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My Precious Micah - (05-21-2019)


A.P. Hill

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That's hard, even after all this time.  Saturday will be three months he's been gone.  My heart misses him so much.

I had a cat named George (dubbed King George after I married my husband, George) that was my "greeter" and it was so hard watching him age.  He used to greet me out in the driveway when I'd get home from work.  Later he would be walking down the ramp towards me.  He got cancer and was going downhill...when I'd come home I'd see the top of the porch swing swaying back and forth and I'd know he jumped down and was slowly making his way across the patio towards me...ever my greeter.  When I found out he had cancer and how much he was suffering, I had him put to sleep immediately...it was a year after my husband died.

I lovehearing how Micah "headbutted you," that's so cute!  They have their way of showing love to us.

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I had to put my cat Micah to sleep on 05-21-2019. It has been about five months and this event has absolutely crushed me. I’ve had the honor and privilege of having 5 cats adopt me in my adult life an

Thank you, Kay. I have found recently that I can smile sometimes when reflecting on Micah’s life, quickly followed by tears.  It is progress though and for that I am thankful.  All of us hope the

Dear Anne: Thank you for your kind and caring sympathy.  It has been a very difficult journey.  I am coming up on 9 months since Micah's death.  It seems as though each anniversary of his death,

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It has now been 6 months since Micah left me.  These have been the most painful and agonizing months of my life.  How could such a beautiful, graceful, and loving cat have such a profound effect on one man’s life?  I do not know the answer to that question, but I miss him so very much.

When I awake in the morning, my thoughts are of Micah.  As I retire for the day, my thoughts are of Micah.  I miss opening my eyes in the morning and having Micah laying by my head or just sitting and staring at me.  I miss having him help me prepare his breakfast in the morning.  I miss having my assistant while I’m doing some work at the computer.  I miss having my buddy at nap time.  Nap times will never be the same anymore.  I miss having him following me around all day.  I miss him telling me that he’s tired and ready to go to bed and that I should probably go to bed also.  I miss coming through the door after a few hours or several days away and having him greet me.  I miss watching TV while he is “making biscuits” on my stomach.  I miss having my buddy watching football with me, usually with our eyes closed.  My first task of day now is to tap Micah’s urn and tell him how much I miss him and that I love him very much.  Then I plop my butt in front of the computer to fill my mind with more depressing news.  Maybe I should go “off the grid” for several months. There remains a huge and painful void in my life.  Most days I feel like only a shell of the man I once was.

Having said all the above, I find that when the occasion calls for it, I will step away from my grief and interact with others.  I will suggest we go out to eat, attend a show in Branson, or heaven forbid, go to the mall for some shopping.  That is going above and beyond for me, because I hate shopping.   These are all tiny baby steps in coping with my grief. 

There is no option left but to move forward and honor Micah’s memory and love and hope the day arrives where there are more smiles than tears.  When my journey ends, we will be reunited again.

Many thanks to all of you here,

Steve

 

Love Lives on 11.jpg

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On 11/21/2019 at 3:37 AM, A.P. Hill said:

How could such a beautiful, graceful, and loving cat have such a profound effect on one man’s life?

I feel that way about my Arlie...it's been three months on the 16th.  I, too, don't know the answer to that question, only that it's left an emptiness inside of me that cannot be requited with anything...I long for the day we'll be reunited and I have to believe in it, I could not bear anything less.

People would be surprised if they could but look in my heart and see how much I love and miss him, like you with your Micah.  They were our companions, they were what lent color to our lives.

I, too, hope for the day when this unrelenting pain will be replaced with smiles at the memories they made with us.  I do feel that some of the time but other times the pain at missing him is just so great...

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52 minutes ago, KayC said:

People would be surprised if they could but look in my heart and see how much I love and miss him, like you with your Micah.  They were our companions, they were what lent color to our lives.

 

Kay:

That is true for most people but it's a safe bet that anyone on this forum would be surprised at all.  When I look into your heart Kay, all I can think is:  "Wow, there is a heart that is filled with just as much pain as my own."

