Discovered death many years ago of a girlfriend

[Rob125]

During High School, which was 48 years ago, I did not do very well with girls. I was a bit chubby, and lacked self-confidence. This manifested itself in immature and made and making myself a bit of a nuisance. During that time I had crushes on three girls, and blew any chances for a relationship with any of them due to my behavior.

By the end of those years I think I was on good terms with all of them, but I always lamented almost ten years after High School that I did not have better relationships with them, and some others. I found myself looking at yearbooks and imagining scenarios which were more favorable than the actual reality. Sometimes that was a more important person, or just more popular. But then I moved on with my life, raised children and have four grandchildren. I would think about those days now and then, but not very much, and not with any regrets.

Then one month ago something happened. One of those girls died. This alone would not have set me off. I have had a lot of classmates pass. But I found out she died way back in 1980, and this sent me into a tailspin emotionally. I find myself looking at her picture and the other girls in the yearbooks again, and feeling a lot of regret and sorrow because she died so young and never really had a chance at life.

I cannot seem to get rid of these feelings of sorrow and regrets. I have not seen her in 48 years, when she was just a 16 year old girl. It grieves me that she has actually been dead for 40 of them. Had she not died I probably would have never seen her again anyway as it does not actually affect my life or relationships in any way. I don’t think I should be having such a prolonged period of grief and these old feelings, and I am concerned.