Sophia

[Avery]

My baby Sophia passed away about 930 this morning in her sleep next to me in bed. I don’t know how to except this. Sophia was a 10 year old red nose pit bull. The love that she gave could not be matched by anyone. Sophia loved her blankets pillows and squeaky balls. Our hearts hurt so much right now it feels like a bad dream but the more we cry we know it’s not a dream. We found her under a car when she was just one month old big head floppy ears and little body. I fiscally hurt in my heart  we need help to understand the loss of our baby. 

[KayC]

I am so sorry.  I lost my favorite and closest dog of all time, Arlie, August 16, I realize I'll never get over this loss, it's only learning to live with it and adjust to the myriad of changes it's meant for my life.  I miss him all the time.

Pit Bulls are some of the cutest with their big eyes and up-turned noses!  Ten years isn't nearly long enough, my Arlie was 11 when I lost him (cancer).  

It helps to do something to memorialize them.  I have my Arlie buried in my back yard and now my 24 year old cat, Kitty, buried next to him.  It's been a hard year with these losses, watching him go downhill was excruciatingly painful.  I go down to their graves and talk to them, reassure them of my love and their place in my heart...who knows, maybe they can hear me.

Do you mind my asking what happened to Sophia, or do you know?  Could you post a picture of her?

 

[Avery]

It was just sudden but she had thyroid issues. We just got her new meds the night before and she passed in the morning 

[AJWCat]

Oh no, I am so sorry. There are no easy answers but when you have a sudden loss out of the blue (I have been there w/ my cat) you question EVERYTHING. It's a very traumatic thing to experience.

Try to be patient with the grief. It does take a while to accept and you go through many phases along the way. You won't always feel so horrible. (even though that does not seem possible right now.) I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet girl. 

[KayC]

I am so sorry... they told me my cat's hyperthyroidism was treatable but not her kidney and liver failure.  Very hard when you go to the vet for help and then this happens as the result instead of their being fixed and on their way.  Beautiful dog, I love her face!  I can imagine how you're feeling, it totally upended my world when I lost Arlie (my dog), it's been as hard to get through as the loss of my husband was years ago, Arlie was my companion, best friend, and I called him "my soulmate in a dog."  It takes much time to process our grief and I've learned it's not something just over and done with, but something we learn to live with...I've learned to coexist with my grief.  It's like we now have another dimension we didn't used to carry.  It also changes us as we used to take life for granted that it would go a certain way and continue as it was...but now we realize how quickly it can change and we're left grappling with how to handle it.  I've learned to really appreciate and live in the present more and practice gratefulness for what is...we can't change the past and we have no more control over the future than the past.  As AJWCat says, we question everything as part of our grief process.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/grief-understanding-process.html

Have you asked the vet if the new medicine could have caused her death?

[Avery]

I think it was but they asked for an autopsy and I said no .i didn’t want her in any afterlife pain. I carry out doing the same stuff with her as she was still here. I let her out to potty I wait for 5 minutes and let her in. I ask her if she wants in the living room or bedroom. I follow her to the bedroom and tell her to put her feet on the bed and I’ll pick you up. She loves our bed she would wrap her self in the blankets and just leave a peak of her nose out. Sophia was my princess,a soul that no one can come close to. I would gladly give my life for hers 

[KayC]

8 hours ago, Avery said:

I would gladly give my life for hers 

I feel the same.  In my "Memories of Arlie" I tell about a time I risked my life to save him when we were hiking and his back end slipped off the trail which had a sheer drop off on that side.  He was 110 lbs at that time.  Without even thinking I reached my hand out and scooped him back onto the trail (half of which was washed out there).  I had time to be scared later but then I was reacting to save my child.  My son turned white watching this from maybe 20 ft. behind.  I could never let my dog go to his death alone, I'd rather be with him and us be in it together.
I understand the being willing to give your life for hers...only thing is, you WERE her life!  It worked both ways.

And she is beautiful.  I see the love you shared, I can literally see the bond in your picture.

