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Matt4430

Losing my best friend

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Matt4430

I took my buddy in the other day for what I think is going to be a UTI and a relatively simple visit. Had just had Rover in the vet a couple months earlier and he was completely fine. I knew as soon as the vet came back in the room I knew it wasn’t good. He informed me the my little guy had stomachs cancer and a variety of other issues. I’m in total shock. It still feels like it isn’t real. I took him home for a few days to spend some quality time with him to do things he enjoys. He’s getting very weak now. Tomorrow the vet is coming to house to help him to the rainbow bridge. I am going to miss him so much. It hurts to imagine life without him. He was only 4 and this feels way to soon. 

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A.P. Hill
9 hours ago, Matt4430 said:

Tomorrow the vet is coming to house to help him to the rainbow bridge. I am going to miss him so much. It hurts to imagine life without him. He was only 4 and this feels way to soon. 

 

 

 

Matt:

I'm so very sorry to hear this and what you must endure today.  "Saying Goodbye" is the absolute hardest day any loving pet owner, which you obviously are, must go through.  Rover was such a beautiful dog and the pictures you posted pierced my heart.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you today.

Blessings,

Steve

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Matt4430

Thank you so much Steve. I feel so numb right now. Watching my wife being devastated only adds to the angst. I can’t believe how much it hurts. This never gets any easier no matter how many times I go through it

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KayC

I am so sorry.  June 6 I got my dog's inoperable cancer diagnosis...he had both a tumor where all the crucial organs come together, and he had lymphoma.  His liver was shut down.  I had two months ten days more with him.  You can read my journey with him in Living with Loss (loss of pet section).  I have also shared short stories of his life in Memories of Arlie, same section.  This dog was the love of my life...my other love of my life, my husband, passed almost 15 years ago so it was just me and Arlie. (I have a 25 year old cat also but she hasn't much time left.)

You are in my thoughts and prayers today as you and your wife go through this.  When to euthanize was the hardest decision of my life...it's so easy to second guess ourselves afterwards, it's normal to in grief.  Just keep in mind that what you're doing is for your dog's good, even at the expense of your own pain...that's what us good parents do.

The pictures of him are precious, as you've documented different stages of his life.  My Arlie got up to 140 lbs but had acute chronic Colitis, so I had him on a special diet and he lost down to 110, goal weight, and maintained it.  With cancer he lost to 106 and then regained 1 1/2 lbs as I was enticing him with anything I thought his Colitis could get away with to try to keep him eating.  I had him on probiotics, metamucil, SAM-e, and Hemp oil as well as cooking for him.  Being a caregiver and then losing them, it's hard as everything is a reminder of him being gone.  I still have his coat hanging on the chair, his toys in his basket, his bed behind the couch, his doghouse will stay forever as well as his pen and his fence.  I painted rocks for his grave but the sealer didn't hold so I moved them to his doghouse.  One had "Arlie's truck" with him in the back end, tongue hanging out, tail up.  He loved going for rides.

It helps to memorialize them...I hope you can relate stories of him to us, when you are up to it, it was very therapeutic for me to do so, even if people didn't read them.  It was important to me that those memories be documented.  I need him to know how much I love and appreciate and miss him.

Don't be afraid to talk to him...you're not crazy, we pretty much all do it.  Who knows, maybe they can hear us...

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Matt4430

Hi KayC,

thank you so much for taking the time to write this. Reading the messages and responses has been so therapeutic for me. Sharing grief with people who are enduring or that have endured the same thing as me and hearing that everyone feels this pain as much as I do means the world. I originally went to see a different dog to get when I went to get a puppy. Rover was the only dog out of the litter seeking me out. He was hopping over all the puppies like he was begging for me to take him home. I knew it was fate. He had some health struggles early with his stomach but he persevered. He was fiercely loyal and protective of the ones he loved. My wife is devastated that she won’t have her lookout and protector with her when I’m not home. He loves to walks so much he can practically put on his own harness. Even as he is feeling so weak he musters the energy to go for some of his last strolls. These past 72 hours have been so hard but I know he appreciates the time to spend with family. Everyone who loves him will surround him today. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I know burying him will feel like a insurmountable mountain. At 26 years old and having dealt with this so many times I thought this would be easier. It just gets harder. I will feel broken but I needed to do this to start healing. Thank you so much again. 

