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MARY


Vincent F

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MARY

 

The thing that hurts the most is that I wasn’t hers originally. Mary was the only family member who came to meet me when I was born. When we met, we fell in love instantly. Mary stayed present in my life. When my dad had to escape and my mom needed to get help, Mary rescued me. She became my parent; my mom. She took care of me; spoiled me. She made sure I got an education. Mary taught me manners, supported my interest in learning to play the saxophone, put me on the path of learning the Spanish language and was my biggest supporter when I started playing soccer. Mary gave me the world and the moon. I wasn’t hers until I was. 

 

I loved her. And now she’s gone. And I miss her. And I don’t know what to do. 

 

My heart is forever broken. 

 

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Nicole-my grief journey

Sending you a lot of love. What a beautiful relationship it sounds like you two had. My mother’s name was Mary. I miss her more than I could ever express. I recently discovered that Paul McCartney wrote let it be for his mom. Or at least that’s what I read. Most songs make me cry, but I have been listening to that one lately because he sings about his Mary and it makes me feel connected to mine. Time, therapy and sharing here have helped me. But it is the roughest road I have ever traveled. She was my everything and my heart is still broken. The grief has transformed. I didn’t believe it could/ would but it has and I feel gratitude for being so blessed to have had the love and bond that we did. Thinking if you. You have my deepest empathy. Please keep sharing with us. We are here for you.

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Nicole, than you for the very kind words. I love that both of our mothers names were Mary - kismet. I didn't know that about Let it be. I have a bunch of songs that I associate with my mom and always make me cry. I'll list some so you can give them a listen and see if you like them. I hope your doing better with your grief and I'll be sure to read some of your posts.

Some songs you might like:

Roses - Kanye West

Fluorescent Adolescent - Arctic Monkeys

Hey Mama - Kanye West

I Dreamt We Spoke Again - Death Cab For Cutie

Sweet Bird - Young Hunting 

 

If you'd like more I'd be happy to share.

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Nicole-my grief journey

Vincent, I love that you shared those songs so much! I’m definitely going to take a listen. I’m staying at her house during this pandemic and even though it’s cold outside, I’ve been working on her yard because she loved spring and gardening. At times her spirit really breaks through. It’s a blessing but so painful too. There are days when I still feel like she’s going to walk in the house or around the corner in the yard. I go back and forth with emotions in my grief journey. I know that’s normal but it doesn’t make knowing it and wishing she were still here any easier. I always say “No amount of time together would have ever been enough” because I have never loved anyone as much as I love her. We had so many plans. I continue to try and do them now that I have some time behind me with her passing away. Some of the other things I did to try and help myself were to continue to honor her memory with a dedication at the local botanical garden and by keeping with our traditions. But in the beginning when I lost her, I couldn’t do anything. It was hard to eat, sleep, shower, hear about her, hear people try to spin it into postive because they didn’t know what to do or say and wanted to help...Thing is that I just had to / have to; feel my feelings and go through it. I think ignoring my feelings and keeping them in would have been the worst thing I could do. I tried to numb pain when my first brother died ( and my second brother passed away just before my mom) and so I knew not to keep my feelings in. Sending you a big hug! 
 

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