[Collettesweetbear]

I am so sorry... they told me my cat's hyperthyroidism was treatable but not her kidney and liver failure.  Very hard when you go to the vet for help and then this happens as the result instead of their being fixed and on their way.  Beautiful dog, I love her face!  I can imagine how you're feeling, it totally upended my world when I lost Arlie (my dog), it's been as hard to get through as the loss of my husband was years ago, Arlie was my companion, best friend, and I called him "my soulmate in a dog."  It takes much time to process our grief and I've learned it's not something just over and done with, but something we learn to live with...I've learned to coexist with my grief.  It's like we now have another dimension we didn't used to carry.  It also changes us as we used to take life for granted that it would go a certain way and continue as it was...but now we realize how quickly it can change and we're left grappling with how to handle it.  I've learned to really appreciate and live in the present more and practice gratefulness for what is...we can't change the past and we have no more control over the future than the past.  As AJWCat says, we question everything as part of our grief process.
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/grief-understanding-process.html
Have you asked the vet if the new medicine could have caused her death?

“Arlie” what a beautiful name. I’ve never heard the name Arlie but, it’s beautiful. I’m sorry KayC I bet Arlie absolutely love you to pieces KAYC and AJWCAT “WHY?” Why does it hurt this absolutely unbearable pain?” I grew up in Hawaii and I adored my grandpa. I went fishing with him every morning when out of school till next year. I loved him so much all my life. So, sad, he was my best friend then before scooter was born. I was very sad he was gone, but I gradually coped and was ok. But, this! This pain losing my child is so devastating, so painful I can’t breath. I mean you know me 6.5 months later and I’m still waking up crying saying her name. I mean I am asleep and wake up in mid cry saying scooter, scooter 🥺”scooter it’s ok go to the rainbow bridge and they will know what to do” [emoji22]



Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com

[KayC]

The rescue that picked Arlie up....he was starving and extremely skinny, they named him Arlington.  It was way too formal and stuffy for a funny goofy dog like him!  So I immediately shortened it to Arlie.  I guess I could have given him a different name entirely, they only had him two weeks so not enough interaction for him to recognize it, but Arlie seemed to suit him.  My beautiful, sweet, goofy, funny dog!  He was the smartest dog I've ever had, had the best communication skills I've ever seen in a dog, and very advanced sense of humor!  He was a gentle giant and I adored him, heart and soul.  I still do and always will.

It doesn't surprise me at all that your loss of your baby is the hardest loss as they live with us, interact with us constantly, are forgiving my nature, love us unconditionally, we learn so much from them!  How to live in this present moment.  They don't worry about the future, they are in the now.  They are our constant companions, walking partners, keep us company in the evenings and give us love just when we most need it.  They are accepting of us, they don't care what we look like, weigh or how our breath smells in the morning.  They are the most wonderful of all creatures!

The pain of grief equals the love we shared.  Not everyone who loses their animal grieves as we do.  We are the fortunate ones, we knew true love, through and through.  Yes, they are fine at their rainbow bridge, and someday we'll be with them.  For now they want us to go on, to live our lives, and they know we love and miss them.   (((hugs)))

[Collettesweetbear]

KayC,

testing, are you receiving this?

[Collettesweetbear]

The rescue that picked Arlie up....he was starving and extremely skinny, they named him Arlington.  It was way too formal and stuffy for a funny goofy dog like him!  So I immediately shortened it to Arlie.  I guess I could have given him a different name entirely, they only had him two weeks so not enough interaction for him to recognize it, but Arlie seemed to suit him.  My beautiful, sweet, goofy, funny dog!  He was the smartest dog I've ever had, had the best communication skills I've ever seen in a dog, and very advanced sense of humor!  He was a gentle giant and I adored him, heart and soul.  I still do and always will.
It doesn't surprise me at all that your loss of your baby is the hardest loss as they live with us, interact with us constantly, are forgiving my nature, love us unconditionally, we learn so much from them!  How to live in this present moment.  They don't worry about the future, they are in the now.  They are our constant companions, walking partners, keep us company in the evenings and give us love just when we most need it.  They are accepting of us, they don't care what we look like, weigh or how our breath smells in the morning.  They are the most wonderful of all creatures!
The pain of grief equals the love we shared.  Not everyone who loses their animal grieves as we do.  We are the fortunate ones, we knew true love, through and through.  Yes, they are fine at their rainbow bridge, and someday we'll be with them.  For now they want us to go on, to live our lives, and they know we love and miss them.   (((hugs)))