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AJWCat

Hi Matt, 
I lost my cat very suddenly to a horrific illness and he was gone in 2 hours. I came here because I was almost sick with grief. 

I am so sorry to hear this. :( Rover is so sweet. I know you will love shower him with love every second until the end. Thank goodness he has such a loving family in his too short life. Sometimes it does not feel fair. I wish you as much peace as you can find going through this. 

Be patient with yourself and also whatever your wife may need. We all grieve a little differently. 

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Matt4430

Hi AJWcat

Thank you so much for the kind words. When things happen so quickly it feels like there is no time to process the emotions that come with losing your pet. I wish I could have done more for him. I gave him everything I had and that’s why this hurts so much. I’ve been trying to hold it together for the holidays and it’s catching up to me now

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KayC

I read they're going to build a cancer treatment facility for animals just a couple of hours away...all I could think was it was too late for poor Arlie.  It's so heartbreaking for any of us to have to go through this loss.  Losing our best (furry) friend is one of the greatest losses we can go through.  It felt just like when I lost my husband.  Some people who aren't pet lovers don't get it.  I wouldn't expect them to.

Keep coming here, we want to be here for you as you go through it, it helps.  Our whole journey is here.  It went so fast.  

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Matt4430

Hi KayC,

Yesterday was excruciating having to say goodbye. It was a beautiful moment as I had an amazing vet come to the house to do what needed to be done. I sat on the floor and embraced him while he passed. It was surreal when It was beginning to take place. I didn’t want it to happen so badly but I knew I had no choice But to stop his suffering. I laid him to rest in my backyard where I know he’s close and I can visit him anytime I want. I know he’s up there looking down on us. This year has been so draining. I lost my childhood dog and my own dog In a span of 2 months. The grief is so heavy. I haven’t lost a close loved one like you have but can only imagine the pain. I admire people like you supporting people like me on this forum. I know the deafening silence in my house will take time to dissipate. I miss him so much. He was like my child. Why he had to go so young I won’t know until I visit heaven. Burying him was very therapeutic but also so difficult. These things are not easy to navigate. I fear for the day I have to endure this pain with my children as I know they will hurt as much as I do now. 

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KayC

I've lost so many animals in my lifetime but this was the worst, I was so close to him and to see him suffer, cancer was quick.  I know we'd do anything for them, we'd lay down our lives for them...and I did once.  So to take on his suffering in his stead by having him euthanized and me left here with this pain in my heart, it's really not surprising.  He would have laid down his life for me too.  He was always so protective of me.

Right now everything is a reminder, all of the daily habits you shared are now a reminder of their absence.  Plus any visual reminders...in my mind's eye I'd see him laying on the couch smiling, then it'd disappear and I'd realize he's gone.  Our daily walks minus one was excruciating.  I started walking a neighbor's dog...he's nothing like my Arlie, deaf and blind so not interactive, but at least it's not me doing it alone.  The neighbors must think I've flipped, I go down to his grave in my back yard and bawl or talk to him.  It is what it is.  I miss my boy.

I'm sorry you've lost two so close together, that's really tough.  My cat isn't long for this world, she's super old (25) and was not feeling good on Christmas, she's aging fast after years of doing well.  It will be yet another loss when it comes.

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AJWCat

KayC, poor kitty. :( 

Matt, so sorry to read about the "day of" - I am glad it was peaceful and at home. It doesn't help with the loss but I try to find the good in these situations and you being there was one for sure. Many people are not as lucky. That said, I know the next few days are going to be very hard. The silence and emptiness is so painful.   

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