Members Larissa Posted April 27, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 27, 2020 Honestly speaking Dey, people told me I was drowning 4 years ago when my tragedy could have been prevented. I had power, money, love, friends and family and most importantly an amazing husband. Today. I have none of that. I was extremely successful and had it all and now nothing. I know whatever you are feeling guilty about was I’m sure not your fault. I’m sure you tried your hardest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 27, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 27, 2020 Dey, you sound stronger than you think you are. I’m sure you did everything you could. I know I can’t overcome it. The past was so great. We literally had everything. Then it all went away and was completely preventable. Had I had friends and family that cared my situation would be a lot different. My brain is going crazy and all I have is memories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dey Posted April 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 58 minutes ago, Larissa said: i lost literally everything there is no place to go to now except a women’s shelter with my dogs Larissa, I really can't be much help and or give any suggestions about this matter, I don't live in US and most probably half a world apart from you. I can only send you some prayers that good things will come to you eventually. 43 minutes ago, Larissa said: Today. I have none of that. I was extremely successful and had it all and now nothing. One thing I learn from lossing my husband is life and time are fragile and can disappear, gradually or in the blink of eyes. I once was on top of the world too with my husband, my son, financially stable, but now I lose my main provider, and because COVID my small business isn't going well, I'm afraid it has to be closed down soon, and I still have my 11 years old to raise. I have to find a way to survive, whether I'm ready or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 28, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 I was my husbands main provider as he was unable to work due to high blood pressure and congestive heart failure. he was on disablitly which I will receive until the end of June by then I should be able to go back to work. However my husband was my support system he was my soul mate and best friend, He as the only person I could count on, I don't have any family (except his family and there not all that supportive) and the only friend he had messages me every couple hours on Face book I don't have anyone else. Any old friends I had 17 years ago before we got married a barley talk to or have anything in common with. Its hard for me to make friends. I don't know what to do because I miss my husband so very much. He was my whole world. My reason for living. I sit by myself at home with no one to talk to but a cat (he was more my husbands cat then mine) he keeps looking for my husband and I cant tell him that his daddy is gone and never coming back because he cant understand I tried to tell him and he still looks for his daddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 Hi peach, I completely hear you. My husband was my support system and best friend. He was the sun and the moon. unfortunately I was the main provider. And I made a lot of money for me and my husband. I was ok with it and then I made more mistakes than I can mention and went from tons a money per month to living on disability. My husband was also my soulmate and I hate to say it but it was mainly my fault I lost him and the mistakes were completely recoverable but grave enough to sink me. I can understand your loneliness with his cat. My precious boy dog loves his father and tolerated me even though he is technically mine and I bought him. My “decline” or “demise” as my family likes to call it was over the course of two years and I have so much anger at them for not stepping in and helping. All I do all day is go through anger, sadness, despite and grief. I actually don’t really function other than feeding my dogs. can I ask how you lost your soul mate? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 28, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 He got sick with sudden pancretitis which was caused by gall stones caused his kidneys to start to shut down. The doctors told us both myself and my husband that once his pancretitis cleared up that his kidneys would start to work again. 2 days after he was admitted to the hospital they put him in icu. They kept saying that he was sick very sick but they would get him thru this 100 percent. They put him on a ventilator on the 3rd day (his second day in icu) they checked the fluid in his lungs and found that he had a fungus (this was after he was on put on the ventilator) they couldn't tell me how he got the fungus. They gave him antibotics to help clear up the fungus. They also had to prone him (turn him on his stomach) as his oxygen was not good, it improved 100 percent after they prone him and they were weaning him off the ventilator, They had him on a contionous dialysis machine (they took him off this after two weeks and used a regular dialysis machine) which was giving me hope because I figured that he was getting better the first dialysis machine was to be used for critically ill patients. On his second week in the hospital they asked me to leave because of the covid-19 they said he was stable so I left which I was hopeful that he would be out soon. On the third week (his last week) they did a ct scan and told me that his pancretitis had gotten worse and that there was only a 10-20 percent chance that he would live because it was now also effecting his liver, I asked about surgery they said it was not a option he wouldn't live thru it. The doctor wanted to take him off the ventilator to see if he was going to be able to breath on his own and if he could then maybe it would jump start the rest of his organs ( but that he would likely be on dialysis for the rest of his life) 3 days after they told me this his parents forced me to take him off life support, they wouldn't even let me try to take him off the ventilator to see if he could even breath on his own, he passed away on March 27th exactally one month ago today I looked on the internet for all of this and they should have tried to drain the fluid in his pancreas because this might of helped but they didn't do this, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 Honestly , this sounds like when my husbands mom does two years ago and they didn’t follow up with us to check on the status of her cancer and it continued to grow. Medicine really isn’t all it has cracked up to be and I feel they let us down. I am sorry the didn’t do all they could to save him. What part of the country are you in? Any friends or family or just the cat? I wish I could make everything better for you but of course I can’t even correct my situation and there really isn’t a fix for it either as you are probably aware. do you sleep at night? I can’t even sleep at night really because of all the trauma associated with the loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 28, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 I only have his part of the family and his one good friend his friend checks on me daily to see how I am doing, his parents check on me once in a while ( I usually call them to check on them) No I don't usually sleep at all maybe a few hours here and there, but I barley sleep or eat I live in Ontario Canada Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 That’s real nice of his friend to