 

Blessings,

Steve

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55 minutes ago, A.P. Hill said:

"Wow, there is a heart that is filled with just as much pain as my own."

Yes, and love...it is because of Arlie and my great connection and immense love for each other I am now filled with the pain of missing him, just as you do your Micah.  We who had these extraordinary connections get each other.  My son totally gets how I feel about Arlie, he knew and loved Arlie's spirit and saw in him what I did.

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I understand the agony. I would have been so much worse except we left the town and house we were at where our cat passed. We have no memories here in our new place. And I have since adopted a young kitty who is just now 4. But my husband and I both agree, losing our cat (the way we did) was the single most painful thing we've been through. And not having him there for all the many rituals day in and day out was just small reminders of his absence. I probably think of him in some random small way everyday. I'm not sure my heart will ever fully recover from it. 

I am so sorry for your six months. It's so long and short all at once. 

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AJW, I remember that whole first year with the loss of your cat, I know it was hard.  That's what I'm experiencing now and no, I don't think I'll ever get over it.  He has my heart.

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12 hours ago, AJWCat said:

 And not having him there for all the many rituals day in and day out was just small reminders of his absence. I probably think of him in some random small way everyday. I'm not sure my heart will ever fully recover from it. 

I am so sorry for your six months. It's so long and short all at once. 

AJW:  It's those rituals that we take for granted at the time they occur, that remind us of just how much we miss them and it doesn't seem to make any difference that we may be in another house or town.  So true that our hearts will never fully recover from our loss.  How could any heart fully recover from the loss of a gift from God?

 

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Thought I'd share a video tribute I made to Micah shortly after his death.  It is the first and only video I have ever made.  My music library is not very extensive and practically all the songs just didn't seem to fit the occasion.  I had to use some pictures multiple times so I wouldn't run out of pictures before the music ended.  It is probably too long (about 8 minutes) but I'm just too lazy to go through another editing process to shorten it up.  It is certainly "amateur hour" on full display but meaningful to me, at least.  Glad I don't rely on my movie making skills for a living.  I'd starve!!!!  You'll need to right click on the attachment and open link in new tab.  Don't know what I did wrong.

Blessings,

Steve

 

Memorial_Video_8.mp4  

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You're miles ahead of me, I've never done anything like that.  Your Siamese looks a lot like my Miss Mocha except her face was lighter, she had blue eyes and a heart shaped nose.

I love when Micah is "making muffins" on your wife!

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48 minutes ago, KayC said:

I love when Micah is "making muffins" on your wife!

Thanks for watching Kay.  Micah was the most affectionate cat I've ever had.  Anyone, and I mean anyone, who sat in that chair was subject to an immediate "cooking demonstration".

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I love that!  My Kitty doesn't do that, she's not very affectionate and is NOT a lap cat.  Her biggest demonstration of love is when she sits nearby and purrs, she sounds like a cement mixer!

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On 11/26/2019 at 10:02 AM, KayC said:

I love that!  My Kitty doesn't do that, she's not very affectionate and is NOT a lap cat.  Her biggest demonstration of love is when she sits nearby and purrs, she sounds like a cement mixer!

Kay:  The Siamese is not a lap kitty either.  She'll lay down beside you or at your feet and enjoys being petted, but no laps for her.

Micah was such a tender soul.  He thought every large creature was put here on earth to be his friend.  Oh, he still retained the feline hunting instinct and would occasionally leave some "tender morsels" by the door.  Sometimes he would bring into the house a live one that I didn't notice.  I chased several birds out of the house.  When he would bring in a live mouse, it would invariably escape under a bookcase, furniture, or somewhere neither one of us could get to.  I'd have to go to bed knowing there was a live one roaming around.  When we would awake in the morning, instead of getting breakfast, Micah would take me to a lifeless little creature laying on the floor just to show me he had properly dispatched of that home invader.

