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Sudden Decline and Loss of My Beloved 13 Yr Old Cat


AnneDS

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After two hospitalizations/ catheterizations in the course of a week for urinary blockage in my beautiful healthy 13 - year old cat Jake -- he had complete loss of hind leg function/ no ability to stand/ sit/ walk/pee or poop on his own and had a third urinary blockage - no ability to express his own pee nor could I do it nor could the vet manually do it prior-- and the only choice I had was to end his suffering and take him in the middle of the night to the emergency vet for euthanasia. I'm devastated to lose my best friend, my kitty who I looked out for and cared for so carefully all his life!

I’m really struggling as I think over and over about what I could have done to prevent my kitty’s two serious problems that led to his death- a spinal injury of some kind/ nerve damage (likely from a fall) – and urinary blockage and inability to express his own urine (plus constipation/ possibly also could not poop on his own).

Both key things happened while I was out of state at my mother's funeral - and we had a pet sitter who knew my kitty and the dogs taking care of them. Both things were caused by things I could have prevented—if I had reviewed again to make sure the pet sitter knew Jake's diet -- I left notes with details!! I thought she knew all this- she had taken care of my kitty various times in the past. My kitty ate wet food mixed with water- very little dry food- and the purpose of this was to prevent dehydration and crystal formation - as he had once many years ago had a partial blockage) and changed his eating location- to be not high up on counter- to where he had to jump via a stool- but on the floor perhaps in the vestibule – and also taken his litter box out of tub and uncovered it and placed on floor of bathroom. This all would have been simple thinking of my kitty getting older/ having potential/ slight challenges in jumping/ moving as I had occasionally seen but hadn’t thought of before I left!! I hadn't thought of any of it because I trusted my pet sitter to also adapt his environment -- or call me to alert me - or something if he had any trouble.

We had had a very difficult last six months -caring for our mom at home- (and 6.5 years of taking care of her at home and at her home in another state- and just grateful to all my siblings for their help) - and especially exhausting last three months- so I was exhausted. Of course I'm also grieving for my mother- she lived a good long life, but had a very difficult last few years - and was completely dependent on us for everything. We were glad to have her with us- and she was very brave in coping with all the losses/ declines she suffered. The end was horrible and I'm only grateful that two of my five siblings were there with me and my mom.

Before leaving to go out of state for the funeral and week stay away - Only occasionally I had noticed he couldn’t jump up—why didn’t I change the location of his feeding or realize he wouldn’t be able to jump up to the stool/ counter when I was away and he likely therefore seriously injured himself trying to do that? (I was always around when feeding him and would pick him up when I noticed that and place him there and also get him and put him down after).

And then also when I returned why didn’t I immediately take Jake to the vet?? I noticed something was off – he couldn’t jump at all- he grabbed the stool leg with his front paw in a funny way – and he couldn’t even jump to the couch in my room- and he did a weird stretching of his back leg like he couldn’t really push off of it. But he could jump to a different favorite chair/ cat bed- so I thought he just had arthritis or a sprain and I would watch him. He also ate a bit and didn't seem to be in pain. I kept him inside and next morning noticed he hadn't used his litter box, so I took him to the vet. But I am so upset thinking he should have been taken to vet days before- by my pet sitter- or by me the day I came home! MAYBE his life could have been saved!

I find it so hard to cope with something that I not only ignored/ didn’t take care of him or prepare him for my time away- I trusted someone else to know to take care of him!! And but then I didn’t address as an emergency when I came back. I waited til the next day. I’m also super angry at the pet sitter who was clueless with this change in condition of my cat-- and who didn't alter the feeding location to protect him-- I am shocked by that lack of attention to my cat's needs - as she told me later she had noticed the 2nd or 3rd day that he couldn't jump up!

I’m trying to just be sad instead of feeling angry at her- and really angry and myself and guilty. I feel I ignored my cat’s needs – I let down the most precious thing to me- my kitty – and I cannot even imagine his suffering as he was trying to get to his food and hurt himself or not being able to pee and not able to tell me- for me to do anything about it- until it was too late.

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First, I am so so sorry for your loss. And I understand you feeling guilty. We took our 15 yr. old cat to a vacation home for the summer. He'd been losing weight so I know things weren't good. Two weeks into a 3 month stay, he got violently sick. Like nothing I thought I'd see from a cat. We rushed to an emergency vet who claimed he must have ingested a poison of some kind. (I'd checked the whole house for dangers.) We put him out of his misery. So when you talk about what you could have done and GUILT? I've lived it. I still have no clue what really happened. And the cat was indoors. Of course we were beyond devastated. Truly heartbroken.

So, please I beg of you for your sanity, not to question it all over and over. And forgive whatever mistakes you feel you made. Because there are many factors that are unknown and what-ifs that we can come up with forever. You were a wonderful owner who was going through a horrible time and doing the best you could what what you knew at the time. I also understand your anger. I was SO mad at all of it too. I promise you will not feel so mad and sad forever. But take some time without the anger and guilt to grieve. Give yourself some peace because you do deserve it. And it does take time. There is no way around it though how I wish there was. The pain is real.   