check on you. I don’t have anyone except the ladies at the shelter. They have been kind to me where my family has literally deserted me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 28, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 HIs friend is a decent cousin but yes he has been very nice, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 That’s so nice to hear. I’m glad you have him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 28, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 yeah so am I how did you lose your spouse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 28, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 I thought he would have come to visit me in my dreams last night I even asked him too but he didn't my only dream was him sitting in the hospital bed better heating treats that from an actress from a tv show gave him, he was the best he could be and they were telling me he was going to be fine and could come home, but this isn't going to happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted April 28, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 15 hours ago, Larissa said: I don’t know what to do or how to go forward i lost literally everything there is no place to go to now except a women’s shelter with my dogs I am so sorry. Hopefully a women's shelter will help you gain some traction, have some helps available for you besides just shelter. One day at a time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 I only know the women and staff at the shelter. I have no one else to support me and keep me safe. I lost my soulmate and reason for living. Nothing makes sense anymore except my dogs really and taking care of them. I used to have as much traction as anyone in this world in fact more so than anyone . I had the most important job anyone really has and lost it for no good reason really. Now my head and heart and soul just spin everyday. I’m not really sure why I’m alive to tell you the truth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted April 28, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 15 hours ago, Dey said: this "guilty" is something that most of us experience during our process. https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/12/grief-and-burden-of-guilt.html http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/03/guilt-and-regret-in-grief.html https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/03/in-grief-coping-with-moment-of-death.html (See the links at the end of the article as well) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted April 28, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 14 hours ago, peach_2003 said: I tried to tell him and he still looks for his daddy. That is so hard. George's cat ran away two months after he died. He took one long look at me as if committing me to memory, turned tail and left. I never saw him again. 14 hours ago, Dey said: I have to find a way to survive, whether I'm ready or not. I'm sorry you're hit with this pandemic ramifications. I've no doubt you will make it. I lost my job three times during the recession and I can honestly say I never missed a mortgage payment or meal. It was scary but I made it through, you will too. You strike me as competent. 2 hours ago, peach_2003 said: I thought he would have come to visit me in my dreams last night I even asked him too but he didn't I don't think it's easy for them to visit us. I rarely have dreams about George and have no idea why. We were so much each other's world! 12 hours ago, Larissa said: They have been kind to me where my family has literally deserted me. Wow, I can't imagine a family turning their back on you when you've lost your spouse! I'm so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 28, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 Oscar can't get out we live in a apartment building, I don't think he would run away he just seems very lonely without his daddy they were very close. I miss him so much, Right now we would be playing Mario party Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 Yeah. I’m honestly trying to not go crazy after my family deserted me. They actually have a lot to do with him leaving which is why they deserted me because they have a guilty conscience. They are also multimillionaires as well so they could help me financially but refuse to. They have told me if I call or show up at the door they will call the cops on me. The only people I have to talk to are the staff at the women’s shelter as they have at least heard of this happening before Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 I have been so despondent that o even turned to psychics for clarification. Without even knowing the situation they said that I don’t deserve this treatment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 28, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 hid dad drives me to the cementry once a week but that's because I don't have a car to go myself. if I had a car and a license I would go out there everyday and sit out there all day and just to be with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 Yes I completely understand that. I see people sitting at the cemetery all the time with tons of flowers and trinkets surrounding them and such. I’m sure he knows you are there for sure. I have no doubt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 28, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 I would like to hope that he knows I am there. I would like to hope that he knows that I miss him so much and wish that he was still here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dey Posted April 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 Exactly how I feel too Peach. Does Sam know I love him so much? how I miss him, how I wish he is still here beside me... i can't even enjoy coffee anymore because it reminds me of him... many things I can't enjoy anymore because they remind me of him.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 28, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 I feel the same way Dey I cant enjoy anything anymore everything seems pointless without my husband, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 Totally and utterly pointless i completely agree with you one hundred percent I live it every second of the day and at least you are not alone in that feeling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 29, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 my husband showed up in my dream last night for 1 minute. I don't remember all of it just that he popped up in my dream it was just for a minute said something about how messy that apartment was ( I had to look in the storage closet for our marriage license when he passed away and I haven't put the stuff away) then I woke up. I was hoping that he would come to me and held me but maybe he will again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 Did he used to tell you that stuff in real life too or is your apartment just messy now that he is gone. When I am able to sleep I have sweet dreams about him all the time. The way things once were before I lost my job and he left me. He is a good person and we deserved each other and the way we were torn apart is very unnatural and unbearable Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 29, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 Yeah he used to tell me the apartment was messy ( when it was messy) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 Do you find yourself thinking and living in the past and what could have been or is it just me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 29, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 yes I keep thinking about the past and what would have been if he would have lived. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 It’s debilitating. im sure you never thought it would happen to you and I’m sure you are young like me too so it is such a shock to find myself here everyday knowing now exactly what happened but unable to fix it. I always knew I would never be separated and that I married for life until “tragedy” struck and I just wish I actually would have been able to live a life before it happened as I’m sure you did Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 29, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 I am only 36 my husband was only 37 we should have had the next 50 or 60 years together dying in each others arms but now I am all alone I have never been alone. we always had each other, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 I am 42 and the tragedy I went through struck exactly at 36 as well. When I “lost it all” I always think how many vacations and trips and houses and cars and living moments we would have had. It’s a nightmare to think about but I have nothing else to think about other than what would have been. We were an airtight couple until my misfortune struck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 29, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 My husband was my best friend. I don't care about houses or money the only trip that he wanted to go on was to disney world which was what we would have done had he lived. I would give everything up to have my husband back. He was my everything my soul mate my best friend my rock the one person that I could always count on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 Yes. I completely understand that. One hundred percent. All I ever asked for or wanted was him and I got him, but only for a little while. And I can’t accept that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 29, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 My husband and I were married for 17 wonderful years, We were each others everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 Yes.15 here. I look back and remember total bliss. Not a care in the world. Happy, smiling and there to support each other at every turn. we wanted for nothing and had each other to count on. He was the most perfect man I could ever ask for. He is so good at everything he does. He can fix anything or build anything and is a sweet kind soul. The best soul I ever met as I’m sure your husband was too. That’s why I married him. Not a bad bone in his body. Everyone’s loves him and children and animals actually flock to him literally as I have seen it time and again. i would give anything in the world to reverse the hands of time What part of the world do you live in? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 29, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 We live in Canada. Animals loved my husband too and he loved them. When we went camping the chipmunks used to climb him and he used to feed them peanuts, our cat loved him he used to kiss my husbands head ( my husband used to find this comforting) he was such a sweet and gentle soul who loved star wars and star trek, he loved marvel movies and video games he was just a big kid at heart, when he got sick I thought he'd still be coming home. Even when he was put on the ventilator which I was assured was only to help with his breathing so his pancretitis would heal I still thought he would be coming home, I still can't believe that I will never see him again that I will never hug or kiss him again or be held or kissed by him again, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 They sound very similar indeed. Just really sweet kind men. The best type. maybe you will see him again and be able to hold him. I’m certainly no expert but maybe. At least you are still soul mates and his heart will always be for you. My husband told me that he will never come back and his heart will most likely be with someone else else. I was so distraught and beside myself I even went to a spiritualist to see if this was true because I know deep down inside we were soul mates and she said yes. That he was mine but he’s not anymore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 29, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 I have faith that I will see him again one day that we will be together again one day. I know how much he loved me, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 Do you have a lot of friends or family or was it his best friend that checks on you everyday? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 29, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 I have his parents but there not all that helpful and I usually call to check on them instead of them calling to check on me. I don't have any friends at all the only one I have is his friend that checks on me I am truly alone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 Yes, I know how you feel. It’s the worst feeling in the world. I don’t wish it on my worst enemy at this point. No one deserves isolation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted April 29, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 You might want a moderator to move this thread to here: https://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/forum/40-divorce-or-ending-of-a-relationship-not-related-to-a-physical-loss/ or here: https://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/forum/74-loss-of-a-relationship-not-to-death/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKatB Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 1 hour ago, KayC said: You might want a moderator to move this thread to here She has been asked to move her comments to the divorce board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 29, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 i am going to the grave site to see my husband today. I spoke with his mom and she asked me how I was doing I said that I was still sad and she told me that if I went back to work I would proably be fine and that I will get over it but I am not ready to go back yet and I don't think I will ever get over losing my best friend. I told her how lonely and boring it was alone in the house and she said I am like the rest of the world that are stuck at home but really I am not. I am different we all are. She told me that at least she still had dad to argue with and talk to which just hurt me more because I am sitting here by myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 I have moved my comments is there another way to do this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Missy1 Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 @peach_2003 Soooooo Insensitive and hurtful. I don’t think she meant to be however, they just don’t get it. I’m sorry that you had to put up with that. Remarks like that really hurt, we are fragile already don’t need that. I try to avoid talking about my loss even with my Mom because she’ll end up saying something that will make me either angry or hurt because she still has her husband they don’t get it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 29, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 i know she didn't mean to hurt me just her remarks did because I loved my husband so much and the thought of having to move one without him is killing me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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