Because of his tender nature, I was always hesitant about letting him outside.  He just didn't realize that not everyone was his friend.  Fortunately he never strayed far from the property and was always within shouting distance.  There were several times when I'd go to check on him before sunrise and he would be sitting on the deck surveying his kingdom with a raccoon several feet away scavenging for food.  He even made friends with the neighborhood bully whose sole purpose was to fight with other cats.  I'd find them on the deck together taking a nap many times.

I know this is a difficult day for you without Arlie.  It's just me and wife today.  Just isn't the same as in my youth when 50 or so family members would gather to celebrate the day.  Prayers have been said for you and Arlie and I'm sending you my best virtual hug.

Blessings,

Steve 

 

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My Miss Mocha was very affectionate...and like a brazen hussy around me, she'd flirt with them shamelessly!  She'd blink-blink her beautiful blue eyes and knead them, sometimes rolling side to side on her back blink-blinking.  It was really funny, she loved men!

Kitty also has the patience of Job when catching her prey...she can sit at a mole hill for hours waiting for them to appear, or watching under a book shelf for a mouse to appear.  but she always gets her prey.

33 minutes ago, A.P. Hill said:

I know this is a difficult day for you without Arlie.  It's just me and wife today.  Just isn't the same as in my youth when 50 or so family members would gather to celebrate the day.  Prayers have been said for you and Arlie and I'm sending you my best virtual hug.

Thank you dear friend.  I hope you and your wife enjoy your day, maybe think of a good memory of Micah and focus on that.  I am very thankful for each and every day I had with Arlie, I just had no idea this is the year it would come to an end.  Sometimes it still seems like a state of disbelief.  I'm afraid to give in to my tears again for fear I'll never stop crying.

Blessings and hugs!

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21 hours ago, KayC said:

My Miss Mocha was very affectionate...and like a brazen hussy around me, she'd flirt with them shamelessly!  She'd blink-blink her beautiful blue eyes and knead them, sometimes rolling side to side on her back blink-blinking.  It was really funny, she loved men!

 

Kay:

That is so funny.  Miss Mocha was such a little tease but certainly seemed to know how to melt a man's heart.

Warmest regards,

Steve

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Yep, I remember her getting on my son's chest (who isn't a cat-person) and doing her best to win him over with her blink blinking and kneading (she'd also kiss us on the lips) and him telling her, "Why are you even doing that to me?  I don't even like cats!"  But of course she made her wiles with him too.  :)

 

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It has been 7 months since I lost Micah.  I so desperately want him back, but no amount of words or tears, will make that happen.  I’m only left with heartache, tears, fond memories, love, and knowledge that he occupies a huge piece of my heart.  I fear that huge void in my life may never be filled again.  I should be so very grateful that he gave me one of the greatest gifts in life by letting me experience such a pure and unconditional love, but God, I do miss him.

Christmas may be a bittersweet day.  Micah loved Christmas day playing in all the used wrapping paper, ribbons, and boxes.  If there was a pile of new clothes laying around, he’d lay down on them to get that weird scent off them.  I usually left the mess in the living room for a couple of days because he had so much fun playing in the mess.

I love you so very much Micah.  You will forever be in my heart.

In loving memory,

Steve

 

 

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Seven months ago I was in ignorant bliss, not knowing my life was about to turn upside down...6 1/2 months ago I got Arlie's cancer diagnosis that changed everything.  It's been 4 months 5 days he's been gone.  I, like you, want him back so much.  My son brought me a puppy 1 1/2 weeks ago, I love him but he's not Arlie.  No one is Arlie.  No one takes the place of Arlie.  Arlie was perfect to me and I miss him smiling.  I miss his big body, perfect for hugging.  I miss his companionship.  I miss his being a gentle giant, his consideration, his intelligence, his great communication skills, everything about him.  I feel for you for I understand...

