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Becky Fletcher

Looking for anyone that is going through the grieving process of an unwanted divorce that was sprung on them in a matter of days. 

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I am hardly able to function

the grief is immense. You are not alone. It’s all I have now other than my dogs. Had a storybook life until I made too many mistakes that were not able to be overcome. I am lost confused and all alone. 

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heartsick123

This is me!!  Although I guess it wasn't sprung, I know it was going to be a possibility.  I just thought will all my heart we would work it out as we are destined to be together.  Denial hs been my friend.  My hear hurts so bad, Life punched me in the face.  So many regrets if anyone has a time machine please loan it to me.  

Hoping to find peace, with time.  Taking day by day.

Any advise with share

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Hi heartsick,

 

I unfortunately don’t have any advice as I am spinning. I lost everything if one can believe it. Very lucrative important career, house, husband and now dog is dying and I have no money for surgery. This honestly sounds fake as I write it but it is no joke. It can actually get this bad. I am sure she was your soulmate as my husband was mine. I simply can’t belive it is happening to me of all people as I’m sure you feel the same way. Peace would be amazing but I haven’t felt peace for about 8 years.

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gayepopovich

Every day I try to deny this grief. My husband left me as soon as I became pregnant. I didn't expect this. He said that he wanted an easy marriage and didn't plan children in it. But he didn't tell me this before, and I was sure that he would be glad of this news. But he left home, and a week later I received a divorce papers Florida, which he sent me by mail. I'm now 9 months pregnant and still afraid that my experience will affect the psyche of the baby. But I can’t do anything with my inner state.

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The grief is undeniable. It’s constant and relentless. I’m sorry he felt so adamantly about not having kids. I regret not having a child and it’s a huge or was a huge problem. I know everything would have been ok and we would have been a family if I would have had a child and tragedy didn’t struck before I was able.

where did he go? Is he not coming back at all? What does he say if you say you want to work it out?

You are already a good mom that you are worried about the baby’s health. Not many women even care about that. I know my mom didn’t 

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I'm two and a half years out from abandonment. My ex left out of the blue in Oct. 2017.  He had told me he wanted a divorce in about the worst possible way... He was texting one of his brothers about it, holding the phone away so I couldn't see it.. I said "I'm not going to look at your phone, but who are you texting, anyway?" He lacked courage to the extent that he chose to do it that way, and with the brother he doesn't even like. For a week or two, while he was still around, he wouldn't talk to me. I lent him money to go out of town and he spent the time with a female friend...(he had a number of female friends and I tended not to be jealous -- Even though he was jealous and I limited communication with male friends, I respected that he needed friends.). When we talked while he was out of town, he was in a bar somewhere with her and said "this place is too hip for us." I thought he meant he and I ... He was talking about the two of them. Anyway, after he got back in town, he went out of town again, and instead of coming home he went to live in a campground. These stories are always bad, no matter the details. I too, like someone else, lost one of my dogs during the whole nasty process (Had to have him put to sleep a year after ex left, and the countercompliant from his attorney arrived later that day -- Ugly language about alleging marital misconduct if I didn't agree to terms. I had filed a year after he left.). I still reel from it. It still is hard to comprehend it, 13 months out now from the divorce. Before the pandemic, I was already isolated. We had to sell our house. I moved to a different state a year and a half ago. I've tried to reconnect with old friends. The ones who do respond are SO IMPORTANT TO ME. I want to validate the shock and whatever you are feeling. I know for me, it didn't help for people to say "he's a narcissist" or "I never liked him anyway," or anything like that. I don't mind it so much now. I thought he and I had a good relationship and a good marriage. I'm 18 years older and didn't really know that we'd always be married, but I thought we would make the decision to end the marriage together. Vikki Stark's books are helpful (one of them is called Planet Heartbreak) and she sends out emails every so often, has videos on Youtube, about abandonment syndrome and other things.

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