I chose not to say goodbye to my dad as a child

[Tommy1982]

This is something which has been eating me up for years and was keen to know if anyone else has has the same experience. 

I lost my dad in 1994 when I was 12 through heart disease. I didnt really know what was going at the time on or maybe just wanted to block it out. I decide when my mum said we were going to turn off my dad's life support that night, I would rather spend it with my friend. 

I went home later that night to the news that my dad had died.

I have regretted that decision ever since and as I get older, its eats at me more and more each day. 

To me it's an odd one as I didnt really know what was happening at 12 but now I'm 37, I just wish I was closer to him at the end and said goodbye.

I'm now married happily with twins but just cant stop thinking about it and it chews me up.

Just keen to know if anyone has had as similar experience and what to do. 

 

 

[reader]

Dear Tommy,

I think it is normal to have these feeling especially now when you have kids of your own. Please don't be hard on your 12 year old self. I don't think anyone can fully understand the magnitude of what is happening around them especially at such a young age. You were coping the only way you know how. Grief takes a toll no matter what age we are. And if you want to talk about it now that is perfectly okay. I would consider reaching out to a pastor or counselor. There are also lots of good websites that offer support. I found these ones helpful:

What's Your Grief

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog.

I hope you know you are not alone in your feelings.

[Mark Coz]

Hello Tommy,

I am sorry to hear that this is still chewing you up after such a long time. I think you never forgave yourself at this age. You were a kid with its own upbringing, environment, friends, mentalstate, in that moment.. you wernt capable to comprehend the decision's impact. You can get rid of this, there are meditations that release and make you forgive your "inner child" you are an adult now and you can take care of this part in you. You can tell this part its okay. This is a hard thing to do but it can give you result. Take care Tommy, if you search there is a way.