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Now having adopted my "newest" kitty for 2 years now, she fills her own space in my heart, and it's really good. I wouldn't want life without her because having a pet (cat in my case) is that important. If my husband left me, I'll become a major cat lady the neighbors talk about.

But no cat can replace our guy we lost. There's an empty space that will never be filled. (And the trauma of how we lost him haunts me and still, if I think of it, will have me in tears in a minute.) 

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23 hours ago, KayC said:

It's been 4 months 5 days he's been gone.  I, like you, want him back so much.  My son brought me a puppy 1 1/2 weeks ago, I love him but he's not Arlie.  No one is Arlie.  No one takes the place of Arlie.  Arlie was perfect to me and I miss him smiling.  I miss his big body, perfect for hugging.  I miss his companionship.  I miss his being a gentle giant, his consideration, his intelligence, his great communication skills, everything about him.  I feel for you for I understand...

So very true Kay.  No one can ever take the place of an angel like Arlie.  You have such a huge heart Kay, that I know that Kodie will someday, if he hasn't already, find his own special place in there right next to Arlie.  I'm sure Arlie is happy now knowing that a little piece of the love you had for him, and he for you, can be showered on Kodie.

Warmest Regards,

Steve

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Yes I love Kodie but I've had him for 12 days...I had Arlie over 10 1/2 years.  I've had other dogs as long but none were like Arlie, he was and always will be number 1 to me.  Kodie will create his own spot in my heart but it won't be Arlie's spot, they are very different.

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13 minutes ago, AJWCat said:

Now having adopted my "newest" kitty for 2 years now, she fills her own space in my heart, and it's really good. I wouldn't want life without her because having a pet (cat in my case) is that important. If my husband left me, I'll become a major cat lady the neighbors talk about.

But no cat can replace our guy we lost. There's an empty space that will never be filled. (And the trauma of how we lost him haunts me and still, if I think of it, will have me in tears in a minute.) 

Dear AJW:

I'm so very happy for you that your "newest" kitty has found his own special place in your heart.  It is really something I should consider but I just can't seem to pull the trigger on adoption yet.  Maybe someday.

I'm grateful you are here to give me a gentle reminder that the pain I have is normal.  It's been two years since your loss and it still hurts so very much.

Warmest Regards,

Steve

 

 

 

 

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Oh yes, the pain is indeed very normal for grief, no matter how much time goes by.  Adopting this little guy has not alleviated my grief over Arlie one bit.  It has given me a new relationship to treasure, one that's just beginning and has yet to unfold...my memories of Arlie have reminded me that there is hope for that first year with him he was a handful and had much to learn, but he turned out to be the best dog I've ever had!  So smart, goofy, fun, loving, considerate, a wonderful companion and best friend.  I will miss him until the day I die and we can be reunited again.  I pray he's happy and knows how much I miss, love, and appreciate him.  My heart will always be broken for this beautiful sweet dog I had to bury.  I miss his laying around the house smiling, the most beautiful smile in the whole world.  I miss the creak of the wood as he heaved his huge body up on my bed.  I miss his games that he made up to play with me.  I miss his playing peek-a-boo in the couch.  I miss our walks.  I miss our chasing each other around the house.  It won't be the same with Kodie, I know that.  Kodie will create his own spot in my heart, but it will never be the same as with Arlie.  That spot is reserved for him, for all time.

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Merry Christmas Micah.  I miss you every day and especially today.  It just wasn't the same without you.  I love you very much!!!

I'll leave the mess out for a couple of days in case you want to come down and play:

large.20191225_064513.jpg.16b7eba5575166548e0727f4cf82ab73.jpg 

 

 

 

Love Lives On 12.jpg

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38 minutes ago, A.P. Hill said:

I'll leave the mess out for a couple of days in case you want to come down and play

I love that.  I'm afraid I haven't long for Kitty anymore either, she's not eating enough, she's skin and bones and oh so cranky.  25 is a long life and I know I can't expect her to live forever, but oh how hard it will be...

I wish Micah and Arlie could join us today.

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