly I wanted to scream to him,  then what about me? Who'd take care of me and our son? Who'd handle all his chores before, who'd deal with the bills, school tuitions and so on??? Just stop talking bulls$** to me. 

I wouldn't have blamed you one bit if you'd TOLD him to stop quoting meaningless babble to you!  Platitudes mean nothing!  Until he's been in your shoes he has no right to give you a bunch of empty jargon and cliches!  Where is his tangible HELP!

 

16 hours ago, chincube said:

Even my own mother who hasn't gone through such horror, she tried to offer comfort by comparing my loss to a break up she had when she was young.

I think I've told you all about my BIL who wrote in his "sympathy" card how he understood because he'd lost his bird and it hadn't come back for a day!  The damned bird wasn't even lost and he's comparing it to my losing my HUSBAND?!!  Are you KIDDING me!  I think people want to say something to comfort us, they're stretching it to try and relate to us when they can't, and do more harm than good by saying anything!  Sometimes we need someone to sit with us, listen to us, care, maybe mow the lawn.

 

12 hours ago, jwahlquist said:

My brother in law’s ex-wife said she always thought that losing her husband would have been better than going through a divorce.  I said, “Are you f$&!ing kidding me?”   Her response was “well the divorce was hard on me emotionally.”

I wouldn't have liked that statement either but now that my daughter's husband has totally changed 1000% and gave her "a divorce for Christmas" but didn't leave their home and she's stuck...she is in utter torment and has been for three years...I feel like I was more fortunate than her because my memories aren't of someone betraying me, turning on me.  They've been together for 20 years!  They had a love like George and mine!  How could he do this to her!  George never would have!  I never though Don would have either.  George and my love is intact, her's isn't.  I guess we really can't compare apples to oranges, neither place is good to be in.  In Melissa's case, it's cost her her dream of having children, because he did this to her during her childbearing years, she's almost 38.  Right now the courthouse isn't processing anything so their divorce is in limbo and he won't leave and she can't afford to.  This is not what I ever dreamed of or wanted for my beautiful sweet daughter.

11 hours ago, Michelene said:

I talked to the priest early on, with the what ifs and why god and he said, "why do you keep looking backward? Eric has gone on ahead...you need to look forward." 

We try to live in the present so we don't miss what bit of good there is right now BUT the past was a very special time to us and is not gone for any of us...something he doesn't get apparently.  You and Eric will always be entwined in your love.

I love CS Lewis, he "got it" because he experienced it.  He's so real.

10 minutes ago, Michelene said:

"Tell me, just what the **** would that look like? How do YOU envision my weekend going?"

I get it.  I've lived this almost 15 years now.  Someone said "How do you do this for two YEARS!"  Try 15!  And during this social distancing it's stretched thin to the max!  I've survived loss of job during the recession three times.  Making all of my decisions on my own.  Figuring out how to pay for everything on less income and more debt.  Survived surgery and recuperation totally alone.  And now this.  Sometimes you wonder how much more you can take!  

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Dey
20 hours ago, chincube said:

How are you holding up day to day mundanes? Are you and your son eating? With the covid situation, can anyone bring in food or help in any way at your place?

I'm breathing at least. I'm the kind person who like being prepared.. so before the lockdown I did some shopping, i'm not worried about food, my local neighborhood made support systems, also delivery service is still possible here. I can order online and make them delivered to my house. But i still make meal for my son, do some chores etc, i do it so that i don't have to always lie down crying. I still accompany, listen to his rants or story, it's all in autopilot, sometimes i feel guilty toward him, for not being fully function mother. I try my hardest, and in a way spend time with him make time pass more bearable.

@jwahlquist it really is some insensitive thing to say. People who don't understand try to reach to us, but the outcome is contradiction. I know they mean well, but like you, I need to avoid these people.

3 hours ago, Michelene said:

My mother in law said so many horrific insensitive things on the way to my husband's memorial service that I really don't talk to her anymore.

my mother in law is another story. I'm Asian, in my culture, my son is the only heir of their family's line now. Sam was first and only son, and Tian, my son, is his only son. MIL calls me everyday just to persuade me to move in with them, or if I don't want to, let them to take Tian to live with them. I'm not agreeing in tiny bits, he's my responsibility, and I'm not the kind person who cut ties between family, they shouldn't worry about that. But i wanted to be fair to my son too, i talked with him yesterday, telling him how he felt about it, I respect whatever his decision, if he want to live with Grandma and Grandpa, I might reconsider the option. He said, "we're together mom, I only know you and Daddy, I want to live with you". Dealing with inlaws are difficult. I can't just block them, but sometimes they rush me, I need more time for myself, it hasn't even long since Sam left us.

Tu me manques.. he's indeed missing from me. It's not the same anymore, it will beber be the same without him..

3 hours ago, KayC said:

We try to live in the present so we don't miss what bit of good there is right now BUT the past was a very special time to us and is not gone for any of us...

What a beautiful way to phrase it @KayC my story with Sam will forever be mine, integrated well in me, I might continue living on, i have to for my son, but some part, big part of me is gone with Sam...

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