It's still hard

[nycdoctor]

Christmas is hard. My dad loved Christmas. I miss him so much. It's been almost 3.5 years now. And so much as happen since he left.

-My mom sold the house and now the house is torn down. Not there anymore. The place where all my happy moment when I grew up is gone. This made me feel so sad

-My mom moved in with me for a year and now she lives in the city. I am here by myself. I brought a house about 5 minutes away from my parents. I would see them everyday. Now I have no one here. I am alone. I feel abandoned by my mom and angry. I felt so alone, that I got married this year.

-The routine of seeing my dad every sat morning and having breakfast and spending the weekend is gone. Now i see him every Sat in his grave site. I miss him. I am the only one who see him every week.

-I feel like that since my dad passed away, he took everything with him. The house is gone, my mom is in the city, Sears is gone...the location of where he use to work is gone.Everything is changing. I just felt in the past there was certain things that were constant.....now nothing is constant. Nothing is stable.

-I dream about him and when I realize he is gone...i wake up. It suck.

-I am so afraid of losing my mom. I don't know what to do. I go to the city every weekend to see her. To be honest, I ask god to take me first. I don't think I could bear losing my mom.

 

I hate that he is gone

[Nicole-my grief journey]

Sending you a lot of love. What a great relationship you and your dad had. You have my deepest empathy. I lost my mom and they are putting a highway through my childhood home. When I read your post the similarities on feelings really hit me.  It feels like everything is being taken from me...my mom, two siblings and those who truly knew me and shared my memories and all the inside personal connections only they would understand. I can’t belive I’ve lost my almost my whole family. I work on my feelings every day about my loss and grief. Therapy and time has helped but it is still so painful. I identify with the fear if losing my last parent. It feels like I would just completely break if I did and never be okay again. And when I wake up and open my eyes the loss is so fresh and I wish it all weren’t true. Wishing peace for you and more moments with your mom. Hugs

[nycdoctor]

I am sorry for your lost. I will pray for you. Thank you

[reader]

Dear nycdoctor,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I know so many of us can identify with everything you are expressing about the loss of your beloved dad. It is so hard. I too wish for things to be stable.

Please know you are not alone and you are with friends here. It takes a long time to deal with all the changes.

I also found these websites helpful.

What's Your Grief

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

 

[nycdoctor]

To me...it seem that time is making me miss my dad more

[Nicole-my grief journey]

10 hours ago, nycdoctor said:

To me...it seem that time is making me miss my dad more

For me it does too. It becomes more real to me everyday. Not that it wasn’t real when I was losing my mother and brothers because I was there for every heart wrenching moment and with all three when they died, but the shock has worn off...so even though all grief is individual, I feel that I relate and have deep empathy for you.