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So Much Anger


TAM1

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The last few weeks I've become out of sorts - it began during the power outages and fires here the week before last when it took 3 hours to drive 30 minutes to get home due to the thousands of evacuees heading north.  This last Wednesday afternoon there was a lockdown at work and during that time I sat working, but fearful - all because a co-worker has bad associations from trolling bars and this "Mr. Right" was not.  That same day one of my nephews broke into my apartment by climbing from a neighbor's balcony to mine (this was after completing legal paperwork to clear his criminal record). I feel that he crossed a boundary and a few weeks before he had been looking up at my place and saying, "anyone could break in."  My home is my safe zone.  And I've been angry and it might just be from weathering fear and misbehaving people. This most probably is another time that will teach and change me.

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Tam1,

I am horrified by your nephew's action.  Was this his way of making the point that a person could break in,  or did he break in to actually steal from you?  Either way it was a terrible decision on his part.

Your anxiety with the power outage and fires and then the lock down for some unstable person, understandably was through the roof.  Then for your nephew to violate the sanctity of your home!!! That is too much.  Out of sorts, angry,  I would be livid.  I'm totally furious with your nephew and I don't even know him. 

At any rate, my comment to you is that you have every right to feel violated by  your nephew and to be angry with him.  

Good luck on making it clear to him that this was not okay. 

Peace, 

Gail

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Whether his intent was to steal or just see if he could do it, I would call the police, nephew or not.  If his parents have a problem with it, so be it, they should have taught him better and to excuse this behavior is to become complicit to it, to enable him.  You are right, your home is and should be your sanctity, your safe zone.  I am so sorry for all you are going through, this has to feel like you're out on a limb and it's all too much.  I hope the fires and power outages are soon over with and life can have some degree of normalcy.  Even the situation at work, I would hope they would offer some counseling resulting from that experience.  The woman never should have brought this to your workplace, I'm sure that was not her intent, but how we live does carry effects.

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I've felt as if I am on "overload" emotionally and am thankful to have today home, to have peace, write cards and I'd really like to calm down inside. Sometimes it is going through things alone when in times past I would be home with Len and Missy; and now I'm sensing more than ever that aloneness and also that I need to build my strength.  I'm distancing my nephew because he's too arrogant to understand though I've made it clear to him this is not OK.  I've felt betrayed by management at the office for allowing this woman to bring "crazy making" behavior into the workplace on daily basis, for years. And they know there is a problem - has been for 13 years - but I think this time was very different and on a scale that isn't OK.  She sits next to me daily - swearing loudly, mostly the "F" word, loud personal calls, out of control angry outbursts, coming in hung-over. Management moved her next to me about 6 months ago to calm things down. Generally, people comment to me, "You are strong!"  Perhaps today in the quiet of my place, I can restore myself.

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I am so sorry, this is not okay in the workforce, they are creating a hostile work environment which happens to be illegal.  Is there a human resource department where you work?  What are the chances you could get a job somewhere else and make a trip to a lawyer about this?

I know, just what you need, more stress.  Well I'm glad you're off today and doing what you want in the peace and quiet of your own home.  Sometimes when we feel something is too much for us to take on, just letting it out helps.  Wish I was there to have a cuppa something with you!   (((hugs)))

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This week ahead I'll focus on my work and myself - I've taken time alone this weekend but it was a healing sort of time alone. Because I sensed the exhaustion though it goes part-and-parcel with grief and loss. During this time privacy has been so very important to me in order to recharge and maintain balance. And I also write notes to myself, even sending emails and thoughts to myself to review the next day when evening falls. One thing I did write down is to be committed to myself (and that is not a life without God). Not everyone belongs in my life no matter what their position or intrusion level is - and they didn't pay admission to my show. I'm 63 and have been with the firm for 14 years so I'll work on this - it's a very good job, with an excellent salary and I will not allow some bimbo to ruin that.

I also realize there is a heaviness in my heart and it is grief - which is normal and something to be worked out. I don't bring this up to friends or family because I get the looks, "Still?"  And the quiet, polite avoidance. But I've made progress over time, as you know, as you've listened and encouraged me.

I didn't go out today, swept the balcony, filled the bird feeders, read, napped and drank lots of water and now herb tea. I'm taking October 31st and November 1st off - looking forwar to this.

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I hope those days you've set aside will be renewing for you.  And yes I know how much it helps to have God in your life.  I hope your day goes well today.

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Mark 3:5 says Jesus was angry...yet did not sin.  It's okay to be angry, it's what we do with it that counts.  Anger can fuel change. There is a righteous anger.

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2 hours ago, KayC said:

Mark 3:5 says Jesus was angry...yet did not sin.  It's okay to be angry, it's what we do with it that counts.  Anger can fuel change. There is a righteous anger.

True. Anger can be a great motivator. It has helped me take steps forward I had resisted. 

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