I hope I am replying correctly here KayC. I could read your word all day. You’re so loving about animals. You have a heart of gold and love. That’s really special. Certainly not everyone that’s for sure. KayC can you bring doing something or busy and then you’re not even thinking and boom Arlie’s face just pops in your head instantly? That’s really hard. I’m doing pretty ok, trying to do my best and wham there’s her face clear as a bell [emoji348] oh, boy that hurts so much. You know also the silence. I guess I talked to her mostly all the time. Scooter this and scooter that. I find that I still once in a while say Scooter do you know where mommy put...and then I stop and realize. KayC thank you for your advice about my eyes. I am in pain badly right now. I’m doing all the treatment but, I guess it will take a while. Ugh it hurts. But, I know my sister said last night do not cry. I can’t cry, I have to hold it in.


Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com

[Collettesweetbear]

I hope I am replying correctly here KayC. I could read your word all day. You’re so loving about animals. You have a heart of gold and love. That’s really special. Certainly not everyone that’s for sure. KayC can you bring doing something or busy and then you’re not even thinking and boom Arlie’s face just pops in your head instantly? That’s really hard. I’m doing pretty ok, trying to do my best and wham there’s her face clear as a bell [emoji348] oh, boy that hurts so much. You know also the silence. I guess I talked to her mostly all the time. Scooter this and scooter that. I find that I still once in a while say Scooter do you know where mommy put...and then I stop and realize. KayC thank you for your advice about my eyes. I am in pain badly right now. I’m doing all the treatment but, I guess it will take a while. Ugh it hurts. But, I know my sister said last night do not cry. I can’t cry, I have to hold it in.


Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com

KayC,

Also, I apologize if words are misspelled or a wrong word. I’m only using one eye as my right eye is closed and patched with ointment. But, I’m trying my best. You know I was thinking a lot of what you said and you’re 100 percent on point. My grandfather, my best friend who I spent the most time with. I wasn’t with him 24/7. A lot of course but, he had another life out there. He had my grandma and my mom and my sister, his job..etc. just like most humans do. We have a lot of different layers to us. But, not scooter. She had no other things or people going on. No other life out there. No layers. She just had me. Just me to feed her, take care of her, doctors when necessary and sleep and play in her own little private world with me. She was just one little heart and soul in my hands. In that case maybe as sad as I was to lose my grandpa, I could look around at the 200, 300 people that came to his funeral and see all the other people he shared his world with. I was her only little world. My therapist is trying really hard to help me forgive myself with the guilt. This is what she said to me this morning in our phone session... “Forgiveness, is letting go of the hope, that the past could have been any different” I have to let her go KayC. I’m hanging on because it at least keeps her still there, but it’s been 6.5 and I can’t move forward holding on to the past that I cannot change. Jill asked me this morning “Collette, I want you to tell me what is the reason I haven’t been able to let go of scooter?” I told her “I feel like I was holding and cuddling and kissing my baby, and someone rushed up and stole her out of my arms and ran away and I never saw her again” I finally said it out loud KayC. And, she said she understands that completely. Jill lost her cat Tempest 5 years ago. So, she said, “Collette, no man ran up and stole her....death took her away” And, she said “there look there she is in that beautiful hand carved box right next to you” so you can release that feeling she’s out there somewhere stolen. Well, of course I had no will and busted out crying. I rinsed my eyes out immediately.. Jill said, “go to one of your hundred’s of photos and videos and pull up a photo and talk to her.” Like yes a photo but, remember that photo was a real time at that moment you were there and she was there and u took her picture. Tell her everything you want to say. How much you loved her and miss her and when ready tell her you need to let go and move forward. Tell her it hurts real bad but, letting her go so she can rest with God. I don’t want her to suffer not letting her rest with God. I think later tonight, I’m going to light some candles and have a real little funeral for her so, I can say goodbye. But, I’ll never forget her and I will love her forever.


Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com

[KayC]

No need for apologies!!  Yes, I do have a love for animals, they are, in my opinion, God's greatest gift to this world, besides His Son, of course!  Animals are what people can only strive to be!  So unconditionally loving, accepting, loyal, sweet!  I'm afraid that love has come back to bite me this year as I've received six dog bites (four from a rescue dog they failed to warn me, I had to return him, the last two from a neighbor's chow), the last bite was quite severe, I may have permanent damage from it, in addition he jerked hard on me 5 1/2 months ago, severing my nerves so that now I need surgery on both hands and alas have to wait another six months for the first one and Lord knows when the other one!  I hope a year from now I can have most of this behind me.  I have no one to help care for me and Kodie and going through harsh snowy winters in the mountains will prove difficult without the use of my right hand and with the left one still in pain.

23 hours ago, Collettesweetbear said:

I’m hanging on because it at least keeps her still there

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

Time alone does nothing to heal, it's what we do with it that makes a difference.  No one will do it for us, it does not magically happen, it's what WE employ that makes a difference!  I have learned much about grief in the 15 years since losing my sweet husband prematurely.

I want to point out in answer to what I quoted from you here, that it is not your grief that binds you to her, but it is your love, and that continues still, both sides.

[Collettesweetbear]

No need for apologies!!  Yes, I do have a love for animals, they are, in my opinion, God's greatest gift to this world, besides His Son, of course!  Animals are what people can only strive to be!  So unconditionally loving, accepting, loyal, sweet!  I'm afraid that love has come back to bite me this year as I've received six dog bites (four from a rescue dog they failed to warn me, I had to return him, the last two from a neighbor's chow), the last bite was quite severe, I may have permanent damage from it, in addition he jerked hard on me 5 1/2 months ago, severing my nerves so that now I need surgery on both hands and alas have to wait another six months for the first one and Lord knows when the other one!  I hope a year from now I can have most of this behind me.  I have no one to help care for me and Kodie and going through harsh snowy winters in the mountains will prove difficult without the use of my right hand and with the left one still in pain.
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html
Time alone does nothing to heal, it's what we do with it that makes a difference.  No one will do it for us, it does not magically happen, it's what WE employ that makes a difference!  I have learned much about grief in the 15 years since losing my sweet husband prematurely.
I want to point out in answer to what I quoted from you here, that it is not your grief that binds you to her, but it is your love, and that continues still, both sides.

Oh, KayC your poor hands. How upsetting to see dogs so messed up by other people who are sick. Horrible! People who hurt animals in my opinion should go to prison for life, no parole. Period. We at least know that the evil person cannot be released to do more. It has to be for life no parole. Why can’t the government do something? I’m pretty sure they have dogs and cats too. But, just thinking about it makes me extremely upset. I am so sorry about losing your husband. You’ve gone through so much. So much courage. I lost my husband 20 years ago. Very painful and then I had scooter a few years later. I guess I gave up looking for anyone else because scooter filled my heart. I was happy and content with her so much I had no interest. I poured all my love into her. I can happily say I kissed her every day, several times a day. And, on the weekends, oh my goodness, I played on the floor with her for hours. I truly believe she loved her life. I hope your hands get better soon. I’ll be praying for you KayC.


Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com

[KayC]

The gov't views animals as "property," nothing more.  We need better laws and recognition that they are our family members, as valuable as people (in my estimation, perhaps more).

I am sorry you, too, lost your husband.  We thought we'd grow old together, that was the plan.  20 years is a long time, that'll be me in five more years.

Thank you for your prayers!  I'll pray for you too!