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Your cat is beautiful.  I am so sorry for your loss...I lost Kitty four weeks ago today and Arlie (dog) 5 1/2 months ago (he was my soulmate in furry attire).  I understand loss, I've lost so many people, pets, my life is about grief and living with it.  I want to point out that in early grief, feelings of guilt are common/normal.  We beat ourselves up as we go through all the whatifs as if we're trying to find a different possible outcome...only there is only the one outcome and that is the one that happened.  It's easy to wonder why we didn't do this or that differently, or wish we could go back and have a redo, but the truth is, we take it as it comes and don't always realize everything at the time it's happening.  We expect them to pull through everything like they have in the past...only they don't.  I hope you'll read these articles...it may not talk you out of your feelings of guilt, but it helps to know you're not alone in what you're feeling, and I beg of you to be kind and forgiving of yourself...what would you tell a friend going through this?  Tell that to yourself, we need to be our own best friend esp. in grief.

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

There is no doubt in my mind that you would have done anything in the world for your cat, if only you knew.  The hard part is they can't always tell us what they're experiencing in words we get.  They are stoic and try not to let on how badly they feel, partly from some primal instinct of the fittest/survival.

Your cat is out of pain now and I imagine him to be happily awaiting your arrival in a place such as this:

 

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Dear Anne:

I’m so very sorry for the loss of Jake.  He was a beautiful cat.  Grief when losing our precious pets is a terrible thing to endure, but it is greatly compounded when we throw in a heavy dose of guilt.  Many others, me included, must bear this burden.  Even those who’ve lost their pets via accident, are crippled with guilt.  Maybe I should have given him a few extra snuggles before I let him out and he would have avoided that car or maybe I should have been more attentive while he was outside.  Most all of us are blissfully ignorant in noticing that something is wrong until that time when we do notice, it is often too late.  You did everything humanly possible to save Jake.  Your love for him shines brightly and your devotion to him is admirable.

It’s a long journey you will be on, but I wish you nothing but peace and that the coming months will eventually lead to days with more smiles than tears when you remember Jake. 

With heartfelt sympathy,

Steve

 

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Thank you all- this is incredibly compassionate and caring of you - and for all here what all of you do for each other.

I'm devastated and until two nights ago- hadn't slept more than 3 hrs a night for a month since this happened. But I with help from a sleeping pill on two recent nights was able to sleep 6 hrs then 7 hrs last night- and I'm beginning to feel it's possible to climb out of this horrible nightmare- though I understand this will be a long process- as I am crying a lot during the day and overwhelmed with loss/grief/anger/pain.

But I'm beginning to see- really through the tragedies here- that there are things that we wish we could have prevented, but in the end, through accident, assumptions, mistakes, or really through trust that someone else was doing what we thought they should be, these terrible tragedies occur. And we have to live with it.

I miss my kitty so much- he had a special bond with me and me him. I remember he would often lick my eyelashes- and in the days before his death- as I snuggled with him in bed for 3 days when I didn't sleep at all - he reached over and licked the tears coming out of my eyes.  That and so many things have broken my heart into so many pieces- I don't know how to put it back together.

I keep it together for our two dogs and my job and things I need to do - but I am a zombie missing my most precious friend and gift - my beautiful Jakie.

Anne

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Anne, I understand.  Starting in June, it's been a very hard year.  My original family of recent years is now just me.  

9 hours ago, AnneDS said:

I'm beginning to feel it's possible to climb out of this horrible nightmare- though I understand this will be a long process- as I am crying a lot during the day and overwhelmed with loss/grief/anger/pain.

I'm glad you were finally able to get some sleep, we need it to function, I too have had to go to the doctor for sleep aid.  Whatever helps.  Let the tears flow, they will slow down eventually...you will still grieve as an ache inside your heart.  I'm waiting to the day when it brings a smile to my face instead of pain stabbing my heart, right now it feels kind of like both.

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Dear Anne:

I know, and everyone on this forum understands and feels the pain you're dealing with right now.  We all have gone through this and continue to cope with our loss.  It's been almost 9 months since I lost Micah and there are still days where I'm overcome with my grief and guilt.  I couldn't say this during the first 3 months of loss as I was overcome daily.  What I'm trying to say is what you are feeling is normal and it will never leave but you will find down the road there will be some days of peace. 

When you wrote of your guilt on my post, it really hit home.  We all would love to be with our pets 24/7 but unfortunately life gets in the way and we have to leave them in the care of others.  It's sad that your sitter didn't explicitly follow your instructions, but you went above and beyond the call of duty to keep Jake alive.  It's just so damn hard to let go and when we quit denying that it is time, the decision to euthanize is beyond painful.  It's also time for that thing we call guilt to kick into high gear.  When the emergency vet was trying to convince me to put Micah to sleep, I probably instinctively knew that she was correct but was I was not having any of what she was trying to sell.  When I got him back to vet and went in on the second day for a visit and consultation, I knew it was time to end his suffering.

You did everything right Anne and there was nothing more you could have done short of draining your savings in what would have probably been a futile effort.  Everything you did was out of an intense love and loyalty to Jake.  He knew in the end how much you loved him and how much he loved you.  I've come to loathe the phrase "time heals all wounds" and sad to say I've heard it a few times shortly after Micah's death.  Well, no it doesn't. The only thing time does is allow us to cope with our grief and guilt in a little healthier way. The first few months of your painful journey will be the most difficult.  I had to grieve until I exhausted myself and had no more tears to shed then get up the next morning and start the whole process over again.   What you are going through is perfectly normal and when you feel the need to talk, we will be here for you.

Blessings,

Steve

 

 

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