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Coping with an emotional setback!


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Hi,

I am in an emotional rollercoaster right now with a failed job, added to it my father passed away. He was the one who backed me up along the way. Now I am lost, and everything around me seems a little dull. He left his house to me in his will. Though I am broke, I don't want to keep the house. There are so much of emotional sentiments attached to the house. Before I sell it, I have so much of his things to give away. He has a large collection of DVDs that I don't want to throw away including, books, clothes. Maybe I can lend the clothes to the homeless and sell the other things in a second-hand goods store. But still, there would be a lot of other things for which I have hired a mini bin, and the removal services will help me dispose of it. That is the part I am worried about. Though I feel so awful to throw away his things, I can't hold on to them. They will keep making me miserable. Any help here? I could use some emotional support now.

Thanks!

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Iloveromance1996

I can completely relate to this. My husband and I had a huge house and I recently moved into a much smaller condo. The worst part for me is deciding what to keep and what to let go of. I had to sell a lot of his stuff b/c I didn't have room for it but he had a collection of very expensive watches. Right after he passed a friend of ours from the jewelry store where we bought most of his watches had another friend who came over to my house and bought a bunch of his watches from me. I really needed the money at the time but then another friend of mine expressed interest in them. I wish he would have said something and I feel like I acted in haste b/c I feel guilty for selling them. The person I sold them to is trustworthy, so I'm not worried about that, but honestly I would have rather sold them to this other friend,provided the price was right.

But as for the other stuff, I keep reading things that say that it's not the stuff but the people that you need to remember. Well that's true but letting go of stuff makes me feel like I'm letting my husband go and even though it's been a year and four months as of May 14th, I can't let him go nor can I accept that he's gone. The worst part is that when he first passed away (like literally the day he passed away), I was at work (and so was he). I came home that night and just wandered around my empty mansion (well that's what it felt like) of a house and I started taking some of his stuff and putting it in the garage. i feel terrible for doing that, like I was just getting rid of him right after he passed. Who does that? I will never understand why I did that so soon after he passed. So I was alone in my house for about 7 days till my parents drove up from Texas and while they were there, they started talking about my financial status (which was bad-and like so many other women, I chose to ignore it while we were married) and we even had a real estate agent come over and start talking about finding me another place to live. This was less than seven days after my husband passed away and it was just too much to handle. I couldn't fathom moving out of my house and I was so overwhelmed.

Long story short, I'm now in this condo which is a blessing b/c my financial situation is a thousand times better than it was before. However, even though my condo is pretty spacious, it has very little storage space in the way of shelves and so forth so right now it's a complete disaster. I'm slowly going through things that I really don't think I'll need and I always think to myself that if my husband were still here that we probably would have gotten rid of that item anyway so I can kind of hear him say that it's okay.

His clothes are more difficult. Right now I only have two small closets available for clothes where I used to have a huge walk-in closet. My husband had a ton of t-shirts and polo shirts and I have been wearing them like crazy. I try to get rid of some of them but when I see them I picture him wearing them and that doesn't help at all. Some of this clothes even have his scent on them and I just put them up to my nose and close my eyes. I hate to even wash them.

I still have stuff from our wedding and just a few minutes ago I was contemplating whether or not I should donate my wedding dress. I'll never be able to wear it again b/c I'm not the same size, nor do i really want to wear it again and it's taking up space. I may just put it in my storage closet in the garage of my condo for now.

But I am the worst as far as letting things go. In my house we had a lot of wind chimes and hanging wind ornaments on our porch. When I moved I left them there b/c I dind't think I'd have a use for them in my condo. The weather has been pretty nice around here so the other day I went outside and sat on my balcony and tried to read. I looked up and noticed that the previous owner had installed hooks to hang stuff from the balcony. I used to have this wooden hanging bear and he looked like he was in a swing. I started thinking about all of the things we had hanging there at the house and I wished I had brought some with me. Well that kind of set me off and I had a 'meltdown' (my word for when I start sobbing out of the blue). I even went online trying to see if I could find those things again but I turned up with nothing. Had I not seen those hooks, I wouldn't have even noticed, nor would I have thought about it.

You posted this a while ago so I hope things are better for you now. But I'm still going through the same thing and it's very difficult for me. A friend suggested that I just put some of his clothes in storage for a while until I get my condo straightened out. I'm trying to remember that it's the memories that I need to hold onto and not the "things" that he had. I even have two of the exact same shirt (one mine and one his) and I can't get rid of either of them. I guess the good thing is that I don't have to buy any clothes for a long time.

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