I'm so lost, I was not there when my Mother died!

[Diana R]

My mother passed away 1/15/20. It's so hard to write this. I can/t believe she is not here. I can't believe what took place before she died. When I was 16yrs old my little nephew passed away from leukemia I was in the room with him. At the time it was so hard for me to process or understand what took place. 15 year ago, my sister was diagnosed with Cancer sometime in January. My dad committed suicide  that year on 7/31/04. My sister died in my arms on 11/13/04. I had a couple pets died. I feel like I have grieved alot. I understand the stages. I know  time will be my best friend.  However, my mother's grief is taking everything out of me. I stay at home, I work from home.  I don't really speak to anybody. My kids have been great. I have a 24yr old boy and a 22 yr old daughter. My husband is wonderful too. So many negative things happened with my family going through the last days of my mother's life, I'm not speaking with my family members. I received a phone called from my sisters telling me to go to see my mother who they thought she might not make it before I got there. At the time  I was on antibiotics. I waited a few days. Took a plane and got there on time. My mother lived with a sister who did not believe in conventional medicine. I had taking two trips in the past where I had taking mother to the hospital and she had blood transfusions, IV's etc...I saved her life twice. Long stories. This time I told my siblings I will not let my mother die in pain. If I get there I will get any help I could to help her. My family is huge so I'm sure the message got passed on. The day I got there hospice got there within 4hrs. Nurse gave my mother morphine immediately. My mother was not used to medicine and she woke up only twice after that dose  before she died. They told us my mother didn't have too long. I was  by her side. 24/7 for 3 days. Making sure she had whatever she wanted.  At some point time a hospice nurse came and told us she had 12 to 24 hrs to live. My sister lost it. She was calling family members. All I know is that an adult social service lady came into the room I was with my mother. The lady asked a few questions. I thought she was a nurse. Next day, I get a phone called from the same lady saying someone is the family alleged that I had let my mother fall off the bed and she had broken her hips, that I was starving my mother and that I had over medicated her. What? what? was I imagining this? I felt like I was going to pass out. I had been  an investigator for a long time. I could not believe what I heard. I told the lady, I understand this was her job. I was laying next to my dying mother. I need it to have love and peace in my heart nothing will take those feelings from that moment. I told her they were outrageous lies, that I would deal with the issues at another time. I had proof of my coming to town the day my mother got on hospice care. So, I'm not only dealing with my mother's passing but with whoever made this egregious accusations. I decided to leave the toxic situation with my kids and husband. I felt we were going through enough trauma to put us through more drama. I could NOT be by my mother's side when she passed away 9 hours later. I have to hire a lawyer to see who made the allegations etc...this is the worst nightmare of my life. Has anyone experienced anything like this situation with family members? and how you overcome it? How? I need all the help I ca get. You are all I have.I don't talk to anybody right now. Only my kids and husband.