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Lost husband to suicide

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My husband killed himself last year on December 29. Our anniversary is December 23. I am really not sure how I am going to handle it this year. Not only is every Xmas going to be terrible for me...this is the first one. I don't know how I am going to deal with it and it is making me extremely anxious. I try not to think about it most of the time..but some times when I can't get to sleep...it's because I'm laying in bed and crying myself to sleep. I do not know what to do about the holidays this year. I know I won't be alone for it..I'll be with family but I don't know...it's been almost a full year and it just hurts.

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